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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

763 replies

Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 02:11

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

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EverySongbirdSays · 07/06/2016 19:38

You think we don't KNOW that it's the choice of the establishment not the parents that the baby change is in there?

CHRIST how patronising are you please?

When mansplaining became a thing, I started hearing ablesplaining being used and thought it was clunky but it was INVENTED for you posts

But YOU don't understand how hard it is for US to know how to APPROACH YOU.

Go and practice othering somewhere else - you might find common ground with racists and homophobes.

Akire · 07/06/2016 19:52

Ablesplaining great phase exactly what I was thinking today.

Imagine if 9/10 bus had a wheelchair user permently on board and no push airs. I'd give it week before parents up in arms and campaign for more spaces for them. When it's other way around its us not sharing and we are being unreasonable over parents temporal needs.

So glad met some fellow people who get it and understand x

Mummyme1987 · 07/06/2016 20:12

On the upside my dd starts Monday Grin

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NoHaudinMaWheest · 07/06/2016 20:28

Fantastic.

NoHaudinMaWheest · 07/06/2016 20:32

Toomany being disabled doesn't come with sainthood attached. So you will occasionally come across rude, aggressive disabled people. That doesn't invalidate any of the experiences people have talked about on this thread.

IcaMorgan · 07/06/2016 20:35

That's great mummyme

DownstairsMixUp · 07/06/2016 20:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

littleprincesssara · 07/06/2016 20:49

I am disabled also, and I'm vigilant about reporting anti-disabled acts.

I was on a bus a few months ago and a group of developmentally delayed adults got on, talking but making less noise than the average group of school kids. The bus driver switched the engine off and sat there with the doors open (in freezing temps!) for ages. We all thought the bus must've broken down. Finally I confronted him and he said he wouldn't start the bus until "they" moved so he couldn't hear or see them like it was the most obvious thing in the world! I started shouting at him and soon the whole bus was shouting at him and he capitulated.

Anyway I filed a complaint with TFL and with the police and got a letter back saying they'd taken it very seriously, etc. I don't know what happened but I've not seen that driver since.

Btw going back a few pages to the subject of pools, my local pool is free for disabled people but you have to use some weird skanky free changing room that involves climbing several flights of stairs (all paying customers walk straight in). /facepalm/

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls · 07/06/2016 20:52

"You won't get it."

That's ironic, Toomany given that you've come on a thread where we're supporting each other to tell us that ONE person who is a wheelchair user was ONCE rude to you.

Akire · 07/06/2016 21:03

That's awful littleprincesssata but not suprisingly in the slightest.

How are disabled people supposed use changing room upstairs??

Baconyum · 08/06/2016 00:20

'Toomany the operative word in your post is "once". The experiences being described here are every single day, often multiple times a day.' ablesplaining
It's the perfect term for toomany's posts - disabling too!

Mummyme1987 congrats to your dd Wine

UnderaRock · 08/06/2016 01:55

In the UK do you have people who park in spots JUST for van ramps? It happens ALL the time here and keeps me trapped in my van!!

To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society
UnderaRock · 08/06/2016 01:56

The above? Is not even a spot! Its my marks for my ramp!

moominvalley · 08/06/2016 04:19

(Hi, I literally just joined to reply to this thread. I don't have children, in fact I'm trying to get sterilised at 30....anyhooo....)

I'm a "young" wheelchair user, sometimes-crutch-hobbler, and about to get my powerchair. I followed a Twitter link to the bus thread, and then onto this thread from there. I just wanted to say I think it's fantastic to see the support and love in this thread between people in different situations but all facing the same kinds of problems with access and discrimination. I carry the relevant pages of the TFL Bus Drivers' Manual with me, and note down bus numbers as standard. My TFL Official Complaints number is getting into the 20s. I have about three routes I can take on the entire Underground. My local McDonalds has IPADS set up on a bench for kids to play with, but no push buttons to open the door (ditto Starbucks, minus iPads - ditto my UNIVERSITY). I had to invite someone from Highways at the local council to take a roll down the road with me so I could point out the dangerous paving and lack of drop kerbs I face daily, involving having to wheel IN THE ROAD. I'm bloody sick of being asked "what happened to your legs?" by shop assistants and strangers.

Is it any wonder that disabled people tend to be activists? We don't have a choice if we want an equitable chance at the same life as everyone else!

ohtheholidays · 08/06/2016 09:27

Morning all Smile hope everyone's pain is bearable today and that your day is empty of arseholes Grin

I just wrote this on a thread about a disabled bay being blocked by someone with no blue badge.
We get this all the time OP and it fucking pisses me off.

We have 5DC,two off our DC and myself are disabled(our youngest DC is disabled and I'm disabled because the hospital fucked up her deivery)we've had people go well I'll only be a minute I'm just making a phone call.
Ha and Yes cunt(I didn't say that) there are plenty of spaces that aren't for disabled users and your not disabled(he admitted that straight away before anyone jumps on me!)and he was using the last disabled space left!Luckily my DH was with me and he made him move grin

Had the same happen before an older couple having a sodding picnic in they're car in a disabled space,asda car park and half of the disabled bays were blocked off because they were doing something to them.The only space available and they weren't disabled!Have some sodding respect people that's all we ever fucking ask!

Another one,young guy all of 18 not disabled,a local tesco express and he was using the only disabled bay to sell dodgy watches the fucker!
My DH got him to move as well,he's a Police officer,he got the gits licence plate numer and reported him and the older couple and the guy on the phone because they all got abusive after being asked to move from a space they didn't need and had no right to use!

My Husband has spoken to his head boss about this before he said people need to start taking a picture of the car in the disabled space,showing there's no blue badge on display and and taking a picture of the registration.Lots of supermarkets have signs up now saying that people will be fined(some say £50 some are more)if anyone is caught using a disabled bay without a disabled badge on display,alot of car parks are doing the same now as well.

So if it happens to you get the pictures and take them into the store or if in a car park report it to the car park attendants.They can make them remove they're cars and they can fine them it's been done before.
Same if it's at a leisure center,picture and report even if they don't fine them they can make them move.

If it's parking on the road that's reserved for disbaled users only and no badge on display take the pictures and report it to your local council,keep a copy for yourself and jot down the name of who you spoke to,what department,date and time you spoke to them and if your handing it in by hand get a receipt for it.

People may wrongly presume that it's just upto those that are disabled to make a stand but it's not!Sadly any one of you that's on this thread could become disabled at any given time through no fault of your own,the same can be said for all the people we love including young children.
People won't stand for racism,sexism,or any other form of ill treatment against any one because of them being different through no choice of they're own,none of us choose to be disabled,ill,in constant pain, or to be dying before our time.
Yet hatred,abuse,physical attacks,murder,suicide and apathy towards anyone that is disabled is at an all time high!

Some of us that are disabled are doing all we can to combat this and to challenge this negative behaviour in the hope that it won't be the same for future generations,not just for our DC but for everyone and anyone's child that is disabled in the future,this could be your DC,your Grandchildren,Nephews,Nieces.
This is everyone's problem,it's time we all took a stand(those of you who can take a stand,I'm in a wheelchair wink )to stamp out the hatred that is thrown around every single day at the lifes of those that are disabled,we didn't choose this,we didn't want it but it's sadly the hand that life has dealt us!
If you care about equality speak up for those that can't always speak up for themselves!Make a stand and make the future generations easier for those around you that are disabled,sick,in pain and dying,show your DC the right way,Please.

I hope it's okay to share it with you all.

ohtheholidays · 08/06/2016 09:31

Mummyme Whoohoo for your DD Flowers Cake Star Wine good for her that's brilliant news,is she excited or a bit worried?

IcaMorgan · 08/06/2016 09:54

Can I leave this link to a petition for disabled spaces to be properly made only for blue badges and properly monitored etc

petition for disabled spaces

NoHaudinMaWheest · 08/06/2016 10:00

Ica I was just about to ask you to post that link on this thread. Flowers

ohtheholidays · 08/06/2016 10:08

Ica I was just going to ask you if we could link the petittion onto here.

I've signed it and shared it on Facebook along with a message as to why i think it's important.Everyone else in our household is going to sign it(there's 7 of us)and they're going to share it in Facebook as well.

BishopBrennansArse · 08/06/2016 10:30

Right so now a thread by a disabled mnetter venting about blue badge bay abuse has been deleted. But not after the OP had their arse handle to them on a plate for daring to want to enforce blue badge bays.

Why the fuck aren't disabled mnetters allowed to fight for their rights on here?

Why do we have to be so meek and mild and 'grateful'?
I don't feel bloody grateful most of the time.

NoHaudinMaWheest · 08/06/2016 10:34

Its been deleted??
I didn't agree with her use of that phrase but have seen so much worse and the main point of her thread was entirely valid.

BishopBrennansArse · 08/06/2016 10:50

You're telling me!

LurkingHusband · 08/06/2016 10:54

I'm wary of going TAAT but maybe the OP asked for it to be deleted ? Or it was a troll ? In which case, fair play to MNHQ. Be a bit disturbing if it was an arbitrary act of censorship ...

Mummyme1987 · 08/06/2016 10:55

She's both excited and worried! It's going to be a long weekend.

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Mummyme1987 · 08/06/2016 10:56

What does the deletion message say?

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