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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

763 replies

Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 02:11

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 05/06/2016 16:23

So do I . The mum titled cunts wouldn't care still though

OP posts:
Destinysdaughter · 05/06/2016 17:20

I've just RTFT and its had me in tears. I'm so sorry, and angry about how people have been treated by businesses and individuals. I have an invisible disability which is limiting but not to the extent of many of you on here and I've had some cruel, insensitive comments at times. People's ignorance and lack of compassion is shocking and depressing at times. Hugs and FlowersCake Wine to you all!

Akire · 05/06/2016 18:10

Flowrrs wine and cholate! Thanks :)

Akire · 05/06/2016 18:15

This is how some business see it...

To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society
LurkingHusband · 05/06/2016 18:23

Akire

TX - nicked for Facebook Grin

LurkingHusband · 05/06/2016 18:31

Interesting comment from a new Dad about accessibility in London ...

www.richardherring.com/warmingup/3/6/2016/index.html

Back to Shepherds Bush, trying to negotiate the tube and find the route with the least steps and the most lifts. It's painfully difficult to get round this city with a baby (who is still small enough to carry), so imagine what it would be like if you were disabled. Some of you don't have to of course. But it pains me to see how bad access is in this supposedly modern city. Even at Kings Cross where they have lifts it's almost impossibly difficult to locate them all. (contd)

(Richard Herring has raised hundreds of thousands of pounds for SCOPE in the past 20 years)

kali110 · 05/06/2016 18:36

I'm fairly young and have had an invisible disability since my 20's.
I've been called rude, entitled ( those are the nice things) for not giving up my seat on public transport, for sitting down whilst my dh gets us a drink in a a cafe etc
Apparently being young means you cannot have a disability nor a back problem
I'm so happy about that, means i won't need a wheelchair in a few years as i'll be too young?Hmm
Fucking twats.
I also had over a decade of work colleagues taking the piss out of me saying i was in pain as there was nothing wrong with me that they could see.
The fact that i have to take heavy duty painkillers may be a clue that there is something wrong...

Akire · 05/06/2016 18:56

I've hidden the thread it's still giving me rage. I dared point out business all to often throw patent facilities into disabled so both have to fight it out. Que it's my right to change my baby! They don't get it that business should put facilities in all toileys not just disabled. It's so annoying waiting for parents for ages no one else has to wait for loo as much or as often. Big chains have space for changing in other loos too.

You may have to use facilities for few years for us it's every blimey public loo we every go too.

MrsHathaway · 05/06/2016 19:23

Revelatory thread.

I don't consider myself disabled but I do have a hearing impairment, and lip read, which can make interaction with strangers difficult. Like the sandwich shop with counters at mouth height so lips are obscured. Or assistants who don't look at you when they talk to you (Asda this week). I have a script now and just say "I have to lip read so I can't hear you if you aren't looking at me".

In my very limited experience, declaring an impairment of any kind makes about 50% of people act very oddly, like they have no idea how to deal with you. Tip: if I've brought shopping to a till, try scanning it and taking my money.

And OH OH OH if you're trying to tell me something and I'm not getting it, don't say "oh, it doesn't matter", because what that means is "oh, you don't matter". And I do fucking matter.

At the end of the tax year Hmm our council suddenly dropped lots of kerbs in the village - like, every single place where there ought to be a drop and wasn't now has a broad and deep bobbly drop made properly smoothly level to the road. I noticed because I push a pram. You can now get everywhere without dealing with a single step assuming the Cunts haven't parked over the drop outside the newsagents and suddenly it's a pleasure not a military operation.

Akire · 05/06/2016 20:21

People assume I'm deaf because I don't speak. So annoying when they just don't talk to you or try mine something. Till I type can you just say it I'm not deaf. If I was deaf lip reading is way not exagareted baby words.

Hate when you go someone stop every person in front of you and say something like. Hello good evening enjoy your stay (possible handing you flyer or something) you sit watch previous 10 people. When it's your turn you may get a smile you may get a goo evening you may get leaflet but the whole shambon of what every other adult got you will not get

Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 05/06/2016 22:10

I had to come away from that buggy thread. It gives me the rage. 80/20 rule again.

OP posts:
IcaMorgan · 05/06/2016 22:47

I made my sweary post on the buggy thread then went to the pub so by the time I got to read the rest I was too chilled out to care.

With regards to changing rooms there's very few that will take a wheelchair round here and those that do I end up waiting 20 mins or do for as they let people in with 10 items or with buggys (oh look buggys again) so I can never get in them. Last time I tried to use the one in TK Max there were 2 adults and a child in the disabled cubicle each trying on several items until I gave in and told the member of staff they could stick their clothes if they couldn't even keep the cubicle free and she went and made them leave and go into one of the 15 normal cubicles

Akire · 05/06/2016 22:58

Yes yes to that. After 10m
Once of waiting for mum and kids I took wheelchair down to 10 cubicles. Much to assistant trying to tell me I coulnt! I managed park chair half in curtain door and move. Assistant then stands in door way watching. I told her get lost while I changed top!!

I didn't mind leaving curtain open as no one else there but why did she think it was ok to watch? It's ok for able bodied use my space but oh shock horror If I want to use their space (albeit by having stripping off in public) I still got out faster than mum and kids.

IcaMorgan · 06/06/2016 10:24

A nice story for once. I live on a new build estate that has gardeners. I've just asked them if they can strim my jungle of a garden while they are doing the communal areas and they agreed straight away and started doing it straight away. I will actually be able to sit in my garden while it's nice weather Smile

Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 06/06/2016 10:32

That's nice of the gardeners. Nice to hear good things.

OP posts:
IcaMorgan · 06/06/2016 10:45

How are you doing today mummyme?

Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 06/06/2016 11:46

Chilling at home. Only place I feel safe.

OP posts:
Akire · 06/06/2016 11:52

I've come out coffee shop end road. There a park down next road but no dropped curbs. One half way down road but cars usually front and means long ride middle of road as other side roads can't get back up either. Makes me nervous even thinking s out it. Crap though as live in flat with no outside space just on pavement on busy road so be so lovely just go sit park without anxiety about if can get down or back up again without getting sworn at by car drivers.

Should really go take pictures send council. They building cross rail station on the road it's not like break bank put in few dropped curbs. Currently it's least 8 inch drop!

Baconyum · 06/06/2016 11:53

How lovely of the gardeners.

I got the rage on the buggy thread and posted a v long post. I hope I haven't offended anybody here with what I've said, honestly some of those posters!!

Baconyum · 06/06/2016 11:55

Tweet council

#2cmOrLess

NoHaudinMaWheest · 06/06/2016 11:59

Baconyum I thought your post was ace and admire your tenacity in addressing everything that was brought up.
How frustrating about the dropped kerbs. Surely if they are building a station it should be put in as standard? (But I know that is fantasy sadly.)

Baconyum · 06/06/2016 12:06

Thank you nohaudin (as a fellow scot I love your username too)

Akire · 06/06/2016 12:06

I might UN hide the thread to look at your post! It was making my BP to high!

It's long road and building new station in the middle so may actual contact council. There zillions other disabled people I see mostly on scooters using that road least they can do higher curbs and general get out of the way faster than me!

Akire · 06/06/2016 12:08

Can someone remind me where thread was, can't work out how to UN hid it on phone

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