To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

[Mummyme1987]

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

I'm stepping away from the buggy thread. It's obvious that people just won't see that its a wheelchair space not a buggy space. Or don't want to .

Hey OP I haven't read the thread just your original post, arrrrrrrrrrgh, yanbu which I am sure you know, I wish I knew wtf was wrong with everyday people. Sending you lots of karma .........

Akire I read an article about a disabled lawyer in New York who will go to places JUST to see their American With Disabilities act violations and sue them to fix it or pay him $2,000. I thought that was genius and was sad I wasn't a lawyer because I would totally nail all the businesses I can't get into

Heck our village doesn't even have curb cuts on all the sidewalks! I'd sue the village but it's poor anyway lol

Put wee message through at cafe

On fb or through their door or in person if very brave

Lightbulb £3.50

Lost business £40 MINIMUM (how much other custom have they lost from migraine sufferers/partially sighted/epileptics?

I would love to set up a disabled parents support group but my condition fluctuates so much it's hard to know if and when I'll be ok so not very dependable!

I have so many stories.

My first was before I got my own wheelchair and was using a stick. I was at Gatwick and was using their assistance and they had put me in a chair. Got to the gate, handed the guy my passport and he handed it over my head to the assistance woman. I snatched it out of his hand and said I think you'll find that's mine not hers why are you handing it to her? He just mumbled sorry and asked for the next passport. The assistance woman apologised and said she would speak to a manager about it.

Then I got got my own wheelchair 3 years ago and boy did things change. I had a manual one for about six weeks (all I could take it for) and I lost count of how many times people would walk up behind me, grab the handles and start pushing saying where would you like to go dear? And no matter how much I said I was fine they insisted on pushing me til it suited them to stop.

I then got my powered chair. I get ignored in queues til I shout I was first, people talk over me, hand things to friends across me, swear at me when they walk into me, not notice me and fall into my lap, screamed at when I can't stop in time when they stop dead in front of me (if they do it once I will try and avoid but after that I don't even try and stop so I hit them now), push in front when I'm trying to get in the disabled toilet or lifts, constantly get asked what's wrong with you then?, and one of the best was getting offered pity sex by some idiot in the pub because it's probably the only way I'll get sex. That's not including the way I get treated in hospitals. Had to have a scan to see if I have gall stones (I have ) and when I was called in the woman told me they couldn't do it as they couldn't find the paperwork so didn't know what I was there for, so I said maybe she could ask me and I would tell her. She the said oh do you know why you're here? So I pointed out that I'm in a wheelchair not brain dead.

I've been injured in disabled toilets by baby change units falling on me (still in serious pain from it 4 months on) and got fobbed off by the waitress when I reported it (went to head office about that and got sent a £50 voucher).

The best one of all I think was Berlin airport. On my way home from a 5 day trip (my first in a chair to see what it would be like) and the flight was delayed by 45 minutes as the plane was diverted on the way over due to thunderstorms. Eventually it arrived and they took me to the plane first. They put me in an evacuation chair and RAN up the stairs with me backwards, scared the shit out of me. Got to my seat and the steward came over and said I was needed outside about my chair, I just looked at her so she decided my boyfriend could go and sort it. They then started boarding the rest of the passengers. While this was happening I could see a guy in a hi his vest and the captain running up and down the stairs. After about 20 minutes the steward came over and said I don't want to stress you out madam but there's a problem with putting your chair on the plane. Like that isn't going to stress me out, I then spent the next 25 minutes worrying that I was either going to be stuck in Berlin or at Gatwick with no wheelchair. Eventually (after 45 minutes) someone behind me asked the steward why we were now 1.5hrs late, the steward then made an announcement that we were delayed due to problems with a wheelchair (no mention of the storm) and as everyone had seen me sitting in the chair right by the door while waiting for the plane to arrive they all stared at me and started muttering. This announcement was made about 5 times in total including when we landed at Gatwick. Eventually the captain got my chair on board by ringing the UK and them taking full responsibility if anything happened due to the wheelchair being on board.

We won't even mention the buggys on buses and trying to get the wheelchair space on a train(that has to be booked 24hrs in advance, how the hell do I know how long I'm going to be in the hospital)or the stations that don't turn up to put you on/get you off a train

I would like to praise Bromley South and Denmark Hill train stations though as last week my fiancé had a heart attack so I was traveling to Kings College hospital for a few days without knowing any timings. They got me on trains with on average 2 mins notice and one time around 30 seconds notice where the train was just pulling in and the guy ran down and put the ramp out and held the train til I got on it (the train was late anyway so those extra 30 seconds made no difference).

Luckily LH the Motability scheme has changed a lot in that you can get many automatic cars with £0 advance payment. I use hand controls and I used to be (it's now free), charged for having an indicator switch on the hand control. It's not like this is a luxury as if you have one hand on the hand control and one on the steering ball, there is no way you could reach the indicator, and in my car the indicators are on the left anyway and there's no way you could stop steering the car to flick the switch

This is a picture of what hand controls look like. The bar on the right you pull to accelerate and push to brake, your left hand steers with the steering ball on the wheel. The indicator switch is the small white switch at the end of the accelerator/brake control. You flip it left or right depending on which indicator you want



I do however have to pay extra for automatic lights and wipers. When you can't take either hand away from the wheel/controls, how on earth are you supposed to turn them on? I mean it's not like if you get a sudden, heavy downpour of rain that you can carry on driving without wipers until you can pull over to switch them on. Or if it goes dark whilst you're driving you have to stop to turn the lights on.

It's also a bugbear of mine that I can't use main beam for the same reason. Luckily DH does it for me.

I used a disabled toilet in a pub we had gone to a meal for once, and after they unlocked it they then had to remove stepladders, 3 high chairs and 2 bar stools so I could get in. They then handed me a torch so I could see as the light wasn't working. When I came out they proceeded to pile everything back in there again so that the next time I wanted the toilet the same had to be done again!

Attachment fail!

I had a massive confrontation with a lady on the train once.

I was walking with crutches so it wasn't on my behalf, but the people directly in front of me were a lady in a wheelchair and her friend. They were a bit unfamiliar with trains, so I reckoned they didn't do it very often, whereas I travel regularly. Usually there's only one wheelchair space in normal class, and one in first on the type of train we were on, and there was an empty pushchair parked in it, while the woman sat further down the train and her toddler was walking up and down the aisle.

All the assistant did was get the lady on the train using the ramp, so there was no one to tell this lady with the pram she needed to fold it. I was already struggling to stand with the train movement, and the lady in the wheelchair was getting distressed at blocking the access to everyone behind her.

So I sort of took over, because I was really pissed off (and bloody sore trying to keep my balance). I told the woman she had to fold her pram several times, because she really didn't want to. I explained this was the only accessible spot for the wheelchair and that there is storage compartments in both the vestibules and at either end of the carriages and that as her child wasn't even using the pushchair, the decent thing to do would be to fold it and store it.

I couldn't believe that she could see two obviously disabled people struggling and still think leaving her empty pushchair in the spot was fine. She tried moving it along a bit, but there simply wasn't the space for the wheelchair to be parked safely (or with any room for the poor woman's legs) so I had to get a bit loud and bolshie, which is the complete opposite of who I am normally. When she folded it eventually, the two ladies were really grateful and thanked me. I was just really frustrated that people seem to think it's optional for the wheelchair space to be used when they have a pushchair and there's a blooming wheelchair user with greater need for it. Plus I was pissed that I was put at risk of a fall because she wanted to argue her point for an empty pushchair.

IF I am travelling, I will only use taxis these days, and on trains I insist the assistant takes me all the way to the space itself, so that if it's full of bags or pushchairs, they can clear the space.

That's only the one instance too, I have seen several other gobsmacking train versus wheelchair users instances. Enough to make me despair over the decency of many able-bodied travellers.

Purplerain I'm sorry some evil arseholes spoiled your day I hope today is much better for you.

Icamorgan I'm so sorry your poor DP I hope he's recovering well

Thanks ohtheholidays he's doing well, luckily it was only a minor one and he just has to take tablets rather than needing a stent. Although it has now put travel insurance up from £160 a year for both of us to £691 min and that's of the ones who will actually insure him. Yet another way of punishing the disabled as you can guarantee that the minute anything has the words disabled, mobility or wheelchair in front of it the price triples

My DS is disabled, and currently uses a Kaye walker and has a SN buggy. He gets a lot of people staring at him, but luckily at the moment he doesn't notice / isn't affected by it as he's only 4 and has learning difficulties as well as his physical disability so he's oblivious. I don't usually mind when children look at him, they're just curious and I often hear them asking their parents why he has the frame. It winds me up a bit when adults stare though, or when they try to shush the children as if the question is something to be ashamed of, rather than just try to answer honestly.

We've had a bit of grief over his blue badge and disabled parking bay the council have provided for him, mainly from some particularly unpleasant people on our street who can't believe a 4 year old child could possibly be entitled to a blue badge or to have a disabled bay put in for him.

I'm quite shocked reading what some of you have experienced. There are a lot of ignorant and inconsiderate people around.

Ica people handing things over you and talking over you drives me batty. If I'm anywhere with husband people talk to him over me.

Just yesterday I was buying a hat and the cashier lady looks at hubby and was all "such a nice hat you're getting!" Its a woman's sun hat! Hubby tells her I'm buying it and its mine and she still didn't look at me and asked him for money while I was holding out her money to buy my hat.

I'm currently sitting in tesco clothes dept, feeling shit. My eldest dd who is autistic has finally got a job interview and needs an outfit for tomorrow. I can't get down more than half the rows. I can't get to the fitting rooms. Why? They have got too narrow aisles with stuff sticking out. Like sunglasses stands. It's shit. It makes me feel like shit. I just want to help my dd on what is a very significant occasion for her.

Hah just ran over some hats!

Can you build up to asking the manager to move the barriers?

I just asked the ladies on the till. They were very apologetic but can't move anything as they are fixed to the pillars. Did move the hats though. Apparently where things go is all planned!!! Not well said I.

They seem to have basket things of items around pillars so that row is blocked.

Also needs the loo. The disabled trolleys don't fit in the trolley safe things. Had to wait to go with my dd like a I'm a child who needs supervision. Trolleys not allowed into loos obviously.

I've def got tesco rage today. And I wonder why I hate coming out. Constant reminders the world is not designed for you second class citizens.

I wish some of the fuckwits on the currentl bus thread would read this one but they probably still wouldn't understand.

I was so depressed by my experience of being a wheelchair user. I was once moved out of the way in Waitrose. I was completely shocked and felt dehumanised. As PPs have explained you can't see the person behind you and then once I could I was speechless.

we should have a worst changing room competition. I had horrific one at Next brand new store so no excuses. Would have been planned to inch of its life. Tried to go in changing room before realised no disabled changing like there is usually in women's department.

Noticed how plush and great changing room looked. Beautify seats, soft curtains, flowrrs pictures nice mirrors.

So I find the disabled changing room...... It was basically a prison cell. With 2 spot lights at opposite corners so you either stood in full on spot light or darkness not a single picture or anything on wall just a note a builder had writing in pencil next to a hole "this needs filling in". The lock was too high carer had to lock it.

There was even a toilet brush there!! Not even a wrapped I got lost from homeware one just one. Presume because the hard plastic seat with bars had looked like loo. CLeaner or someone had left.
It woulnt have been half as bad if i hadn't just gone into beautiful womens changing room. It just sucks.

I complained got a £15 voucher. I wanted them to pass complaint onto head of design or whatever not sure they did. You expect shit changing facilities in old store, this use to be a broom cupboard/storage room suppose we let you use it. But this was multi million pound brand new store. Not asking for alot just as much care to how it looks as is possible. It is possible to be functional and not look like prison cell. Imagine the fact rest changing rooms were t bar means something ie we cherish you , we want you to feel comfortable and spend time here

Not mention when you came out in middle of baby wear no rail or place to leave anything. If you had trouble walking you woulnt want trek half way across store to change size or put back. We dumped the stuff on kids table and left.

I do believe tescos merchandising is done by Retail Merchandising Services... Might be worth a complaint to both