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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

763 replies

Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2016 02:11

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
16
BeyondTellsEveryoneRealFacts · 04/06/2016 20:26

Yyy (!!!) to people thinking I am some sort of shopping trolley.

My ds2 also thinks I am a pushchair, but he's a bolter so I don't mind that so much!

Akire · 04/06/2016 21:06

Oh yes like having wear same batted handbag with every outfit (the chair) least when you try make bit of effort you don't want to be going around with pile of carrier bags, coats, umbrellas or whatever else stuck on your back. Nobody gets it!! I know I'm not physically carrying it but I look like bag lady! It's not the impression I was going for.

Akire · 04/06/2016 21:58

I should not have posted on buggy v wheelchair rage. People just don't get it!

LurkingHusband · 04/06/2016 22:23

I should not have posted on buggy v wheelchair rage. People just don't get it!

As if by magic ...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2653850-Another-buggy-in-wheelchair-space-thread

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls · 04/06/2016 22:40

When people compare babies in buggies to adults in wheelchairs, I feel stabby.

BishopBrennansArse · 04/06/2016 22:47

There are some fucking depressing posts on there.

UnderaRock · 04/06/2016 22:55

Purple I almost hauled off and decked a lady who told me that handicap parking should be synonymous with mother and child parking. She was all 'but I have to do the stroller and my kid and my bags.' I've never wanted to tear someone's face off more

Akire · 04/06/2016 22:56

I gave up London buses after one to many bad incidents. Including being screened at by the driver as to where I was getting off. Apprently pressing the wheelchair space bell that lights up different icon from normal bell wasn't enough!

I have problems with speech so coulnt tell him when I press the button like you know everyone else..... He also made me pay accused me of trying not to pay. When wheelchair users don't pay on London uses. Mainly because you can't actually get to the front to pay!

UnderaRock · 04/06/2016 22:57

Lurking some of those replies are sad. People really do hate disabled folks smh

Akire · 04/06/2016 23:00

love it when people point out the wheelchair symbols on the underground like thers loads. Until you say you do realise wheelchair symbol means step free from street to platform only!

Great if you manual user that's strong or half a rugby team following you around but since the train stops about half foot away and up or down my power chair isn't going to levitate from platform onto it!

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls · 04/06/2016 23:01

They're apparently jealous of our bus spaces, our large toilets and our lifts. They have everything I want; healthy, working legs.

ohtheholidays · 04/06/2016 23:20

I thought we were having the week from hell in our house but then today showed me I was wrong when it got so much worse.

I've managed to break a toe,our DD8 who's disabled and autistic has spent pretty much every day having servere autistic meltdowns then this morning our DD13 woke up screaming in pain with her head,her Dad rushed her of to the walk in center(our Dr's are never open on a Saturday now)they then got sent straight to the hospital,she was sick 9 times within an hour,they kept her in for a few hours to observe her then sent her home and told us we have to go to our Dr's first thing monday morning because they think she's getting tonsilitis again(this will be the second time she's had it)and for some strange reason when she gets it she gets seriouslly ill.
Youngest DD's not feeling well neither they think it's the same thing as her big sister and my kidneys are trying to pack in again.

All of that ontop of the 5DC,3 of us being disabled,3 of us being ill(2 of us of that 3 are disabled)DD's autism meltdowns going through the roof,second oldest DS buggering his ankle up(severe sprain might need an OP)me breaking a toe,DD8 not sleeping all week so poor DH can't sleep and losing a family member.
My lovely Nan always always used to say God only puts onto the shoulders of those he knows that can cope,this week he must think we have shoulders as wide as the sodding river Nile.

I hope none of you are having as bad a week as we our.x

Akire · 04/06/2016 23:21

Wow you win! Things always seem to happen together don't they. Hope everyone is back to normal sick level soon!

Baconyum · 04/06/2016 23:35

Ohtheholidays hope things improve a lot and soon!

"Next time you go shopping try doing it but only going where it's no higher than 2cm higher. (That's about limit for my power chair to get up) "

Great idea for a campaign to impress upon the non disabled.

#2cmOrLess

Also every time a business fails

#lostmybusiness

Because if loads of us do it they will notice if they have it pointed out to them ITS LOSING THEM MONEY!

I also like to thank and promote businesses that DO make the effort

Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 04/06/2016 23:37

Holidays, I'm so sorry that is a Awful day. Flowers for you.

OP posts:
Akire · 04/06/2016 23:40

Wow my own hash tag lol you are right about business I have lovely coffee shop near me big accesable great however have a flicking light one of those spotlight easy to change bulb. Been in there once in 2 weeks I keep pointing out it triggers migraine yet not fixed. Cost them about £3.50. I easily spent £20 a week there so they about £40 lost business already! It is just a bulb but im not up for spending rest of day in more pain and vomiting if can be avoided thanks.

Original poster
Mummyme1987 · 04/06/2016 23:41

that bus thread is very telling. A few of the attitudes are awful! Though there's no buses here so I can't use them anyway. Nearest bus stop is over 3 miles away!

OP posts:
UnderaRock · 04/06/2016 23:48

Oh the holidays I'm so sorry you've had a bad week. I hope next week is so much betterFlowers

Baconyum · 05/06/2016 00:10

Certain posters on that buggy thread ought to be bloody ashamed!

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls · 05/06/2016 00:13

Twats, complete and utter twats. Angry I'm sweary and angry today because I had to go on the hellhole that is the London Underground. Inaccessible piece of shit. I used my crutches which obv made me invisible and I had to ask for a seat. It was given....reluctantly! Got an extortionate cab home because I was wrecked and tearful. It ruined a special day out.

ohtheholidays · 05/06/2016 00:39

Thankyou you lovely,lovely people Flowers

I started reading the bus thread from the link on here and then stopped,I thought if I carried on reading(after the week we've had)I'd either cry,start swearing or both so I'll go back to it tomorrow,that if fingers crossed tomorrow is a better day.

Talking about transport it reminded me of a report(I think that's what it was)on the tv someone wore a camera and they filmed the black cabs that wouldn't stop for a women that needed a cab and was in a wheelchair,did anyone else see it?It was bloody awful,I think they reported the taxis who refused to let the lady in and those who ignored her.

Akire · 05/06/2016 00:46

People can't see fact that inconveniencing them once in blue moon is not same as doing it 2-4 times a day and getting Agro every time. It is really sad. Of course we not expecting anyone with newborn twins to fold the buggy just if you can put your toddler on your lap and fold up a buggy with one hand - like you think you use on a bus and no problem!! I'm still shaking from replying on it!!!

Not suprised about taxis either think guide dogs get same. Though was thing few weeks channel 4 did series of unaccessable Britain when guide dog gets refused permission or asked to leave restaurant or shop (awful as it is) it stands out. Yet wheelchair users never even get that far because of acess.

If we made point of ringing doorbells and asking for ramps - then we were refused it may highlight it better. As it is we see even tiny step think did that can't get in, shrug shoulders and just carry on. All these shop owners get away with least asking us to leave!

Baconyum · 05/06/2016 01:00

Which is why I think pointing out as many times as possible that they're LOSING MONEY as a result that will make them interested.

Any business that I deal with that gives exceptionally bad or good service gets treated by me accordingly.

If they're bad I slate to as many as possible, if they're good I praise equally.

As for the twins - I've held twin babies in one arm and folded buggy with another. It's not easy but can be done.

UnderaRock · 05/06/2016 01:01

New pet peeve. When I go somewhere and am driving? People get all upset and go 'OMG YOU CAN DRIVE?' UGH Yes I can drive. I have hand controls

Akire · 05/06/2016 01:07

I complained to my local oxfarm shop that it didn't have ramp. Was told it did just because shop maned by basically little old ladies meant they coulnt move ramp (not that I would have expected them too!)

I've lived here 20y I could have had a baby then spent entire childhood of theirs unable to get in this shop. I could have a grandchild now I asked them are they planning on making the shop accesable so at some future point I could take my fake grandchild into, said no plans!

This is crux of disability act. Been legal for 21years and no one will even stick their nose out and say this is not on in the next 5-10-20y you have to do something. It's just assumed at some point their will.