To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

[Mummyme1987]

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

I once parked part onto a dropped kerb in a rushed school run. I had unloaded half the children and pushchair when I noticed someone in a mobility scooter approaching the kerb. To my utter shame, it simply had not occurred to me that people in mobility scooters would need to access the dropped kerb. I immediately apologised, left children and half pushchair and moved the car, but it really opened my eyes to how difficult just everyday life must be. I read Melanie reids column in the times and, again, it's been an eye opener. I don't know why I'm sharing this, really-I'm just trying to empathise and I try to do my small part to make peoples lives slightly less difficult.

yes dropped curbs and parking are nightmare. As is general assumption after 7pm you can park on double yellow dropped curb, as if we are all under curview. Often there's engineers blocking road on going fault phone line I can do 10min half mile de tour or have to go along a very busy rat run in London in the middle of road parked cars all way for about 100 metres to next dropped curb. Which I woulnt even attempt without making workman in orange vest walk behind me!

I can drop backwards off a curb in emergency but that not for faint hearted but I can't get back up!

Sometimes even council put sulus places there's rou about by me 4 exits always v busy they dropped curbs are about half metre from edge curb but as roundabout is built up and flowrrs all very pretty but as I'm lower down its death risk! Have to try guess if anything coming then dart out hope you don't get run over. There is no option to cross further down as all Parked card and dead end so can't cross over. Car drives will then helpful beep you/shout abuse as if it never occurred to you it's dangerous.

Oh Mummy that's awful,is there someone you can complain to at the hospital?Maybe send them an email and tell them how often you have to attend that part of the hospital and tell them every single time it's always been the same.

Surely if there's things in the way that would be breaching they're own Health and Safety regulations as well.

It's the being aware then changing that is the key.

I've complained. It's the way they do things and because the things are moveable it's fine apparently

I'm lucky in that I don't go out alone. So my dh can bump me etc if there's no dropped curbs. Being very rural the problem is no pavements! But there's no public transport and everything is a car journey and I'm not able to drive. So I can't be independent anyway. My oh is a star though. He does everything to help. Can't imagine how I would cope without him.

Looks like the nasty letters are illegal then, that's good. Do you think ESA50s (from DWP) count as letters that cause alarm and distress?

A lot of this seems to be that people just aren't aware. Weird with the council ones though - I thought they had to assess everyting for disability friendliness? (ditto race, religion, etc).

Do you think hidden cameras and stuff is the way to go? Social media campaign?

My local leisure centr had a re fit the counter is now higher up! There are barriers gate to get in so you can't even roll back wards to attract attention or to see them. I'm never going there again. I refuse to pay money when can't see someone's face. I'm not throwing money over the counter!

def ESA letters are designed to cause distress.

I wonder how much it costs to take places to court?

Also, the hospital examples, blocked corriors etc. WTF? Don't they have to be clear to wheel beds through etc? And you'd think, significantly higher numbers of people in wheelchairs?

It's sad really we all get excited if we go somewhere like shop accesable all around store can park , has a loo or coffee shop with seating not fixed and room to move without having to get 10 sets of people to move their chairs. This is what "normal" ppl except as matter of course yet still rare enough to get a" isn't this great!"

Sadly most non disabled think everything is accesable because see odd sign but never have to try use them. When reality is very different. Next time you go shopping try doing it but only going where it's no higher than 2cm higher. (That's about limit for my power chair to get up) so no just crossing road at any point, prob have to miss out third of shops

The outpatients don't tend to have beds I suppose so they don't care.

You still think they'd be used to higher than average numbers of people in wheelchairs. So it would jog their memory if it was an oversight initially.

We need some kind of pimped up super power wheelchair with a snowplough type design. Then you could all show up at appointments pushing a mountain of collected debris (trolleys, chairs, bins, careless pedestrians) ahead of you. And clear the corridors for the next person.

mummy hospital is awful. If you have complained they can't be unaware but obviously don't care -and you can't be the only outpatient who is a wheelchair user.
I am not very surprised though. At a well known children's hospital, dd had to wait in a cramped corridor because her wheelchair wouldn't fit through the waiting room door. Same place she couldn't manoeuvre in the 'accessible' loo because someone had put a bin behind the door. I complained - obviously something easy to fix - but next time it was exactly the same.

After waiting 6m see dentist at hospital as dentist worried about taking back tooth out (no idea why) say for 2h in way in hall- fixed seating do only space on corner or front of doors. Only to be told needed an X-Ray that I coulnt have as I need to stand up! You think at large dentist department in big standard hospital they have provision for beds/chairs/very small people. But NO! My dentist that's basically in front room in terrace house was better equipment to X-ray me than them. I was not impressed

It was for my daughter today. So a children's clinic for sick kids. Full of prams and wheelchairs. Still they insist on putting tables outside the rooms for the notes and random huge toys like kitchens and those wooden puzzle cube things. But because they are technically moveable it's fine.

Found these old know but well worth watch will ring all bells if you are disabled and really interesting for non disabled too. Guy wakes up in flipped world where he is out one out really good! Part one
m.youtube.com/watch?v=FZfOVNwjFU0

Part two!
m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpdyIYEmrs8

Once I'm loving the snowplough Idea! 😂

They by the disability rights commission by the way nothing dodgy!

Could it happen now? Some years ago my friend who used a wheelchair and was blind was travelling by train alone, all necessary bookings made. Arriving late in the evening at a large station he was unloaded on to the platform. And left. He heard the train leave. His wheelchair began to move, he began to chat to the person he assumed was pushing it. An alarmed passer by grabbed the chair so he didn't fall on to the track.
It couldn't happen now, could it?
I'm appalled at what I've read on this thread and will certainly be looking out for anything I can do to improve things. I'm have slight mobility problems. I'll keep on moaning at blocked dropped kerbs and dirty disabled loos. Don't even start me on tube stations without lifts!!

This thread continues apace ...

Funny lifts being mentioned. The Glee Club in Birmingham is only accessible via a lift. We went there last year (never again), and the staff had to clear loads of chairs out of the way before we could get into the lift.

When you consider that "The Glee Club" is a highly profitable chain of venues, it's clear they have no interest in accessibility. Which was no surprise really, since they make no mention of it on their website (not that that's unusual in itself).

What makes me want to cry (one day I may - sod growing old with dignity) is that we're back to the 80/20 rule. Addressing 20% of the issues would massively help 80% of the people.

As a basic example. The single most useful "adaptation" a disabled driver would find useful, is an automatic gearbox. Given that, you'd think that the Motability scheme would treat that as a basic provision, and it would not incur a cost.

I hope no-one bet on that. Because they'd lose - many automatics on the motability scheme require additional payment .

Recently, we visited a Costa which has 2 disabled bays provided. Both were free when we arrived (we wheeled from a nearby supermarket where we did have parking, as you'd have to be start staring mad [or have no choice to leave a parking space you have, on the off chance another will be free). As we left, I noticed one of their suppliers had parked their van in one of the bays.

I duly photographed it, and sent it to Costa, and the company involved.

No reply from company.

"Oh dear" from Costa.

Now, if it were I, at Costa, then the supplier would have lost their contract, because I would have written into it a clause that cuntish behaviour by any of their drivers would be grounds for termination. (I would actually use that wording. I like the idea of a court declaring that so-and-so "acted like a cunt").

Of course that used up valuable energy which now can't be used towards caring for my wife. You have to choose your battles.

My local hobbycraft had a broken ramp lift for years!!!! They finally re fitted but with glass floor moves version. I tried it once never again! I'm not nervous type though heights don't thrill me with excitement but was awful. Felt v flimsey and floor topped when tried roll out only by cm or so but that high up felt very unsafe. I live in block of flats with tiny lift can't see how much cheaper that was. No one in right mind would use it unless thrill seeking Alton towers person. Shane as avid artist and could spent a lot as all their artist books/pads/paints and brushes are upstairs so it's Amazon all the way. They are a massive chain so it's just doing the best mim not what lift most customers would prefer.

On adaptations with no thought. Our local Pizza Express had a refit which included providing a disabled loo - up a steep, high step.