To be fed up of feeling like I'm a second-class member of society

[Mummyme1987]

I had a serious car accident a few years ago, and have various medical complications too. I use a wheelchair. I'm fed up with this feeling that because I have mobility and medical problems, I'm not a full member of society. I overheard a now non friend imply that I was a drain on society because I don't work. Lately I've had issues with people talking over me, at a checkout I'm ignored and even though my hand is out for the change it's given to my husband. Little things like people moving my wheelchair so I'm facing the wall. Even moving me so I bash my toes. And then there is the parking issues, comments about being too young to have mobility problems, like being young stops car accidents. I've put on weight since the accident, so i get a lot of too fat to walk comments. Why do people do this? My family are fab, we have other disabilities in the family, and at home I don't feel this way. Im now finding I don't enjoy leave the house unless I have too. Im fed up with other people's attitudes. When I have talked to these people about the attitude, they always try to lay it at my feet with the dont be so sensitive, maybe you are depressed (I'm not), I'm actually really happy, I just am fed up with your attitude! Im not even sure why i am writing this but it has boiled ever today.

That reminds me, at my last CXR, noone asked if i was pregnant!

Once on being admitted to hospital got asked if o had children - no.

Quickly followed by a "are you sure?" I'm pretty sure that's not the normal response to a No. Maybe she thought Disabled = confused! Tempted as I was to say oh now you have reminded me ye 4 rings a bell.

At work I was pushing someone in a wheelchair towards my colleague who was taking over from me. As we came close enough to speak, my colleague looked at me - not at the guy we were helping - and asked "Where's he going, then?" just as though the guy was dead or asleep or deaf. I was so, so embarrassed I just didn't know what to say to the man I was helping.

Surely in every workplace that deals with the public, special training should be given on how NOT to treat the disabled. It's a pity it's needed, but it seems that it is!

Seen elsewhere....

If you see someone in a wheelchair stand up or walk, just keep your mouth shut. They were either prescribed that wheelchair and the NHS agreed they needed it, or they became so desperate for the mobility the chair would provide that they paid a lot of money out of pocket.

It's estimated that around 85% of full time wheelchair users can stand or walk to some extent. Think of it like glasses; the majority of people who wear them can technically see without them, but they reduce pain, improve the quality of the wearer's life and enable millions of people to do things they otherwise couldn't. A wheelchair is no different. In fact, even part time users legitimately need their chair, just as people who need reading glasses legitimately need their glasses. In addition to paralysis, some reasons for using a wheelchair include fatigue, pain, fragile joints/bones, vertigo, and many, many other debilitating symptoms.

Using a wheelchair is already stressful enough as it is, thanks to iffy accessibility. Please don't add to a disabled person's difficulties by calling them a faker.

I often feel the urge upon standing up from my wheelchair to shout "OMG it's a miracle" just to laugh at the people staring, but I know it's bad taste.

I occasionally have to wear nappy style continence products too, which makes me feel really unsexy, and I worry about how someone would feel about a sexual relationship with someone with continence problems (and prolapses).

I have to say, I have contemplated the use of a wheelchair/mobility scooter on an adhoc basis (To enable me to do more things with DH and the dcs).
I don't think I'm going to do it now.
Will find other ways to get around my issues first.

Bacon Glitternails that's not only utterly disgusting it's a hate crime!!

I'm not sure if it is. I looked it up when that bitch called me a psycho. I assumed a disability hate crime was akin to "inciting racial hatred" type stuff but it's not. It seems something has to be a crime in itself, but motivated by disability hatred, in order to prosecute. So eg. if someone was assualted for being disabled. So if the letters contain threats aside from the hate, then it'd count. Unless anonymous letters are already illegal, or it counts as harassment or something?

Definitely worth checking though. What a sad, pathetic person they must be to do that. glitternails I hope you're not looking at the letters anymore, but do keep them in case they're necessary for evidence. Maybe get someone else to read them so the content is known eg. if threats are made.

Beyond Thinking about it, neither did i ever get told not to breast-feed somewhere.
You breastfed, in public, whilst disabled?
Surprised you didn't get wheeled off to a cutained off corner of shame by some passing Victorians...

Just booked assisted travel for tomorrow night to an unattended railway station.

Wish me luck.

Last time we did this the conductor was supposed to meet me with a ramp but didn't. DH had to lift my 78 kilo power chair onto the train which had a platform gap of almost a foot.

Once! 😄

I'm not sure if it is. I looked it up when that bitch called me a psycho. I assumed a disability hate crime was akin to "inciting racial hatred" type stuff but it's not. It seems something has to be a crime in itself, but motivated by disability hatred, in order to prosecute. So eg. if someone was assualted for being disabled. So if the letters contain threats aside from the hate, then it'd count. Unless anonymous letters are already illegal, or it counts as harassment or something?

Funny ...

www.theregister.co.uk/2016/06/02/social_media_arrests_up_37pc_london_section_127_communications_act/

Two-and-a-half thousand Londoners have been arrested over the past five years for allegedly sending “offensive” messages via social media, statistics have revealed. (contd)

I've never been able to get help at those stations Bishop. 😡

Sorry to hear everybody's awful stories but sadly I'm not surprised, there seems to be such a push to catch "disability fakers" that everyone comes under suspicion and it has engendered the worst attitudes towards people with disabilities from a horrible minority of people.

The problem is, even if it moved from 20% of people to 5% of people, those people are going to make you feel like crap and it shouldn't be on disabled people to educate these eejits or stand up for themselves.

What would really help is if accessibility was properly addressed and Disability discrimination properly prosecuted. I just don't see how we can force a change - is there a way of consciousness raising that could work?

Mummyme you honestly don't know how much this thread is helping me Thankyou

I had a bit of a shitty day yesterday,we went into town,we took our youngest DD out for lunch and spoiled her a bit.

We hadn't been in town long and I asked her if she needed the wheelchair or did she think she'd be okay walking around for a while(she wanted the wheelchair so my DH went to get it from the car)as soon as I said it a women stopped in her tracks turned around and looked my DD up and down,she then stood staring at her legs and then looked her up and down again,no word of a lie she stood there for 5 minutes doing this,I did loose it then.I said oh I'm sorry would you like to see her Dr's records or maybe her hospital records.
She shot me a horrible look and walked off,she didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed!

It just got worse from there sadly,we popped into M&S and people managed that miracle where whilst simultaneously staring at our DD in the wheelchair they still managed to walk into her.
She's 8 and an amazing little girl despite the fact that she's very poorly and in pain pretty much every day.I did give anyone that was an Arse very short shrift that day and so did my DH,my DD thought me and her Dad were very funny(the little monkey)her response I swear was the only thing that managed to keep me going yesterday.

NamechangeMUM I do that often It's a Miracle,the arses look shocked the good people laugh

Another one of my regulars is keep on staring I'll jump up and do the Can Can in a minute,my DH usually follows up with seriously don't tempt her she'll do it,she's done it before! I swear it's his fault,him and the DC all encourage me.

I don't understand what you mean by "funny"?, Lurking?

I was just pointing ot that in order to be a disability hate crime it has to be a crime in its own right even without the disability element. So sadly the verbal abuse I received in the street doesn't count. I wrote "Unless anonymous letters are already illegal, or it counts as harassment or something?"

Your link seems to suggest that is is a crime in itself. Great - the poster can report it. But there is no need to be scathing about my post when I already pointed out that it was a possibility.

And I'm astounded that sending "a false message to cause annoyance, inconvenience or anxiety” is a crime - isn't the scope rather wide? I'm a bit at crimes like that because they seem to be used against people in inappropriate circumstances whilst others get off.

I'm sure disability hate crime dosnt need a crime as such. For example if I constantly shouted you f-ing paki go back to your own country at someone that's racial abuse without actionaly thumping them. Ditto disability hate crime calling someone lazy f-ing spastic why can't you get a job is counted a hate crime.

Weeeell... sussex police reckon a hate crime isn't a hate crime when it takes place in a supermarket car park...

(I'm talking malicious damage to motability vehicle by elderly man who took exception to me using a blue badge bay).

Weeeell... sussex police reckon a hate crime isn't a hate crime when it takes place in a supermarket car park...

(I'm talking malicious damage to motability vehicle by elderly man who took exception to me using a blue badge bay).

Akire Yes but racial abuse is not the same as disability hate crime, is it? They should probably be treated the same way, but I don't think they are right now. I did actualy make that point.

Saying "You're sure" - well I did actually look this up after being verbally abused in the street, so I dont know why you're so "sure" to discredit me.

Have just googled again now. First result - A disability hate crime is
"Any criminal offence which is perceived, by the victim or any other person, to be motivated by a hostility or prejudice based on a person’s disability or perceived disability.."

Disability Rights UK say:

"What is Disability Hate crime? A hate crime is any criminal offence that is motivated by hostility or prejudice based upon the victim's disability or perceived disability."

So according to these it does have to be a crime, as well as motivated by disability hate.

Citizens Advice, which is where I sought advice when it happened to me, talks about "hate incidents" before going on to say
"When a disability hate incident becomes a criminal offence, it’s known as a disability hate crime. There are no specific disability hate crimes. Any criminal offence can be a disability hate crime, if the offender targeted you because of their hostility or prejudice against disabled people.

This is a bit vaguer, but still seems to suggest something has to be a crime in itself, aside from the disability aspect.

On another page, CAB state:
"When hate incidents become criminal offences they are known as hate crimes. A criminal offence is something which breaks the law of the land. Any criminal offence can be a hate crime if it was carried out because of hostility or prejudice based on disability, race, religion, transgender identity or sexual orientation."

That seems to be clearer.

Although it does say that "hate incidents" should also be reported to the police.

FYI, have just looked it up. "Incitement to racial hatred" (sections 17-29, Public Order Act, 1986) includes
"s.18 - using threatening/abusive/insulting words or behaviour or displaying written material with intent/likely to stir up racial hatred".

There is no equivalent "inciting disability hatred" law.

There can't be a law against "inciting disability hatred" as the Tories would be guilty!

I'm sorry you had a shitty day Holidays xxx 💐

I'm not looking forward to hospital tomorrow, the effort, the stares, the whole trying to get in the tiny room past all the stuff in the narrow corridor.

Bless you,hope your not having to stay in,with the stares practice saying the come backs we've all shared on your thread and report back all the shocked looks for us

With the tiny room and all the stuff tell them they'll need to shift it for you to be able to get in there,they really should know that all ready in a hospital.

Good Luck with tomorrow I hope the hospital is low on dickheads whilst your there

Thanks xx

OnceThereWasThisGirlWho

My "funny" was not aimed at you. It was an observation that the powers that be (in this case the police) have the ability to pick and choose what laws they decide to enforce, and how they do it.