To want to tell this Ridiculous competitive parent to shut the hell up

[Choccybadger]

There is a parent at my childrens' school who winds me up so much I am struggling not to explode in an undignified manner.
I have tried to keep my distance at the gates, in playground etc but she always makes a beeline for me.
She knows we have been house hunting for a while as it comes up sometimes and my kids tell their friends what they did at the w/end.
Most of our conversations go like this.
Her: have you found a house yet?
Me: no, not what we're looking for just yet.
Her: our house is on the market too. We've been offered £xx for it but not sure whether to take it as think it's worth more. Our house is so amazing you know.
Me: lovely. Hope you find something.
Her: we've decided to wait til next year as my partner will move up so so much in salary and bonus and will be able to buy a £1m house just with his bonus. It's just so much easier to find something decent over the £1m. Everything else is a bit shit

Me: great.
Her: yeah, we will just have SO much money. You know, we've just bought the £70k car, having a £15k holiday because we know how much money we will have. It's embarrassing. What's your budget? How much does your husband earn?

Now, we don't do too badly but I feel very uncomfortable talking about money like this with someone I barely know. I find it quite rude to keep talking about it and also to suggest that anything anyone buys for less than £1m is crap. That's not the case. We don't live in London and our part of the world doesn't have the highest prices.

It doesn't stop there. Literally every time shd speaks to me she tells me how gifted her children are and she's been told they are "amazing" at something or other. The way she puts it sounds as though she is putting my kids down, my youngest in particular.
I get the impression it's personal, that she's not like this with other mums.
How can I politely but firmly tell her I just don't care and actually find it rude, uncomfortable and belittling as well as hating the barbed comments about my kids in relation to hers?

Yes I do see where you're coming from Garlic. And though I can only talk for me, I had poor parenting. To be like her she will have too. She's possibly been too focused on being a supportive trophy wife (and therefore not cast aside as many high powered executives have done for a younger model) to think about growing herself. Her life may well be a series of character assassinating sacrifices - he could be a philandering prick. Or not - I'm speculating. Just to be like her she will not be happy.

She does sound desperately sad.
Try talking about how "money is so over-rated though, isn't it? Don't you think we are all a bit too worried about houses and material possessions? I think we use them to make up for the emptiness of our lives, tbh - what do you think?"

Give her 20p and tell her to phone someone who gives a damn

Or if you want to be more direct. 'It's ok. People will like you for who you are, not what you've got '

Say, 'How nice' to all her boasts. Then mention that you went to finishing school. If she asks what you learned there, say you learned to say 'how nice' every time you felt like saying 'f*ck u'

Why don't you talk about you relatives.

You know the ones who have been approached to be on the 'next benefits street' / 'excessive compulsive horders' / 'big brother' / 'Towie' etc.

Ask if she has any advice as you think it might be good for them, but you have also been asked to appear with your friends for a back story segment and would she like to be one of them.

Ahhh, I remember the days when I had a playground lurker like this.

Then whilst she was nosing through the teacher's paperwork one day she found out that my DS had beaten her DS in the phonics reading test. She's never forgiven me.

Go with TradGirl's excellent suggestion.

This woman has lots of issues clearly & you should probably feel sorry for her. But she is invading your space with negative energy so you need to prevent that happening.

Have you asked anyone else at the school about her? Has she already done this to everyone else so now no one will give her time of day & she is targeting you?

Do her poor kids have any friends?

Chipped not the phonics test. Is that 'A' levels for 5 and 6 yr olds?

Clearly she's unhappy. I've been in that situation and I tend to say things like 'oh poor you that sounds a nightmare! Poor you I'd hate to pay that much tax! Poor you having to buy your kids entertainment! Poor you having to rattle about in a massive house! Go all earth mummy when she's bragging about how Much money she has tell her you and the kids went foraging for organic fruit and are planning to go zero waste as its so disgusting how much people buy to try and be happy etc

She's jealous or envious of you - competitive people have The most insecurities ....

I bet her husband is shit in bed...haha

I'd just walk away from her mid sentence......she sounds like a neurotic insecure nightmare!

Are you American Mysteries?

Add to her insecurity by saying "no wonder you look so tired and emotional" it's what politicians say about each other before they stab each other in the back

'You must be so proud' is my bland response to these kind of stealth boasts - let them make of it what they will.

'We don't really talk about money' - and change subject.

'Tired and emotional' is politician talk for drunk.

Can you find someone else to talk to before she heads your way?

I would say ' it sounds like u have plenty of money but are u happy? Really happy?'
Or 'oh since u sound like u have enough cash I could get u to sponsor a number of charities I'm interested in?' X

Jane yes its when they make them read a load of old bollocks!

Or get her on to the subject of not earning her own money and how she feels living off her husband's money?

Actually I prefer the answer above - we don't really talk about money. It's true. Most of us don't at the school gates or in most situations as it's not the done thing in England. Americans might ask people what they earn on first meeting but the English don't. Is she foreign?

Be brave. Tackle her with honesty.

" my house will be one of those crap ones under a million" with a big grin.
Tinkly laugh " Crikey we earn nothing like that" looking pleased and grateful you haven't ended up a bore like her.
" I can't tell you how much my husbands earns because that's vulgar. Don't want to make people feel uncomfortable do we" with a cheery smile.

She'll go off you if she isn't getting to you.

Or ask her which of her or her husband earns the most and if she say him ask her why that is so.

storm I live in Suffolk and this sounds JUST like someone I know!

How much does your husband earn? Is she kidding? She sounds like a needy, insecure attention-seeker.

Two options:

First - if you think that she is lonely and just a bit cack-handed. "Look I don't want to be rude but could you please stop talking about money, because it's very tiring and I really am not interested. Why don't we talk about instead?"

Second - if you think that it's just an excuse to stealth boast. Go into the playground wearing some ear buds - if you want you can just tuck the end into a pocket so they don't have to be connected to anything. When she comes over and starts talking, remove one ear bud and hold it next to your ear. Ask her to repeat what she said. If it's anything money-related then say "Oh are you still going on about your house/H's bonus etc? How tedious." Then put the ear bud back in and walk off.