To want to tell this Ridiculous competitive parent to shut the hell up

[Choccybadger]

There is a parent at my childrens' school who winds me up so much I am struggling not to explode in an undignified manner.
I have tried to keep my distance at the gates, in playground etc but she always makes a beeline for me.
She knows we have been house hunting for a while as it comes up sometimes and my kids tell their friends what they did at the w/end.
Most of our conversations go like this.
Her: have you found a house yet?
Me: no, not what we're looking for just yet.
Her: our house is on the market too. We've been offered £xx for it but not sure whether to take it as think it's worth more. Our house is so amazing you know.
Me: lovely. Hope you find something.
Her: we've decided to wait til next year as my partner will move up so so much in salary and bonus and will be able to buy a £1m house just with his bonus. It's just so much easier to find something decent over the £1m. Everything else is a bit shit

Me: great.
Her: yeah, we will just have SO much money. You know, we've just bought the £70k car, having a £15k holiday because we know how much money we will have. It's embarrassing. What's your budget? How much does your husband earn?

Now, we don't do too badly but I feel very uncomfortable talking about money like this with someone I barely know. I find it quite rude to keep talking about it and also to suggest that anything anyone buys for less than £1m is crap. That's not the case. We don't live in London and our part of the world doesn't have the highest prices.

It doesn't stop there. Literally every time shd speaks to me she tells me how gifted her children are and she's been told they are "amazing" at something or other. The way she puts it sounds as though she is putting my kids down, my youngest in particular.
I get the impression it's personal, that she's not like this with other mums.
How can I politely but firmly tell her I just don't care and actually find it rude, uncomfortable and belittling as well as hating the barbed comments about my kids in relation to hers?

I've known several people like this in my time.

First was a school friend very into oneupmanship and would lie constantly about things her parents were buying, places they were going. Now I'm an adult, I can see that her parents didn't have a lot of money and I feel bad for her that she felt the need to do this.

My exSIL was very materialistic and her self worth was entirely based on how much she perceived herself to have in comparison to her social group. Her dad had quite a good job, not millionaires by any standard but they were comfortable. She lived vicariously through his 'wealth' and showed off a lot about what he had and consequently what he would give her and her DC. At one time, her dad and step mum were looking at separating and she told us that she'd pleaded with her step mum not to divorce him as it would eat into her inheritance . She seemed completely oblivious that nobody was impressed at all by these things and it just made her look like a nob. She particularly had it in for me for some reason and was utterly vie to me. I'm now divorced from XH and NC with his family thankfully.

There's also a mum like this at school, competitive and money obsessed and believes she's better than other people. She's also really in love with herself, once told a mutual friend that once she had her invisiline braces out, she would be 'perfect'. She's very much into keeping up appearances, sickly sweet tone of uber mother with her DC, countless holidays, brand new Audi Q7. I happen to know that her husband is a dodgy fucker with several failed businesses behind him, is a bit of a wanker to her, and as she hasn't ever worked, once his dodgy business (think illegal) practices come to light, her entire life will come crashing down around her. I also have a sneaking suspicion that her life is mostly paid for with credit.

I've posted about it before on here quite recently under a NC but my BF is a competitive parent which I find hard to stomach, although he has loads of redeeming qualities so I take it on the chin. It's hard though.

I did a course agrs ago that looked at cultural influences etc. and it made me realise how materialistic we are in the west. The first thing people want to know about us or that we tell others is the job we do, I believe to give some indication of where we are in the 'pecking' order, perhaps even justifying our choices like being a SAHP by qualifying it. Since then I try hard to check out of that element of our culture. Whilst it's easy to look at those who have more than us, we make ourselves miserable by not appreciating that we have so much more than the vast majority of other humans. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's really liberating to stop feeling the pressure to be defined by the things we have. I don't think it's a coincidence that people who tend to be like this are deep down, suffering from inferiority.

I'm a sahm and don't feel I need to live through my dcs achievements! Please don't stereotype! It's just a type of person, my pushy mum worked full time! She told me ds1 wasn't clever enough to learn an instrument in y2. She was shocked when her talented dd was going for the same grade as ds1 in piano when he was doing it in violin! I feel sorry for these kids as it's such a pressure to hold your mum's happiness in your achievements.

Just thinking which member of my family you've obviously bumped into, haven't spoken to them in a while. The only way to deal with them is either smile and nod, while thinking about other things that make you happy, or just totally blanking and avoiding. I do the latter and I'm much happier as a result.

I agree 100% with yoda.

I have a "friend" like this, and I humour her as I feel sorry for her, she IS insecure.

Another mum at the schoolgates is like this and I disliked her too much to humour her so I avoided her instead.

Don't rise to the bait or try to put her down. She is down already, poor thing.

"Oh, gosh, it's so passé to talk about ones income and expenditure"

She must be so nouveau riche

There were a couple of mins like this in my DDs year in primary school. No conversation was complete without name dropping of big designer brands, details of the itinerary of their next holiday or the cost of the new mega kitchen, orangery etc.

In the same year group there were a couple of really wealthy, local landed gentry families. Not that it was ever mentioned but if you knew the area you knew the names. Hilariously, the braggers never cottoned onto this and were quite condescending to the low key posh mums. In fact one bragger was quite openly rude about the knackered Volvo and admittedly rather scruffy jodhpurs and jumpers uniform of one of the posh mums.

This all came to halt in year 1 when posh mum with the knackered Volvo invited the whole year group to poshchild's party. It was held at home, in a bell tent on the lawn of their stately home. Parents were invited to stay, with their own hell tent, champagne and canapés on tap. It was a lovely party with the finale being a treasure hunt through the grounds to find the birthday cake in a proper stone turreted folly!

There was a lot less bragging about hot tubs and Jimmy Choos after that!

It is rude to ask how much money you have. She may have dish but she has no class.

I think you have to be like Pamela in Gavin & Stacey, a bit mumsy and concerned but basically going for the jugular. When Stacey is prattling on about having had her first brunch, Pam says something like:

"I'm not being funny but you want to get a life. What you said just now was really boring. I mean I can jabber with the best of them but that, I switched off at the end of banana"

Otherwise some brilliant suggestions here. I especially like the "Can I just stop you there" and walking off and the idea of boring her rigid by talking about bees for hours!

Can you ask for a donation to your charity of choice every single time she mentions money, go on about all the starving children/ poorly donkeys or whatever?

I would glance down at her, and say "shame money doesent buy class", and walk off.

Dolby brilliant - I'm "borrowing" this

Can you sign up to forever living for the sole purpose of trying to recruit her every time she tries to talk to you?

Sorry, Dilby

Loving 'elevenerife'.

I know someone like this too. Always bragging, always had to have the better car/house/clothes etc. Bit sad really.

In reply to Basic, I'm not telling the OP to hide away.

Just makes me laugh all these posters telling OP to say this, that and the other insult. I wonder how many of them would actually deal with things this way in real life.

No matter how much of a dick I thought another mum was, I'd prefer to avoid rather than be nasty.

I would not even give her eye contact, I can't stand this type of person and don't tend to give them the time of day. I also struggle with "know it alls" and avoid them like the plague. At least she is not a family member so you can avoid her. I do like the suggestion about asking to lend some money from her, she will soon make a sharp exit, but will probably bad mouth you to all and sundry. I suppose it takes all types, but she does sound painful.

Ask her how much she would like to contribute to the IGMMTY foundation

Some of the suggested replies are nearly as unpleasant as the woman.

I ve never met anyone who would brag in such a crass way. Surely the art of bragging would be to drop stuff in the conversation as if you've barely noticed you mentioned it.

No one brags like that unless they are deep,y insecure.
I would say 'god I'm sorry but I don't talk about money. I've never told my mother how much my house cost or what I earn so I'm not telling someone on the school run. It's a very odd thing for me. Anyway would you like detail of the schools prayer meetings or the PTA. We always need people to help out'

Yes Sissy. I agree.

I have told someone who asked repeated questions about our finances that I just don't talk about things. But the stuff people claim they should/would say? Nah.

Totally agree there are some horrible replies here, Pag.

Some of them are good, though! I also like Ask her how much she would like to contribute to the IGMMTY foundation "Shall I put you down for ten thousand, now you're going to be so rich?"

Her conversation reeks of desperation and insecurity. Pity her.
Next time she asks about what your husband earns etc, just tell her you find it very distasteful to talk about personal finances and leave it at that.

You could just say "That's nice" in the manner of Mrs Brown

I agree that you shouldn't try to find 'clever' ways to put her down, she's down enough already. She has to be, to carry on like that. She probably has no friends, or she wouldn't be trying so desperately with you.

I went to the home of a woman at playgroup and about 20 minutes in she got her guitar out and started singing hymns.

I really hadn't been bragging.