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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to tell this Ridiculous competitive parent to shut the hell up

227 replies

Choccybadger · 28/05/2016 00:43

There is a parent at my childrens' school who winds me up so much I am struggling not to explode in an undignified manner.
I have tried to keep my distance at the gates, in playground etc but she always makes a beeline for me.
She knows we have been house hunting for a while as it comes up sometimes and my kids tell their friends what they did at the w/end.
Most of our conversations go like this.
Her: have you found a house yet?
Me: no, not what we're looking for just yet.
Her: our house is on the market too. We've been offered £xx for it but not sure whether to take it as think it's worth more. Our house is so amazing you know.
Me: lovely. Hope you find something.
Her: we've decided to wait til next year as my partner will move up so so much in salary and bonus and will be able to buy a £1m house just with his bonus. It's just so much easier to find something decent over the £1m. Everything else is a bit shit

Me: great.
Her: yeah, we will just have SO much money. You know, we've just bought the £70k car, having a £15k holiday because we know how much money we will have. It's embarrassing. What's your budget? How much does your husband earn?

Now, we don't do too badly but I feel very uncomfortable talking about money like this with someone I barely know. I find it quite rude to keep talking about it and also to suggest that anything anyone buys for less than £1m is crap. That's not the case. We don't live in London and our part of the world doesn't have the highest prices.

It doesn't stop there. Literally every time shd speaks to me she tells me how gifted her children are and she's been told they are "amazing" at something or other. The way she puts it sounds as though she is putting my kids down, my youngest in particular.
I get the impression it's personal, that she's not like this with other mums.
How can I politely but firmly tell her I just don't care and actually find it rude, uncomfortable and belittling as well as hating the barbed comments about my kids in relation to hers?

OP posts:
gingergenie · 28/05/2016 02:59
Hmm
Atenco · 28/05/2016 03:54

Obviously that is why she married an investment wanker

GarlicSteak · 28/05/2016 04:57

I would definitely go with Password or TradGirl. In fact, the two can be effortlessly combined.

"Weren't you ever told it's terribly uncouth to discuss money? I don't want to embarrass you but it really isn't normal. I'm just letting you know in case you have some social difficulties that we're not aware of." Head tilt, concerned smile, walk away. Flicking the finger.

I saw a programme quite recently about bankers' wives. It looked like hell. The pecking orders, competition, backstabbing and personal grooming requirements were grim. I guess you could capitalise on this (if you're very well groomed!) by repeating "A million?" with a tinkly, dismissive laugh, and doing the same with the damn holidays, cars and over-gifted children. But that would make you a passive-aggressive bitch. And she might then decide you have lots in common! Eek!

Chottie · 28/05/2016 04:59

Actually, these conversations say a lot about her - why does she feel the need to impress you with her money, her home and her children's accomplishments?

I'd just nod, smile and drift away in a disinterested sort of way. Why are you giving this woman so much headspace?

Marzipants · 28/05/2016 05:04

Ooh, do what WindPowerRanger suggests if you can. Makes me feel awkward just thinking about it. Grin

GarlicSteak · 28/05/2016 05:06

why does she feel the need to impress you with her money, her home and her children's accomplishments?

I suspect choccy's richer, posher, better connected or better looking. Possibly all four - and she certainly has better manners!

Justsaynonow · 28/05/2016 06:24

If you aren't quite up to the up front confrontation, wear headphones. Do an exaggerated hmmm? as you lift away from 1 ear (study a teenager doing this for the perfect attitude :-)

Listening, even with nothing other than an occasional comment, is still using too much of your brain time. I can still remember details from years ago monologues from this type of person - for some reason that crap sticks longer than anything actually worth remembering, at least in my head. Plus it wears me out at the time, and I need all my energy.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 28/05/2016 06:28

Those aren't the actual words she says are they? Hmm

I think you might have a bit of a persecution/inferiority complex.

What does she actually say? Because the first few words you quote each time sound more or less like the truth, and then the "because we have so much money" is just you embellishing, right?

abbieanders · 28/05/2016 06:47

Ooooh, OP, I think you should be a bit condescending and then tell her she's much poorer than you akshully and then be a bit mean and tell her she's quite rude and then tell her she really doesn't know how the best people behave and then totally drive a hummer at her.

She won't bother you again.

hazeyjane · 28/05/2016 06:55

Ask her if she can lend you a few grand, she'll avoid you like a dose of swine flu.

HoggleHoggle · 28/05/2016 06:59

It's insecurity. I know someone like this - and she really does say things somewhat along these lines, so I can believe it - and I've been wondering for ages how the hell she could be so...well, awful. But it's insecurity. Did your 'friend' always have lots of money or is it a relatively new thing? She will be overcompensating for something.

Once I believe someone is acting like a twat out of insecurity I get less annoyed about the whole thing and really, just feel a bit sorry for them. I'd just smile and nod if I was you. Don't get into any discussions about it and hopefully she'll just bugger off soon.

Snog · 28/05/2016 07:07

Ask her if she finds it difficult being married to a banker with all the social backlash

AyeAmarok · 28/05/2016 07:10

I don't think I have ever met someone like this. Sheltered life?

CoraPirbright · 28/05/2016 07:16

Yuck yuck yuck! Its appallingly vulgar to talk about money like that. She sounds terribly insecure.

Could you channel your iciest Maggie Smith and quote the Dowager "oh goody! Let's talk about money" followed by a Hmm face?

Or tilt your head and say "Oh, did you grown up very poor then?" and when she looks amazed and says 'no, why?' then say "Oh I am sorry - its just the way you constantly talk about money gives the impression that its all new to you". Obviously that is seriously bitchy but she just sounds awful and I note that it is only you she does this to.

As for the children thing, I always go absolutely the other way with people like this and play down my children. It leaves them totally non-plussed!

VocationalGoat · 28/05/2016 07:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeppaIsMyHero · 28/05/2016 07:23

Loving the Maggie Smith approach. Grin

BalloonSlayer · 28/05/2016 07:24

Channel the Queen and say "How lovely for you!" and turn away. (I think the Queen says "How amusing for you" when someone says something she finds v v unfunny)

Ledkr · 28/05/2016 07:33

Can you have a little chuckle to yourself but so she can see, and say something like "oh right" with a distant smile as if you are thinking how predictable she is.

dangerrabbit · 28/05/2016 07:49

I am loving some of these replies! How creative and original. Personally I might go with boring her into finding a new victim. Can you repeat the same stock phrases to everything she says, either "oh really?" Or "congratulations."

darceybussell · 28/05/2016 08:05

OP it sounds like you are the Joneses and she is trying to keep up with you - congratulations you've made it!

youarenotkiddingme · 28/05/2016 08:06

I love replying with "fantastic" with people like this.

"How's the house hunting?" Fantastic
"We are waiting to buy a 1m house" fantastic
"My child is so talented at X" fantastic
"We've been offered x for our house" fantastic.

You have to have a faux smile and head tilt with the right kind of pretend interest but with obvious sarcasm and boredom added in.

SouperSal · 28/05/2016 08:11

Ooh. She obviously didn't watch "Capital" on the BBC earlier this year.........

SouthWestmom · 28/05/2016 08:12

Say, all cheerful, "let's hope he doesn't find a younger model, eh? Tick tock!"

Heyheyheygoodbye · 28/05/2016 08:35

I've got a friend a bit like this. He is otherwise incredibly lovely but I do find all the money talk a bit grating. Recently we were talking about schools (neither of us has kids yet) and he was adamant he would send his kids to private even though there is an outstanding state school very close. His choice of course, but when I made some joke about 'just because it's more expensive doesn't mean it's better' he said 'yes it does' and stared at me like I had grown another head Grin

He doesn't mean to be annoying and maybe this mum doesn't either. She probably thinks it's something you have in common OR she thinks it is impressing you. Avoid her or change the subject to charitable giving every time she starts.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/05/2016 08:35

There's nearly always one like this - they must be pathetically insecure if they have to brag about money like that. If she asks outright about salary again just say, 'Quite enough, thank you,' with a smile. Don't let her see that she's winding you up - easier said than done I know, , esp. when you probably want to put on a Lady Bracknell sort of voice and say frostily, 'In my family it has always been considered UNSPEAKABLY vulgar to talk about money.'