AIBU to think that homeless people should be grateful if somebody gives them food

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So I'm feeling a bit upset. I got out of the tube station a saw a homeless man sitting on the floor. He was in a bad shape so I decided to get him some food (firstly, I don't like giving money and secondly I didn't have any change). I went out of my way to get him food and drink and cake from sainsburys. I gave it to him and he said 'I don't want it, I want money'. I said 'I don't have any money but I'm giving you food and drink'. He said 'If you give me money I can buy food myself'. 'But I'm giving you food'. 'I don't want it, give me some money.'
So I walked off. I wanted to do something nice and he threw it in my face.
I know homeless issues are very complex but still AIBU to think that he should accepted what I was giving him. Or should I only ever give money (which I don't like doing)?

Bobby2013 - thanks for your lovely and constructive response!

Nobody's being nasty to the OP, who has already said she might rethink her approach.

But what's the point of 'slinging them a sandwich if you feel like it' on the assumption that they can throw it away if they don't like it? That's a waste of your time and money, apart from anything else!

All I think anyone is saying is, it is sensible to say 'do you want something to eat?' and 'ok sure, what filling shall I get?' if the answer is 'yes please'. That's just treating someone like a human, as well as, pragmatically, not wasting your own time and cash.

Although personally I do and will give money, and leave it to them how they choose to spend it, if you're happier to give food you may as well at least check it's wanted.

I can't believe the posters insisting it is the begger's perogative to spend someone else's hard earned cash on their next fix if that's what they choose to do

But once you've given something, you've given it. It's not your hard earned cash any more. If you don't give it: fine.

The most sensible comment on here posted earlier was about the fact that many homeless people have mental health problems.

People need to think about the many reasons a person who is sleeping rough could have for being rude or not behaving in a socially appropriate way.

Good post BreadandWine. I just checked and the casserole club aren't in my area yet but I'm going to see if there's anything similar around here.

How many of the people saying the OP should give money would give money to a friend or family member to buy drugs? Because let's face it, the majority of beggars on the street are either drug addicts looking for cash for their next hit, or con artists earning a living.

Some of the drug addicts are genuinely grateful for food and hot drinks bought for them, but if you give them money they are not going to voluntarily spend it on food because their drug habit is more important.

That doesn't mean that many homeless on the streets don't have MH issues and don't deserve sympathy, but equally we shouldn't be enabling their addictions by giving them money.

You're not preserving the dignity of a homeless person by giving them money any more than by giving them food. By giving them money you could possibly be paying for the next line of Coke which sees them dead on the streets tomorrow. Not to mention funding a trade which is linked to all manner of criminal activity.

The man was entitled to say that he didn't want food, but he was offered food, he shouldn't have then carried on by asking for money.

The OP tried to do a kind thing. She wasn't the one in the wrong here.

Yes, I think it's a bit of an ask hoping that a homeless person is going to be polite and well mannered. In all likelihood they wouldn't be homeless if they didn't have a range of problems. There is a lot of help out there and anyone who has found themselves down on their luck due to circumstances is able to turn themselves around - if they are capable of it . Someone slumped in a doorway in a main thoroughfare wants money and wants money for drink and/or drugs. To try to make out otherwise is disingenuous and insulting to the intelligence of all.

The homeless person could not help their rudeness because they were most likely an addict. But the OP was certainly not at fault for not giving money. As I repeat, you do not have to enable an addiction because it is their right .

I live in the north east and I think we have less of a homeless problem than in the south. Homeless Charities and the police here are constantly asking the public NOT to give money to "beggars" but to offer them a hot drink and/or donate to charities or food banks direct. Research has shown that the majority of people "on the streets" here are not, in fact, homeless and are in fact professional beggars, often working in teams. representatives from local hostels regularly go out in the city during the night and offer a bed to anyone who is out there. There are very, very people sleeping rough as compared with the number on the streets during the day.

Bit of a cross post there, wannabe!

I work in a homeless hostel. Homelessness is a complex issue and this sort of topic riles me. Saying that, it is not advisable to give a homeless person money and we wouldn't encourage anyone to. In the long run it doesn't help them.

The best thing to do is contact a homeless charity if you see someone sleeping rough. We're better equipped to help them, the one I work at for example organises food parcels etc and they need support with their mental needs. Many of these people feel completely worthless and sometimes it's difficult to get through. They're not necessarily just being rude or ungrateful.

I think the majority of beggars on the streets everywhere are not homeless but professionals. In London there are train and tube surfers who get on the train or the underground at one stop and go through the carriages asking for money to pay for a bed for the night then get off at the next stop to get on the next train until they reach the end of the line then they go back. The British transport police will move them on if they're picked up on CCTV or reported, and the public are very much not encouraged to give them money.

I think it was a kind gesture. I too would not have considered particular tastes or dietary requirements had I done the same but would have bought something fairly mainstream like a cheese sandwich.

Isn't it better to try and make a kind gesture than to look the other way?

" As I repeat, you do not have to enable an addiction because it is their right ."

I completely agree it isn't their right to demand money for drink and drugs- but equally, there's no sense in getting annoyed with someone who was sat there minding their own business for not being grateful for chucked a sandwich they didn't ask for and don't want, because if they'd be given a choice they'd rather have had a can of Special Brew.

It's just the way it is.

I don't understand some of these responses at all. If you are homeless you generally have very little, if any, money to live off. Food is a primary need. Even if the homeless person was not hungry at that point in time, how could he have turned down the food for later? I wouldn't have thought homeless people get several people a day offering them food - or maybe I am wrong?

He was also definitely rude as you could have walked straight past.

I recall being approached for money by a young woman pushing a push chair. I offered her the bag of groceries I had just bought (not much but some food and toiletries).She told me to fuck off. 20 years ago. Poor woman. Poor kid.

In most European countries with half decent welfare systems, homelessness is more complex than lack of money. As pointed out by people who work with homeless people on this thread.

He was rude. End of. The Pc nature of some of these replies is astonishing.

Yes, the man was rude. But to be honest, I can be quite snappy if I have a headache, or the post is late. If I was cold, possibly hungry, probably a bit smelly, had mental health issues, knew that I was considered the very lowest of the low by most of society and someone tried to give me a sandwich just at the time I was trying to work out how to not get robbed/raped/murdered that night, then I might also be rude.

That wouldn't make my rudeness okay and it certainly wouldn't make the person with the sandwich wrong, but I think it might be understandable. People under stress tend not to have the best manners and I can't think of anything more stressful than being homeless.

Quite a lot of them in London have homes to go to and go out each day from their home pretending to be homeless. Just be careful before giving money.

The first and only time I've offered to buy a homeless person food he was incredibly cheeky. I had expected a sandwich and a drink but he asked for the bumper pack of three, two bottles of Lucozade, crisps, a chocolate bar and also asked if I could buy him fags. I don't bother now.

I used to work in a shop at the bottom of a block of flats, there were a few "homeless" men who lived in the flats, they used to go begging and bring the change to me to change it up into notes for them. They used to make an awful lot of money. I'm afraid it's all rather clouded my opinion of beggars

So you've had a distasteful experience with a few (or even just one!) members of an extremely diverse population about which you understand nearly nothing, and use that to justify a complete lack of generosity forevermore? That makes no sense. More likely you are simply stingy, but you know deep down you know that's not a very nice character trait, so you rely on these fictions so you can look yourself in the mirror. That's fine if you can fool yourself but I hope you don't say these things to your friends because nobody else would buy it.

When I see someone obviously in need, it doesn't matter whether they fit into my definition of "deserving." I accept (and am so thankful) that I could never understand what that person has gone through. I just know that this person's best option in life is to be without comfort, cleanliness, or dignity. If I can offer a small amount of respite from that, in whatever form that might take, I do. If you choose not to, or if you choose to limit your aid to things that meet your personal approval, that's your business.

I don't fault OP for how she approached the man she encountered, but I do fault her for being offended at his response. You just can't fathom what another person's mental or physical health or life experiences might be. Unless you walk a mile in their shoes it's simply ignorant to judge their behavior. As other posters have said, the reason for giving should not be in exchange for some display of beggarly gratitude.

Yes, he was rude. And?

The more complex explanations go to explain to the OP why she shouldn't take it personally. And why she didn't get the reaction she expected.

It's not being PC, it's just being human and trying to understand why some people behave like they do.
And some pps suggesting how to approach homeless people.

Wannabe what do you think addicts who can't get drug money do?

To the posters saying maybe he wasn't hungry... Surely he would just save the food until later in the day till when he was hungry.

If your homeless and hungry. Nutrition is nutrition.

Recently (in another country) I offered food to a beggar. He said "Thank you, but I already have some food" and opened his bag to show me.

It really made me stop and think. In my mind I suppose I had the unconscious idea that yes, he was entitled to food, but somehow nothing else.

There's a guy who lives on my aunts road in a council flat who begs near my work every day. He has a home. Not all are genuine - bs careful and find safer ways to give.