AIBU to think that homeless people should be grateful if somebody gives them food

[summeriscoming]

So I'm feeling a bit upset. I got out of the tube station a saw a homeless man sitting on the floor. He was in a bad shape so I decided to get him some food (firstly, I don't like giving money and secondly I didn't have any change). I went out of my way to get him food and drink and cake from sainsburys. I gave it to him and he said 'I don't want it, I want money'. I said 'I don't have any money but I'm giving you food and drink'. He said 'If you give me money I can buy food myself'. 'But I'm giving you food'. 'I don't want it, give me some money.'
So I walked off. I wanted to do something nice and he threw it in my face.
I know homeless issues are very complex but still AIBU to think that he should accepted what I was giving him. Or should I only ever give money (which I don't like doing)?

OP, Next time, take a pad and pen with you. Then you can ask the homeless person for his preferred order, write it down, trot off and get it for him and deliver it back

Or just ask. Its not difficult. (Or "hard work") If you are going to take the time out to get them something then why on earth wouldnt you make it something they can/will use?

A birthday gift to someone who isnt homeless is in no way comparable.

And yeah, i do ask if there is anything people would like for their birthday before buying. Thats not hard work either.

No it's not hard work to ask someone what they would like for their Birthday. That's not what I'm getting at. I'm just saying IF you didn't, and decided to choose something yourself and they gave you that response, I would find that rude and grateful.

Sorry, UNgrateful

And like i said, its not a comparable situation.

I appreciate that MrsSpecter, but in my head it IS. We're not going to agree on this, but I do take your points on board

Conparable only in that something is being given by one person to Another. The contexts are entirely different and that is what makes them not comparable. Not for the purposes of the point you were trying to make.

The comments about the man being a person are true, but shouldn't all people be polite? A simple "no thanks but if you have spare change that would be useful" would have been fine. He was rude, op wasn't setting out to be rude and many others would have appreciated the gesture of goodwill!

I was trying to offer an olive branch but if you're going to be patronising then why am I bothering? I've said we are not going to agree, whatever you say is not going to change my mind. I'm just stating my point of view along with other PPs.

No need for olive branch, we havent fallen out, this is a discussion. I'm addressing your comments. If you dont wish for people to do that, dont post on a public forum.

Ok fair enough, I may have been a little over sensitive. I'm fine having a debate. I do admittedly sometimes find it hard to read the tone of messages, instead of face to face discussions, if that makes sense?
Think I'll get myself back to chat instead of AIBU!

Probably safer in chat i struggle with tone too, so tend to give benefit of the doubt unless its very obvious what was meant.

Many homeless people don't have many teeth because of drug and alcohol abuse - which makes it difficult to eat.

And many, many of them have severe mental health difficulties, which makes 'normal' interaction more difficult.

If you want to help, give your money to a reputable homelessness charity.

YABU. You were behaving like a lady bountiful handing out food with no regard as to whether he wanted it or liked it.

I do give money if someone looks in especially bad circumstances or if they have an animal. It's not for me to dictate what they spend it on. The only time I would give food is if I were going to somewhere like Pret a Manger and noticed someone begging. Then I might buy a brownie or similar to give along with money.

Twattish comments on this thread... 'lady bountiful'? Absolutely no need for that at all.

I'm not a waitress. I see people with signs saying 'Hungry' and I don't intend to humiliate them by asking for their order and enquiring about allergies. I don't know anybody who does that either. I buy the food and offer it. I've never had it refused. Who knows? If the person I buy it for doesn't want it, they are able to give it themselves to somebody else who needs it. How many people in that situation are able to do that?

There's just no need for the abhorrent comment on this thread criticising the OP. Probably from testy posters who don't actually do anything themselves but so, so live for pulling other people up on anything they do that misses the mark in their narrow minds. Pathetic.

Lesson learned. Walk on by. Give to a homeless charity instead.

Twattish comments on this thread
There's just no need for the abhorrent comment on this thread criticising the OP. Probably from testy posters who don't actually do anything themselves but so, so live for pulling other people up on anything they do that misses the mark in their narrow minds. Pathetic.

OP complained she went out of her way and he was ungrateful, and asked if she was unreasonable. some people think she is. We are permitted to have that opinion.
If you have one slightly negative experience, wig out and tar everyone with the same brush as a result then yes you probably should walk on by.

Think what you like but don't insult the OP by calling her 'lady bountiful' or other derogatory and pointed terms because you don't feel that she did the right thing.

Go and spread your misery somewhere that needs it because somebody doing something for another person really isn't deserving of vitriol, however ham-fisted or gauche you think they might have been.

Ha... and that's even assuming that I actually believe the sanctimonious harbingers on this thread... I really don't.

The only person spreading misery is OP. Hew very dare he turn her down.

Perhaps I'll keep an eye out for your posts Elsie. If you ever post a rant, a vent or just a thought that's a bit left-of-centre because you've had a bad day (as many of us do), I'll remind you of your posts on this thread.

I wouldn't have been disappointed in OP's situation, would have shrugged it off, but I'm not the OP and she felt how she felt. She hasn't deserved the jeering nor the spiteful comments that she's had from some.

There are an awful lot of sheep on MN these days, being ridden around the boards by trolls.

I don't intend to humiliate them by asking for their order and enquiring about allergies

Why would you even do that? Why Are people pretending it involves anything more than "can i get you something to eat?"

The OP was outraged her act wasn't given the thanks she expected and she thinks she deserved. Plenty of posters have pointed out her act could be considered patronising. I agree with the poster who made the comment below.

Part of homelessness is depersonalising people - giving people back the choices they're entitled to, no matter how teeny and pathetic, is giving them back the humanity we all take for granted in our lives every day

And fwiw i dont actually think it was wrong to just buy him food without checking if he wanted food. Where she went wrong was standing arguing with him over it when he said he didnt want it and then sulking on here about how ungrateful he was.

I already said that I wouldn't have done what the OP did or felt as she did. I'm saying that she hasn't deserved the spiteful piling in that is very obvious on this thread.

She vented/ranted/whatever on here, thinking that she could. I'm sure she's realised her mistake by now.

I didnt say anything about you lying i was saying what my specific issue with the OP's behaviour was and why I think she was rude. I have no idea why others feel how they do about what she did. We arent one voice.

What i noticed in my city, homeless are often loaded with food. Charities and well-meaning people give them bags full of stuff. Before i give anything i first check.