Baby crying aggressive neighbours

[didntexpecthis]

I live in a block of flats. Next door neighbours are a family with 3 children, ages ranging between 6 and 16.

I have a 4 month old who until recently was a very placid baby. Relatively little crying (compared to older sibling at the same age), slept through the night etc.
Recently though the crying has increased. Especially first thing in the morning (6am) when he wakes and intermittently during the day.

NDN's 16 year old has been yelling FFS in the morning when DS starts crying and today, I had a knock on the door from NDN. He was very aggresive and told me that if I didn't shut the baby up to expect a call from SS.

I was really shaken up and am scared although DP says to just ignore it.

AIBU?

cranky I didn't at any stage suggest that OP was doing anything wrong in the sense of looking after the baby. I suggested things she might try which were apparently so obvious that it was impertinent of me to suggest them, even though all the OP had said was that she didn't feed the baby and that he wouldn't settle. Subsequently we've found out she's doing all the very obvious things I suggested (apart from feeding) but she hadn't said so at that stage. The outraged mothers of persistent cryers have merely turned this around to say I told OP she was a bad mother! I do think she's an inconsiderate neighbour and I wonder whether the bad temper from next door has started only since the baby arrived but that's a completely separate point.

Goodbye - "I may be an idiot" I'm glad we agree on something.

So you suggest OP moves the already upset baby in to an unfamiliar environment that they're not used to being in at that time of day?
Those 8 kids haven't taught you much have they lol.

Oh and you think calling a mum who is shaken up and stressed and who wants to do what is best for their baby self righteous is not ill mannered? No Goodbye you're right, not ill mannered at all are you! You're a charmer!

"Just that my skills increased with time"

Goodbye - I'm really hoping you are a troll. Please live up to your name and disappear of this poor woman's thread!

Re teething, my DS was born in early August was was teething like a demon by Christmas - my sister did an emergency dash to an out of hours chemist in her city on Boxing Day and brought over everything they could sell her for teething as we'd had terrible trouble with his teeth, so it is possible that he's teething this early on.

Hopefully this was a father being stressed because his 16 year old was stressed at him, and reacting badly, and so was a one-off.

I can't believe people like Goodbye exist. It must be so strange to want to be so unpleasant and unhelpful. Have noticed it on a fair few threads recently. Thank goodness most people in RL seem far kinder. OP, babies cry, you're doing your best unlike your judgemental neighbour.

Of course I knew a lot more my the time I had my last baby that's bound to happen and I was attempting to help, but that doesn't seem to have happened? C'est la guerre. I'm not too worried and this is AIBU after all so I think speaking up on behalf of the teenage neighbour is ok.

Yes absolutely I would move a four month old in a moses basket to the lounge if it was disturbing a neighbour and especially if it was at a difficult time for the neighbour in question (exam season). But then I don't regard my DCs' 'right to cry' being more important than an existing neighbour's right to a modicum of peace early in the morning. Babies are extremely adaptable particularly early on (my first two had to be because they were travelling a lot) and the baby wouldn't give two hoots if it was looking at a different colour paint at 6am in the morning. Obviously on this I'm completely out of kilter with the rest of you which I completely accept but I am surprised at how entrenched your belief in your 'right' to disturb neighbours is I must say.

OP, I would be so upset if my neighbours did this. It's totally unacceptable and I'm not surprised you feel shaken up. We have 8yr old twins. One of them cries as much as any baby... She's highly emotional and gets very vocal. I'm sure we are disturbing to neighbours, but that's life in flats! I have made a decision not to get stressed about the neighbours as I have enough already. I used to panic about them crying and shouting as babies/toddlers, but realise now that it is a worry I should have tried to put aside as there was nothing more I could do.

I'm sure your neighbours aren't silent... You can hear them swearing (ffs) through the wall! They should get earplugs and some empathy.

by the time etc. not my the time.

Goodbye - no one cares what your babies were like and how adaptable they were, this might surprise you, take a seat before you read this, but babies are DIFFERENT and not all like your DC's.

For example, my DD was very aware of her surroundings from a young age (younger than 4 months) and if I had 'plonked' her as you so gently described it, into the living room first thing in the morning when she wasn't used to it, she would have probably screamed bloody murder and still disturbed the neighbours from a few metres away.

It shocks me how many mums on here genuinely believe babies are the same "well MY baby never did that so something is wrong with YOUR baby" oh shut up.

HummyMummy72 obviously all babies are different, to a degree, but their basic needs are the same. Why don't you read what I've said rather than simply being rude and childish. In fact I've barely mentioned my own DC (as opposed to the posters with their own long personal accounts). I also only mentioned the number I had when one silly poster said I didn't have any or I'd know how awful being a mother was or something like that. I do seem to be quite good at calming babies generally though, not just mine, and I got much better at it when I listened to the midwife who'd had a few herself and was very matter of fact about it all instead of coming at me with tales of woe and how nothing would help. Obviously it's very, very tough when a baby is teething or ill but it's not rocket science beyond that. You just need to find out what it is they want and then accommodate them. There'll always be something. Anyone who goes in for 'controlled crying' or whatever it's called probably deserves what they get - babies should get what they need in my view.

goodbye, I was number 7 of 11 children. My mother could not do anything to stop me crying (she wanted to fling me to the moon, she's told me). Having a lot of children does not make it any easier to stop a baby crying. Luckily, we grew up in a detached house so had no problem with neighbours.

What I am trying to say is that experience does not necessarily help when it comes to a crying baby. Some do just cry no matter what you do - I was one of them!!!!

I do agree with you re: Controlled crying, that's just cruel.

I've read everything you've said and 95% has been rubbish. I think YOU need to read back on all your posts before you start saying others are rude.

The difference between you and all the other posters who give their 'long personal accounts' and 'tales of woe'..sorry who's the rude one, remind me? Anyway. The difference is, they all have open minds and don't imply that OP's baby is crying for a reason that she can't identify, they reassure that babies are different and this happens and have made her feel better. You've been rambling on and still think it's so simple she just needs to accommodate her babies needs (which you imply she isn't trying hard enough to do) and upset OP. So many people calling you out, but of course we are all wrong and you are right.

Why are you going on about controlled crying? Nothing to do with OP's post, go ramble somewhere else. Goodbye stranger!

Osirus - I was also one of those babies! I feel so bad for my poor mum, she said I pretty much cried for a year straight! She tried everything, doctors etc.

RE controlled crying - I know of mothers who have been so sleep deprived they've nearly had car accidents, sunk into depression, can barely function and actually look after their babies all because baby assosicates boob with sleep and are up every 45 mins to be put back to sleep. They were surviving on 2/3 hours broken sleep at night and no rest during the day, tried gentle methods which didn't work. Last resort controlled crying, by night 2 their babies were sleeping through. When you see the difference in these women and the way they parent it's insane. So much better, happier and functioning! Babies are happier and developing as they should be as they are well rested. Don't knock it until you've been in their shoes!

goodbye I agree with you that CC is wrong, babies should get whatever they want, but, despite your special talent at calming babies, there are some babies/ some times when it is just not that easy! Why not give the OP the benefit of the doubt and assume she has reasonable intelligence and knows her own baby until proven otherwise?

Can't believe the people who seem to assume that a teenager's exams are by default more important than the baby. Babies under six months should be in with parents, not in the lounge! And before anyone suggests the OP sleep in there too on the couch, it is imo entirely unreasonable to suggest that someone change the entirety of their sleep habits to accommodate a stranger's work/education. Baby is not going to cry forever.

It's like people think she wants her baby to cry??

Plus they were rude and unpleasant and the threat of ss is vile, they are not a noise complaints service!

Kitsa I didn't push it at all if you read. Simply made a suggestion or two in good faith. I haven't at any stage not given OP the benefit of the doubt. Once she gave details of what she did with her son I didn't say a word to her, simply remonstrated with the more offensive posters who seem to be devoid of any manners with regard to neighbours and seem to think once they have a baby their 'rights' trump all. It's quite incredible how self absorbed some of these posters seem to be.

Yes HummyMummy I do think I'm right and the fact is I have a great deal more experience than you, like it or not (well, you obviously don't :)). Eight DC is a lot and I've already said I struggled at first but things improved markedly over time. The straight talking midwife was a godsend.

Perhaps the OP's baby is teething given that everything else seems to be sorted out. Anyhow, there'll be a reason and the neighbours are still entitled to peace at that time in the morning. I'd say that later on in the day until a reasonable time in the evening a baby's crying is part and parcel of ordinary noise but not at 6am, which is where I differ from the babies rule supreme brigade, and which is why I think a baby should be moved at unsociable hours to a place where the noise is as muted for neighbours as it can possibly be.

Goodbye - It doesn't bother me if you have 17 kids to be honest, not for a second saying you don't have parenting experience. But you are sticking with 'babies ALWAYS cry for a reason' after countless of posters who have given their own experiences where their child cried for no reason! Or is it only your 8 child experience that counts? Everyone else's is of course not valid as we haven't had 8 children, what could we possibly know!

If you think a baby should be moved to suit the neighbours that's your opinion which you are entitled to. If I was 16 and complained about next doors baby crying my mum would have been bitterly disappointed in me, rightly so. It's a good lesson for a 16 year old to learn, you don't always have it easy and get what you want, you can't expect the world to stop because you have exams, the baby certainly doesn't care.
If this boy goes to university he will have noisy, partying neighbours whilst trying to sleep/study for important exams, you just have to deal with it, move on and make the best out of the situation.

OP my son began teething early, he was never much of a crier but got really grumpy if he woke up drooly and sore. I used the Ashton baby powders for teething soon after he woke up, these really worked for him. Don't know if it's just the sweet taste distracted him from grumping but he loved them. But don't stress about early morning crying, ignore your idiot neighbours. 6 am is a perfectly reasonable time to be awake and up anyway, it's not like it's 2 or 3 in the morning. Poor teenager next door my arse - how on earth will he cope when he gets a job and needs to be on the bus by half seven, for example.

Good post Hummy.

Obviously the posters can be counted - by definition it's less than 145 unless someone else posts while I'm typing!

Crying for no reason is not the same as crying for no reason that the mother can discern - something will work eventually.

Anyhow, there's no reasoning with someone who believes 'controlled crying' is good, so I'll leave you to dispense your wisdom :)

There's nothing worse than some judgemental know it all 'I've had more babies than you' type.

Tell them to shove it and show them a white noise app on your phone so they can download one.

Oh goodbye you're clutching at straws now and avoiding so many points made to you as I think the pennies finally dropped - you're wrong. It's ok, happens to the best of us, yes even those who have had 8 kids and therefore know everything about every baby! Just deal with it gracefully and move on.

What's that old saying, ignorance is bliss, so I'll leave you to it. Here's a passive aggressive smiley just for you as you seem to like those..

I wouldn't even believe their were people so dumb in the world if One of my family members never experienced this herself. Her neighbour used to bang on the wall when the baby cried, its like what do you expect the mother to do, cover the babies mouth? Can you address his behaviour with the parents?
As others have suggested as well keep the babies cot away from the party wall.

Tbh Goodbye your responses came across as victim blaming. The OP was confronted by a verbally abusive man and your responses have been to suggest SHE was possibly doing something wrong.

Yes babies sometimes cry excessively despite all their physical needs being met.

You have basically been an apologist for this abusive neighbour.

Read back through your posts and see for yourself.