Baby crying aggressive neighbours

[didntexpecthis]

I live in a block of flats. Next door neighbours are a family with 3 children, ages ranging between 6 and 16.

I have a 4 month old who until recently was a very placid baby. Relatively little crying (compared to older sibling at the same age), slept through the night etc.
Recently though the crying has increased. Especially first thing in the morning (6am) when he wakes and intermittently during the day.

NDN's 16 year old has been yelling FFS in the morning when DS starts crying and today, I had a knock on the door from NDN. He was very aggresive and told me that if I didn't shut the baby up to expect a call from SS.

I was really shaken up and am scared although DP says to just ignore it.

AIBU?

[ProudAS]

Babies cry but they don't have to do it next to the neighbour's bedroom and please don't underestimate the adverse effect it can have on some people. I agree that aggression and threatening to call SS are not the way to go and think neighbour was out of order. I also don't think 6AM is a particularly bad time to be woken but a teenager's body clock may say otherwise.

A 16 year old is likely to be in the middle of GCSEs at present, some people (myself included ) have hyperacusis and health problems that are aggravated by lack of sleep.

I have a friend with autism and hyperacusis who has to wear ear defenders in his flat because he cannot tolerate the noise of neighbours closing doors and moving around. Ear defenders are not practical to sleep in though and he cannot tolerate ear plugs due to his condition so he struggles to sleep, I dread to think what a crying baby in a neighbouring flat could do to him and I'm not convinced that the HA would move him for that reason.

As PaintedHands has said a 16 year old has more control over his environment than a baby. The OP however, does have some control over her baby's environment and could move the child into another room. A 16 year old may be able to study elsewhere or put in ear plugs but cannot easily move out of home and may not be able to function well after broken sleep.

I hope it works out OP - there's no foolproof way to stop a baby crying (not a legal one anyway) but do try to minimise the impact on neighbours.

[diamondlilly]

hugs - sounds very upsetting. Hope it works out for you.

[summerdreams]

for you op

I'm shocked that so many posters think your doing something wrong. My son at 4 months screamed day and night from severe silent reflux he was often admitted to hospital for it.

Yanbu to be scared, how dare they threaten you about a crying baby anyone with any sense knows babys cry. I think possibly neighbourhood police the type that deal with neighbours disputes should have it reported as obviously threatening behaviour can esculate.

[emopod]

RE: Teething. I have twins and one popped his first tooth at 4 months, white the other was more than 3 months later, so it is a possibility.

The one who got the early teeth used to get into unsoothable crying fits at nighttime. I still don't know what caused it. I thought maybe wind, or even nightmares (though he was very young for that) because he would be awake, but just have glassy eyes as he screamed for up to 30 minutes. All I could do was hold and walk with him until it stopped. Sometimes lying on my belly helped.

You really sound like you're doing your best and your neighbour sounds incredibly unreasonable. If anyone needs SS calling on them, it's them, with that level of aggression!

[startrek90]

I had this from a neighbor when Ds was 8(?) months. He was teething and nothing I did seemed to help. I also got threatened with SS and with the landlord. Thankfully my landlord had 4 children and was very understanding. It's classed as normal noise and my Dr reassured me that SS would not be interested in a report of a crying 8 month old. I know it is distressing but try to ignore the neighbors and unsympathetic pp. You are doing your best. Sometimes little babies cry and there is not much you can do.

I am sure that you are a lovely mum. Try and remember that this too shall pass

[didntexpecthis]

Just wanted to respond to the kind messages here because they've helped me get through the day. Thank you so much.

Nothing new really but I'm feeling less scared now and much more secure that it's not unusual my baby cries and not knowing what it means doesn't make me a bad mum

[ProudAS]

You're not a bad mum OP but could you move the baby away from the party wall?? Being a good mum doesn't have to mean being a bad neighbour.

[didntexpecthis]

The baby's cot is in our bedroom. Dd has the other bedroom which is only big enough for a single bed.

[ProudAS]

Could you take the baby out of the cot when he cries though?? Would he disturb the neighbours less in the lounge?? I don't think it would be fair to put him in with your DD even if there was space.

I am particularly sensitive to noise due to my autism and lack of sleep aggravates my depression/anxiety. Despite this I would have no problem at all with being woken by a crying baby so long as the baby was removed from the vicinity of my bedroom fairly soon should the crying continue. I realise that babies don't come with off buttons but neither do my health issues. I realise that it's not easy for you but you did choose to have the DC and I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy. I can wear ear plugs but some people on the spectrum can't tolerate them.

I'm not saying that there's an easy answer OP and IMO all flats, party walls etc should be soundproofed. I still reiterate that you are a good mum and the aggressive neighbour is out of order.

[AndYourBirdCanSing]

She's already said she picks him up out of his cot when he cries.

Living in a flat you have to accept you will hear every day living noise from neighbours, and that includes a baby.

[nopel]

Totally agree it's part of living in close proximity. I hear next doors baby crying and the newborn across the street cries his head off every morning. I have no doubt the parents are doing all they can.

'but you did choose to have the DC and I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy.'

Who do you think will be paying for your health care in years to come?

DS went through a long phase of screaming the house down at night from 10-2am. I tried everything but nothing helped.

I would to apologies to the neighbours who always said they couldn't hear a thing. Total lie but their kindness help in a really difficult time.

[HummyMummy72]

OP you sound like a wonderful mum don't let anyone make you feel otherwise!

Goodbye - you're an idiot to put it bluntly. I hope you're not bringing up your children to be as ill mannered as you are. Funny thing is you're adamant you have 'compassion for both sides' haha.

[AndYourBirdCanSing]

We lived in a semi when our twins were babies and had terrible colic. The lovely next door neighbours never uttered a word. I can not imagine the extra stress I would have felt as a new, exhausted mum of I was panicking about neighbours complaining about crying.

[Lules]

Just to re-iterate what others have said. Babies cry. People with babies live next to other people. You aren't doing anything wrong. I lived in a flat with paper thin walls and a screaming baby next door when I was revising for my masters. I wouldn't have dreamed of complaining to my neighbour

[Fuzzywuzzywasabear]

We lived next to a baby that cried alllll the time night and day we used to call it grizzle baby would never have dreamed of knocking on and complaining!

We don't have a baby yet but are aware that crying is normal your neighbour is an idiot.

[crazywriter]

didnt teething can happen at any time. There are some babies born with teeth. Not sure about the hereditary thing. My DD1 got her first tooth around 5 months 2 days after the dentist said there were none ready to come through. No crying about it though! DD2 (the 4.5mo) has had a tooth ready since she was 2mo. I know when she's having very bad bouts of teething because she has horrendous diarrhea as well as constant drooling and inconsolable crying until she crashes out from exhaustion. Somehowill tummy problems and teething are connected.

I just wanted to try help solve the crying. It's not like you can actually do anything but it could give you peace of mind. You're not doing anything wrong and I'm sorry you have such a nasty neighbour.

[princesspineapple]

Goodbyeatranger do you fancy coming round to work your magic on my 9 week old DD who has been wide awake and crying on and off since 5.30 this morning? I'm pretty sure she's not neglected, but she just prefers her outbursts in the morning than the evening. She has a fresh nappy, a full belly, has been burped, cuddled, sang to although this may be making things worse and played with... But if you have any more fabulous parenting tips, please do let us know.
OP, your neighbours are bullies. Fair enough it's not ideal for them but that's what happens when you share a building! For what it's worth, when I did my exams, 2 sets of our neighbours had dogs who woke up at 5 and had a lovely chat across the street. It was annoying but my DF used to get up with me and do practice questions with me before school, rather than go round and pick on the neighbours.
Hope things get sorted soon!

[crankyblob]

Goodbye you are talking absolute trite!

I have had 5 children and the 4 month sleep regression is not only well documented but has been apparent in all of them to some degree and general inconsolable fussiness is a symptom of this! I am surprised that after 8 babies you didn't notice this once in any of them

Op you are doing nothing wrong! Good news is that this 4 month stage does not last too long!

I also have an older child who would get upset at being woken by a crying baby (in fact she reguraly does but it's her brother ) it wouldn't occur to me to knock and complain! in fact if I heard her shouting at the neighbours it would be my DD who would be getting words!

If noise is a concern for their child they need to consider prevention methods or soundproofing as this is part and parcel of living in a flat!

if your NDN had approached you calmly I would have said to work with them to limit disruption but they didn't and what's more you have had to suffer equal noise in the form of their child shouting through the walls.

[goodbyestranger]

No princess I'll pass on that one. You're all enjoying vying with each other for who has the most crying to contend with I wouldn't want to spoil your fun!

HummyMummy72 I may be an idiot but I most certainly never said I had 'compassion' for either party. That would be a ridiculous term to use. I said I felt sorry for the teenager who has a crying baby plonked by the party wall with a self-righteous mother who can't even move the baby a few metres into the lounge. My sympathy for the teenager is increasing. That's not ill-mannered at all - quite the reverse.

[goodbyestranger]

cranky apparently I had no babies according to this thread! I didn't notice a pattern as it happens, just that my skills increased with time. By far the most help I got was from an older midwife with a large family who gave decent advice, not the much softer more sympathetic types who just said 'they cry'.

[crankyblob]

Sorry to the op just to explain about the sleep regression comment... By 4 months baby has different levels of sleeping. They tend to sleep heaviest early in the night and at the lightest during 4 - 6 before going back to a heavy sleep for a bit. It is during these light sleeps that although baby is not ready to wake up, they do intermittent crying and fussing because they are switching between light sleep/waking! It has nothing to do with baby being hungry or wet!

As baby gets older their heavy sleep period become longer or they are able to resettle themselves easier.

So regardless of what some are saying on this thread you are doing absolutely nothing wrong regarding 6am crying.

[crankyblob]

Still goodbye it is extremely unhelpful to op to suggest she might be doing something wrong!

FWIW I think you were lucky that you didn't have this. I certainly had it with all mine. What I will say is that by baby 3 and 4 I knew what was happening and didn't pander as much as with the first 2. I unwittingly settled them easier and sailed through the 4 month stage quite quickly.

Baby number 5 completely different story! Nothing worked and I have never had a good nights sleep since having him and he is 2!

[topazmilk]

Proud, your sensitivity to noise/health problems are not the neighbours problems. I'm shocked that you think a baby should be removed from his bedroom just because you are sleeping on the other side of the wall. Can you not move YOUR bed or sleep on the sofa if the noise bothers you?

I'm currently sleep training my 9-month-old, this means he cries in his cot for up to 20-mins, several times a night. Picking him up only reinforces the night wakings. His cot is against a shared wall because that's the best place for it (due to layout of the room it doesn't fit anywhere else as the radiators and ensuite are in the way). I am NOT going to mess up his sleep training by taking him into the lounge or even taking him out of the cot. He self-soothes with a musical teddy.

Luckily our neighbours are understanding as they have children.

[imwithspud]

Self righteous? Have we been reading the same thread?

[topazmilk]

Oh and being a 'good neighbour' doesn't mean being silent it means being tolerant and understanding. You are a bad neighbour if you complain about a baby crying!

I'm a good neighbour generally. I never play loud music or have loud parties or slam doors. I walk as softly as a cat. But my baby has a right to make noise and to learn how to sleep without my help.