Baby crying aggressive neighbours

[didntexpecthis]

I live in a block of flats. Next door neighbours are a family with 3 children, ages ranging between 6 and 16.

I have a 4 month old who until recently was a very placid baby. Relatively little crying (compared to older sibling at the same age), slept through the night etc.
Recently though the crying has increased. Especially first thing in the morning (6am) when he wakes and intermittently during the day.

NDN's 16 year old has been yelling FFS in the morning when DS starts crying and today, I had a knock on the door from NDN. He was very aggresive and told me that if I didn't shut the baby up to expect a call from SS.

I was really shaken up and am scared although DP says to just ignore it.

AIBU?

[MeridianB]

for you, OP.

Babies cry. Sometimes they cry even when you have tried everything. So your neighbours are definitely BU.

6am is not early. There are many ways to approach a neighbour about noise issues and they chose the most unpleasant, unnecessary way possible, so I have no sympathy for them.

Just focus on your little one and try to forget that horrible confrontation.

I can hear my neighbour's newborn crying in the house across the street every day. All I want to do is knock on the door, make her a cup of tea and give her a break for an hour. I just don't know her very well.

[imwithspud]

So being aggressive and rude is okay because the neighbours son has exams at the moment.

[Paintedhandprints]

I don't believe you have ever had a baby Goodbye. Just ignore this poster op.
Babies cry for a multitude of reasons. Mine sometimes has a good bout of pained screaming between 5 and 9 pm, from a build up of wind. We're working to resolve this, but an aggressive neighbour wouldn't make this any less stressful for us. We are lucky to have deaf neighbours. The 16yo is old enough to manage his environment himself. A baby is not. No advice for you op, but I think be prepared next time to stand up to them. I bet the dad will visit again when you are on your own. Bully.

[goodbyestranger]

Some people get incredibly worried on behalf of their kids. My other neighbour had a spectacular meltdown about extremely noisy building work one door down during the A level revision period. So being rude and aggressive is not ok but it can be understandable. I think there are a lot of assumptions here on all fronts. I just can't imagine someone threatening social services without a heck of a lot of crying. And 6am is anti-social in the strict legal sense of noise pollution. I have every conceivable sympathy with new mothers and struggled myself, but I don't think they can necessarily expect to have any superior rights to other people living in close proximity to them.

[goodbyestranger]

I have eight and had six under seven at one stage. What on earth is wrong with making perfectly sensible (if obvious) suggestions to the OP who hasn't actually said what she does for the baby at 6am, other than not feed it, while at the same time being able to see it from the neighbour's perspective. I've sympathy for both sides, just not exclusively the mother.

[Ivegotyourgoat]

Some of these replies are awful.

My ds1 was an 'only cried if he wanted something' type of baby, he'd passively fall asleep and responded to just being picked up.

Ds2 has been a different story, at 4 months he'd howl, loudly, night and day no matter what we tried. I couldn't put him down, at all, ever, he wouldn't just go to sleep even with me or being rocked, and he'd wake up if a dog farted 2 miles away. He only got better once he was on the move.

[NeedACleverNN]

I think people are offended you claim that all babies shut up if they are clean, dry, fed and cuddled.

My two weren't.

Dd cried every night from 4-6 and no amount of cuddling consoled that. (Colic)

Ds cried every day, every hour, even at 2am. NOTHING cured that. Back and forth to the doctors did nothing. He was eventually diagnosed as CMPA at 7 months but if someone knocked on my door and verbally abused me I would have sobbed out what little sanity I had left

[goodbyestranger]

It's hardly offensive but each to their own! It seems to work in real life so maybe I'll stick to that :) Good luck OP and good luck to your 16 year old neighbour as well.

[Ivegotyourgoat]

It is a bit offensive because it suggests that people who's babies cry a lot aren't looking after them correctly.

[goodbyestranger]

NeedACleverNN just to say I did add 'not bored' into that mix, also 'unless ill'.

[goodbyestranger]

Jesus then trying to help out any new mother is offensive. Fortunately most don't tend to see it that way. I suppose they might if someone stuck their oar in without being asked, but OP posted on MN!

[imwithspud]

It's not offensive to help a new mum. It's offensive to be patronising and to suggest that mums who can't stop their babies from crying aren't looking after them properly - which is what you have done.

[didntexpecthis]

FWIW I go to ds as soon as he starts crying, give him a cuddle and offer a feed (though as I've already said, he doesn't want it). And I do all of the usual things too like rock him, hum to him, and take him to bed with me. As I've also said before he doesn't go on and on crying, he just doesn't settle straightaway.

I do appreciate any advice that anyone can give me. That's why I'm on here. But goodbye you're comments are making me feel like I'm a rubbish mum and I'm pretty sure I'm not. I might not be doing it perfectly but I am doing my best.

[DeloresJaneUmbridge]

You are right in that the OP hasn't said what she does with her crying baby Goodbye but with your comment that

it's absolute bollocks that the baby can't be consoled in these circumstances and at this time of the morning you sound as aggressive as the neighbour.

It isn't always possible. I and others have shared personal experiences where nothing we did made any difference. If your babies were perfect and you were able to instinctively stop their crying every time then lucky you. The rest of us mere mortals deal with realities and normal babies who cry and sometimes won't be soothed no matter what.

Are you sure you're not the aggressive neighbour?

Life happens and you deal with things. Doing exams? The adults in the neighbouring flat need to suggest to their 16yr old that "Yes the baby does seem extra noisy at the moment so perhaps try some earplugs and make sure you are getting an early night".

Or even "perhaps we could check that everything is okay".

Wgat they should not do is show their child how to be aggressive and bloody rude which is what they have done.

That is unreasonable behaviour NOT a crying baby and if people can't see that then there is something very wrong with them.

[crazywriter]

Babies cry! Yes, some can be easily consoled, but others really cannot. My DD1 cried between 7pm and midnight, every single night for the first 3 months. It was colic and there was nothing we could do, apart from try to make it easier for her and help her bring the wind up. We tried colic bottles and drops but nothing worked at all. But other than that, she was a relatively happy baby and mostly stopped crying once we picked her up and tended to her needs.

DD2 is completely different. She has no warnings at all when she's hungry or wants something. She'll just suddenly start balling and we need to quickly figure out what it is. She doesn't have the different cries DD1 had, so not exactly easy. I have to base it on time and what I've already done for her, but when DH gets in from work, he can end up completely lost because he doesn't know what I've already done.

Luckily, our neighbours can't hear through the walls. If they can, they haven't said anything to us and just ask us politely how the girls are doing when we're all pottering around in the garden or see each other locally. We'll be moving into a flat in a month, and I'm dreading what that will be like. Have no choice with the flat for financial reasons. Luckily, both of us will be at home by then, and DH is becoming a SAHD (I'm a WAHM), so we'll be able to get them out of the house. DD1 will also start school in Sept, so the noisy 4yo won't be too bad.

Try your best to help sooth your baby. That's all that you can do. It's impossible to stop all the crying.

BTW DD2 is 4 months (coming up to 5). Her crying got worse latelyoften it seems for no reason. There's been lots of drooling and hands in her mouth, so we're guessing teething. Is it possible that's what it is with yours? It's worth thinking of all the possible reasons for your LO to cry so much and just try to sooth pain/discomfort for them. You can't do it all, though. The neighbour was completely U. Chapping on your door to chat to you about itmaybe find out what's going on?--I could understand, but not being verbally abused.

[DeloresJaneUmbridge]

OP you have done nothing wrong and need to ignore anyone suggesting otherwise. It sounds like you do what any normal parent would do in the same circumstances. Ignore the ignorant poster who is suggesting otherwise as she is an idiot or superhuman. Can't decide which.

[didntexpecthis]

crazy yes, I have wondered about teething though thought it would be a bit early. But like yours he's been drooling quite a lot recently so maybe that is what's going on.

[BlackeyedSusan]

op is not a new mum. she has done it before with her dd.

some babies cry when they are dry, and fed. some cry all through a nappy change in protest. does not mean they are not well looked after, may mean they have colic.

[Ivegotyourgoat]

Well ds would get overtired because he's wake up too soon from naps. He's always been a light sleeper.

Sometimes a noisy car would go past or that would be it, him up for the morning, overtired and grizzly and no going back to sleep.

[SapphireStrange]

OP, your neighbour has a right to feel frustrated by the crying but being aggressive is not going to solve anything. I hope you/DH get a chance to talk calmly to them.

goodbye, your posts are unhelpful and patronising. No one gives a shiny shit, in this context, how many babies you've had or how well you've managed their crying. The OP has a baby that is different from all of yours, as all babies are individuals. Leave her alone.

[didntexpecthis]

He's only just turned four months, and dd cut her first tooth at nearly a year old. Is it possible to be so different?

[didntexpecthis]

because I've been told that teething is hereditary. AFAIK they both have the same parents!

[Ivegotyourgoat]

Didn't it could be teething but please take no notice of the stupid posts.

I'm sure that you are doing everything you can to make your baby happy and comfortable, but babies cry and some cry a lot.

Oh and sometimes you even HAVE to let them cry for a bit, like if they won't nap and you've run out of clean bottles, or if your helping your other child, or they're fighting a nappy change.

[AndYourBirdCanSing]

I fucking despair at this place sometimes. Babies CRY. Sometimes for no apparent reason at all

OP, you're not doing anything wrong. Ignore some of the (frankly ridiculous and goady) comments on this thread.