Baby crying aggressive neighbours

[didntexpecthis]

I live in a block of flats. Next door neighbours are a family with 3 children, ages ranging between 6 and 16.

I have a 4 month old who until recently was a very placid baby. Relatively little crying (compared to older sibling at the same age), slept through the night etc.
Recently though the crying has increased. Especially first thing in the morning (6am) when he wakes and intermittently during the day.

NDN's 16 year old has been yelling FFS in the morning when DS starts crying and today, I had a knock on the door from NDN. He was very aggresive and told me that if I didn't shut the baby up to expect a call from SS.

I was really shaken up and am scared although DP says to just ignore it.

AIBU?

[Lovewineandchocs]

She isn't leaving the baby to cry!

[didntexpecthis]

imaginosity no DP isn't scared. He wasn't home at the time but says he'll go round tomorrow and talk to them. They seem to be quite dysfunctional - a lot of yelling, swearing, slamming doors, that kind of thing.

I have go to bed now as my eyes are barely open after a long and stressful day but am feeling a lot less tearful now after the kind words of support. Thank you again

[Lovewineandchocs]

Exactly mistress that's the perils of living in anything other than a detached house, they should know the score. And the crying will hopefully be short-lived. The OP can't help what time her DS wakes up.

[TwirlsInTwirlsOutAgain]

No advice, but feel for you. This post has brought back memories. My now teenager used to wake up insanely early every morning as a baby (always around 5am) and cry. On an evening he used to suffer from colic and scream between approx. 5pm and 7pm every night and nothing would quieten him.
Neighbours next door used to bang on the walls when he cried, and even came round one day to complain.
WTF are you meant to do?! Babies cry, what's they do.
Yours sound threatening and would have had me a nervous wreck as a new mum.
You've done nothing wrong at all. Ignore him, even if he did contact SS which I really doubt (for what? A crying baby?!) he'd probably get laughed at, as it's hardly anything to worry about.
Ignore him. Easier said than done, I know.

[Imaginosity]

I wasn't suggesting your DP confront them - unless your DP is really well able to stand up to them. I'd be afraid if my DP knocked on the door of people who sound so horrible.

[musicposy]

There's no excuse whatsoever for them to be aggressive and yes, they should be able to remember the baby years. However, you've not yet, I assume, had to deal with the teen years and when you do you may have a slightly different perspective.

A baby is exhausting and hard work (I remember that walking zombie phase!) but living with a 16 yo who is right bang smack in the midst of exam season is no fun either. If the 16 year old has GCSE exams most days (as is the case this week) I can imagine the family getting pretty angry at them being disturbed by a crying baby at 6am every morning. DD is 16 and the exam stress is horrendous. I would have said something to you. Having said that I would have approached you more rationally.

Put the baby in your room/ away from the teenager's room until mid-late June. Try to placate the baby at 6am, however tired you are. It will matter less in a month's time. Any more trouble, explain what you are trying to do to help and ignore threats to SS. Even they know that's ridiculous.

[imwithspud]

The baby already is in the op's room. There's nowhere else for the baby to go.

If they come round again I would state that you're doing all you can and that they might find it useful to invest in some ear plugs.

[MistressDeeCee]

I have 2 DDs both in their early 20s now. Our downstairs neighbour had a baby whilst they were at secondary school studying for exams. They didnt complain they got on with what they had to do, whether that meant earplugs or low music in background whilst studying so they werent focused on baby crying. Which doesn't mean they werent stressed, supporting teens through the GCSE/A Level years is terrible! I wouldn't have dreamt of knocking on neighbour's door. I can't understand people who are unreasonable about babies, or those that think because their teen has exams that somehow trumps everything. It doesn't. Only in your own home. So unless its unreasonable, purposeful noise then IMO its put up and shut up.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Oh I take it his must have been little Saints, then, and child Prodigys, able to hold full conversations from birth. you know. I need my nappy changing,
Daddy I want my bottle.
Yes babies crying might be annoying, but it's what they do, and it most certainly does not warrant aggressive threatening behaviour.
If Social services acted on every call about a baby crying. They'd be doing not much else. He's just a fuckin bully. Funny he's approached you and not your DH. Too shit scared is he of a man.

[RonaldMcDonald]

It is really hard to deal with aggression from someone else at anytime.
I'm sorry your neighbours are such prats

Ignore his threats. Don't go round. Don't move room. Don't explain or apologise. I'd immediately flag it with the housing association as his actions have made you feel anxiety and some level of threat.

I am pretty shocked at the lack of support shown towards mothers with little babies.
Take care and don't worry about SS

[topazmilk]

YANBU at all. Your neighbours are nasty, selfish idiots! Of course it's not your fault your baby cries, and you shouldn't have to move him to another room. Babies cry. That's life. At 4 months my DS went through a sleep regression and woke up crying every 90mins all night! This went on for weeks. He also had reflux and colic and some nights would cry and scream for 3-4 hours, inconsolable. We lived in a flat and our neighbours didn't complain. And no we didn't swap the rooms around.

Neighbours can wear earplugs. You shouldn't live in a flat if you can't stand noise!

[didntexpecthis]

DP is going to go round when he gets back from work this evening to try and diffuse the situation. We discussed whether it was a good idea to do so as I really don't want to fan any flames but DP thinks it's best to nip any bullying in the bud. He has a very calm manner and good at reasoning so hopefully he'll be able to get through to them.

[GingerMerkin]

I have had screaming babies in the next room to me over the years and it has driven me mad. What makes the difference is that my neighbours bar one set have been lovely and I would not dream of complaining. When I sat my 'O' levels the ones there then moved their daughter so I could study and sleep in peace (lot of good it did as I failed most of the exams!)

To all the posters saying they should buy ear plugs, how about YOU buying the ear plugs and giving them to your neighbours and maybe a bottle of wine if you are feeling especially generous.

[1AngelicFruitCake]

Good - did your babies only cry briefly then? I've got a very young baby and sometimes my baby is inconsolable. I change, wind, feed and I've had the health visitor round and she looked at me like this and said 'Sometimes babies cry'. I'm sure OP (like me) does all she can.

[CheshireChat]

I'm afraid babies cry and there isn't always something you can do. I mean my son was about 14 months (so older and easier to manage) when he started crying/ screaming 2hr every night for a couple of weeks. Sure, after tweaking his routine we're back to normal, but he was still crying during that time.

[WeeWaspie]

Bugger is that what I'm doing wrong then? If only i thought of feeding my baby at 5 this morning then i might feel like less of a zombie

OP I'm sure your doing a grand job, hopefully your DP will smooth things open and you can just focus on your baby.

[goodbyestranger]

They didn't cry much once I'd got the hang of changing, feeding then holding them, no. I'd have thought at 6am the baby wouldn't cry if it was clean, had had breakfast and was tucked up with the mum until a more sociable time of day. I agree that they sometimes cry at times when the mum can't be at their beck and call but I'd have thought 6am wasn't one of those really. I think it would be considerate to go all out at that time of the morning to keep things quiet. Obviously it might not settle if it's put in it's cot but it's probably going to be very content if it gets to go in the big bed with its mum.

[Catmuffin]

It's not that ds wants a feed when he wakes and cries, more that he wakes and cries for attention.

There's no excuse for aggressive behaviour but it might be worth trying your baby with a feed first thing as most babies are a bit thirsty when they wake and it might help settle him. The family are probably going through GCSE stress, although obviously they could have been less aggressive about it

[didntexpecthis]

cat yes, naturally it's the first thing I do (seeing if he wants a feed) but he really isn't interested in feeding for at least an hour after waking up.

[Catmuffin]

Ok. Well i hope you manage to resolve things with the neighbour

[didntexpecthis]

It's not like it's 6am on the dot everyday like clockwork. Some days he sleeps through til around 7am then he might wake up crying several mornings between 5-6am. It's unpredictable.

[didntexpecthis]

Thanks cat. Just reread my post to you and hope it didn't come across as being snappy, didn't mean it to.

[Janecc]

So they can shout, swear and bang doors but your baby had better not cry. I can image the 6am wake up call for the 16 yr old is tough going though. Anyway I hope dh calms the situation done.