Baby crying aggressive neighbours

[didntexpecthis]

I live in a block of flats. Next door neighbours are a family with 3 children, ages ranging between 6 and 16.

I have a 4 month old who until recently was a very placid baby. Relatively little crying (compared to older sibling at the same age), slept through the night etc.
Recently though the crying has increased. Especially first thing in the morning (6am) when he wakes and intermittently during the day.

NDN's 16 year old has been yelling FFS in the morning when DS starts crying and today, I had a knock on the door from NDN. He was very aggresive and told me that if I didn't shut the baby up to expect a call from SS.

I was really shaken up and am scared although DP says to just ignore it.

AIBU?

[JuxtapositionRecords]

Op I feel for you, as if being tired isn't bad enough being shouted at by neighbours won't be helping. My first used to cry early morning too (despite people patronising that a feed and a cuddle is all they need - hmm, didn't think to try that!), I never figured it out but it did stop. I hope your DH can calm things down.

[Janecc]

goodbye yes it was that simply for my baby but not everyone's baby. Some babies just cry and for prolonged periods. Have you RTT as there are examples of this? Mine always cried for a couple of minutes to get to sleep for example.

[rainbowinfusedspaceunicorn]

Fgs, some seriously unsympathetic replies here (Luckily plenty of sensible ones too!) Yes, I had the sort of baby who if he was crying then I'd just feed him and he'd be fine. Not all babies are the same.

And of course you don't take a bottle of wine and earplugs to someone who comes to your front door and is aggressive to you!

Hope you're alright OP and hope it all gets sorted.

[Catmuffin]

Hi didn't No you didn't seem snappy. It must be really stressful especially as they sound pretty dysfunctional.

[GingerMerkin]

Rainbow, the wine would be for pleasant and sympathetic neighbours of course who understood the problem or tried to.

Earplugs would probably be shoved down the gullet of the OP's aggressive neighbours.

[GingerMerkin]

Incidently I can hear my neighbours baby crying at the moment, will I be going round to give a her a piece of my mind. No. I am sorry for her as the baby is on it's 6th belly upset in so many weeks thanks to the PITAs who keep dumping their DC at nursery with every lergy going.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

I can hear NDN toddler crying. I ignore it because, well toddlers cry for one and I have a child, I know what its like.

Probably a lot worse for the parents than it is for me next door.

[imwithspud]

I think the op needs the wine to forget the awfulness that is her ndns.

[ChihuahuaChick]

Your neighbours are dicks, OP. Lived in temp housing (flats) for a bit which had fuck all insulation and it was a fucking nightmare. Downstairs would bang on the floor the instant DS1 had a loud tantrum, but we had to put up with the threesomes, 1am techno, "go and live with your faaaacking dad then, oh wait he doesn't want you" etc etc.

Some people are too selfish to think "if I can hear X through the wall, maybe they can hear Y through it too and I should let it go".

[didntexpecthis]

Ahh, wish I could have some of that wine though! I miss wine... [wistful]

So DP rang the doorbell earlier but nobody answered even though they're obviously in (um, we can hear you!!!).

Not sure if that's the end of that then, but I'm feeling a lot stronger tonight thanks to lovely MNers

[goodbyestranger]

I don't think they do cry if they're clean, well fed, being held and not bored Gruffalo, all of which it's possible to achieve at 6am in the morning if you don't have to get ready for work and go out. I think given the number of children I've had I'm likely to have developed a feel for what works and what doesn't, although it was a steep learning curve, I'll give you that. The problem is that especially with subsequent babies and therefore conflicting demands it isn't always possible to achieve but the 16yr old next door seems to react particularly to the 6am cry (not surprisingly if s/he's doing exams) and that particular session should be easy to sort.

My next door neighbour's second baby screamed blue murder through the early hours for weeks on end and I never dreamed of complaining but I think we were all very relieved (my neighbour, her family, us and the baby) when she stopped this extraordinary 'controlled crying' thing and just went back to picking the baby up when it cried.

[imwithspud]

Having lots of babies doesn't make you an expert on all babies. It just makes you an expert on the babies you've had.

[goodbyestranger]

Sure spud. But to be fair I have had quite a range of temperaments and babies really aren't as complicated as some mothers would have us believe. Their needs are very straightforward unless of course they're ill.

[imwithspud]

Some babies cry despite a mothers best efforts, that is a fact. You've never experienced that - lucky you. Your comments to the op haven't been in the least bit helpful.

[Hamishandthefoxes]

But positive suggestions are patronising and fuck all use when the op is already doing them, they're not working and there is no room to physically move the baby to. If there are going to be practical suggestions op may well welcome something she isn't already doing.

[imwithspud]

Actually it wasn't my experience on the whole, they had their moments but both of mine were relatively placid. But I have enough empathy and understanding to realise that babies aren't all the same and that some babies really do just cry despite the parents trying all the blatantly obvious things you suggested and more

But let's not let that get in the way of making a new mum feel like she's not able to look after her child adequately.

[DeloresJaneUmbridge]

Blimey Goodbye lucky you that your babies responded so well. FWIW my DS went through a phase of early waking and crying at around the 4 month stage. I tried everything including taking him into bed with me....it made not a sod of difference apart from the intensity of the crying which might or might not lessen.

It went on for weeks and stopped as quickly as it started.

Sometimes babies just cry and its nothing to do with neglectful or ineffective strategies.

OP your neighbour is,aggressive. Report to the HA because they don't like their tenants behaving like that.

[minipie]

OP yanbu and your neighbour is being a dick.

As a practical suggestion - have you got one of those electronic cot mobiles that go round and round (eg tiny love or fisher price) - they really helped me with my DDs early morning grumpiness.

[goodbyestranger]

All the OP has said about what she actually does is that she doesn't feed the baby because apparently he doesn't want to be fed and she's also said that his cot is in her room. She hasn't said anything else about what she actually does. Thus, she hasn't said she takes the baby into her bed to give him the attention she says he wants, merely that he doesn't settle straight back which suggests she returns him to his cot. I don't think the neighbour handled it well and clearly he shouldn't have been aggressive but it's absolute bollocks that the baby can't be consoled in these circumstances and at this time of the morning.

[goodbyestranger]

spud you appear to have no empathy at all for the neighbour. I reckon the 16 year old is extremely unlikely not to be doing public exams at the moment and I therefore think the OP should be doing everything she can to stop the early morning crying. Basically whatever it takes for the next few weeks and then going for a longer term strategy. She hasn't said what she's actually doing at all, just that the baby 'won't settle'. I actually feel really sorry for the kid next door and don't subscribe to the righteous approach.

[imwithspud]

I find it hard to be empathetic towards people to act in such an aggressive and rude manner towards others, especially a new mum who is likely to be feeling vulnerable and is still getting to grips with this parenting malarkey. I certainly wouldn't be buying them bottles of wine to appease them If they had approached the op in a less aggressive manner then I would be a little more understanding of their plight but if you live in a block of flats you expect some noise. Babies crying is a part of every day family life for a lot of parents, especially in the early days. If you can't cope with this normal level of noise then the practical solution would be to buy some ear plugs to avoid a disturbed nights sleep, not go round and bully the neighbours into submission and make them scared and anxious every time their baby dares to make a peep.

[goodbyestranger]

We only know the OP's side of it. It only takes a little imagination to think about it from the neighbour's point of view spud. It also takes about a split second to work out that the 16year old is probably right in the middle of exams, whether GCSE or AS. I'm really surprised at anyone suggesting reporting to social services but I'd say that the mere suggestion does actually suggest really quite a lot of sustained crying. I think you might need to read what's been said by the OP a little more closely. I wonder if the slamming of doors and the 'FFS' swearing started at the same time as the crying? I've no idea obviously but it does sound as though the neighbour is at the end of his tether.