Baby crying aggressive neighbours

[didntexpecthis]

I live in a block of flats. Next door neighbours are a family with 3 children, ages ranging between 6 and 16.

I have a 4 month old who until recently was a very placid baby. Relatively little crying (compared to older sibling at the same age), slept through the night etc.
Recently though the crying has increased. Especially first thing in the morning (6am) when he wakes and intermittently during the day.

NDN's 16 year old has been yelling FFS in the morning when DS starts crying and today, I had a knock on the door from NDN. He was very aggresive and told me that if I didn't shut the baby up to expect a call from SS.

I was really shaken up and am scared although DP says to just ignore it.

AIBU?

[goodbyestranger]

'Victim blaming' is a ridiculous turn of phrase in this context Delores. An angry neighbour said he would report OP to social services because of the noise her baby had been making. His own child is having to bear the brunt of it because the baby hasn't been moved into a room further away , which seems the only solution if the baby really won't stop crying. It's unpleasant to have an angry neighbour coming round to complain but not in any way an offence, either civil or criminal. Quite clearly he handled it badly but we can't know how aggravated the noise has been because we only know OP's side of the story.

typically average my eldest was an intensive care baby at birth too, so I sympathize (hence me saying I initially struggled a lot - when she came out of nicu she cried and cried and I too was at my wit's end, but in fact she was just plain bored). That doesn't seem to be the problem here however, nor is the baby on a plane which is often uncomfortable for a baby (I had to travel regularly to and from California with my first two, so have sympathy with that one too). But these are all unusual settings and the OP's is not. Incidentally my younger ones all had to sleep in a moses basket at that age and they were all a perfectly decent size - no other room in the house! I get the impression that a lot of people posting here just don't want to put themselves out even a tiny bit to find a solution and that's just selfish. As I say, if the neighbours start kicking off through the summer so that the baby can't sleep when it wants to then no doubt all sympathy will be with the mother again!

[goodbyestranger]

In terms of loud thumping music all night, that could be dealt with by the council as noise pollution, if it was a regular occurence. I'm talking about loud thumping music right through the day, which is perfectly legal. Or masses of noisy teens playing on the xbox in the bedroom. If you want neighbours to be decent to you, you need to be decent to them - an absolute refusal to do anything or even try to do anything could well end in tears.

[imwithspud]

I don't think the op owes her neighbours anything after they approached her in such an aggressive way in the first place.

Like you say if you want your neighbours to be decent to you, you need to be decent to them. If he had approached her calmly to talk about his concerns, rather than go storming round there all guns blazing then maybe the ndn would be getting a little more sympathy and understanding, but as it stands they have used threats and intimidation to frighten the op. That is not how mature and reasonable adults deal with a problem.

[HummyMummy72]

Goodbye - Comparing a 16 year old boy playing music loudly to a 4 month old baby crying, you cannot be serious. You are either a persistent troll or not very intelligent at all.
And actually, using your example, my neighbors can be quite loud during the day when DD is trying to nap, it can disturb her nap but I wouldn't dream of kicking on the walls or screaming for them to shut up. Because that's life, these things happen I can't control the environment around me, only in my own home can I do that. And also because I'm not a complete and utter twat.

You still insist on the baby being moved when OP says this isn't a viable solution, and countless of posters have given there personal experience with babies of that age who wouldn't be comfortable being moved to the living room. But again, no one else's experiences matter. Only your opinion and experiences do because you've had 8 children, bore off no one cares. You actually think all babies will fit in with at least one of your 8 children's personality, it's embarrassing.

"We can't know how aggravated the noise has been because we only know OP's side of the story"

You're really not getting it are you? It doesn't matter how loud the baby was screaming, the neighbors reaction was unacceptable. OP has said the baby cries at 6am, she even said sometimes it's for a while other times the baby settles, it's clearly not prolonged crying from 12am-6am..
The 16 year old boy isn't always going to be able to get his own way, like I said this is an excellent lesson for him to learn!
The baby NEEDS to get there own way, it's a baby. And there's no lesson to learn for them. You get the impression that posters don't want to put themselves out and that's selfish? You really are a joke lol. Actually we don't want to put our crying babies out, we care about our children but that to you is selfish?

God help your children if you have bought them up thinking it's ok to complain about baby's crying and everyone should accommodate them! The 16 year old is more than capable of wearing ear plugs or sleeping in another room. If I were him, I would go to sleep an hour or 2 earlier, use the crying baby as my alarm, go in another room and study for my exams for an hour or so before school if they're that important to me. It's called adapting to the situation your in and making the best out of it, something he will need to do many times in his life.

[PirateFairy45]

Tell them to STFU. Stupid gits.

Our downstairs neighbour started that crap before my daughter was born. We were just moving in and introduced ourselves, he took one look at my bump and said 'oh, you're pregnant. That's going to be great for me".

When she was born he used to shout 'shut the fucking thing up!' Whilst I was trying to calm her down. I pretended I never heard then when I saw him I was super nice and apologised, he was very nice to my face.

[HummyMummy72]

Pirate - that sounds horrible! What a twat!

Although I'm sure Goodbye thinks it was selfish of you not to move house again..

[goodbyestranger]

HummyMummy you are an absolute bore. Where does all your experience come from incidentally? Since you seem to be instructing me on everything to do with rearing children I might as well know how you come by it all. You seem to be setting yourself up as the fount of all childrearing knowledge whereas all I've done is offer one or two suggestions, cast a bit of doubt on the impossibility of soothing a crying baby (teething, illness and aeroplanes apart) and suggested that being relatively considerate to neighbours might be the next move if the crying really won't stop. Not wanting to move a baby for your own convenience is not the same as having nowhere to put it. Mine slept on our tiny landing when they had to and they've all survived to tell the tale. You can over do the precious baby stuff and you can also hide behind babies because that's what you want to do yourself even if the baby couldn't care less.

The OP doesn't want to move the baby, that's her call although it might have repercussions, but that's too bad. Do as you would be done by. And there isn't a jot of difference between a teenage kid playing loud music or a baby crying during normal sociable hours. No-one could do anything to stop the music until very late at night, so music is potentially very disturbing - but perfectly legal.

I think if you read my posts rather than sounding off because you think it's all so so much harder than it actually is, and because you're so self-absorbed you don't give a fig about your neighbours, you'd read that my neighbour's second DD screamed blue murder through the small hours every night for weeks until the mother gave up on this unpleasant 'controlled crying'. I would never have complained and never offered advice until asked - which solved the problem.

I'll ignore the very rude comments about my own DC about whom you know nothing. They happen to be extremely charming and considerate but growing up in such a large family and with a parent who teaches you to think about people other than simply yourself that's not particularly surprising.

[HummyMummy72]

Goodbye - you are crazy lol. Where have I claimed to have all this parenting knowledge? I'm not a self righteous know it all (like others have pointed out, you are) and never have claimed to know much about rearing children, I think you'll find its you who's done that! Are you a little confused? All I've said is that there have been over 100 posts on this with mums giving their own experiences and reassuring OP it's perfectly normal, apart from you. You keep bringing up your millions of children and how they did this and did that, but never done this so something must be wrong. You are the one who has said you have a 'skill' in soothing babies (still laughing at that ridiculous comment) you are the one who keeps banging on about your life saving Mary poppins midwife who changed your life and taught you how to look after everybody's baby. You are the one who said ALL baby's are perfectly adaptable and at that age won't be effected being placed in another room.

All I've said is be open minded, not everyone's baby will be comfortable being placed in another room at that time in the morning and the baby isn't necessarily crying for a reason. But I'm the one who is apparently giving child rearing lessons? Oh dear, you don't have a very good grasp of reality do you.

What makes you think I don't give a 'fig' lol about my neighbors? I just care about my baby more like every other person on this thread. I actually have wonderful neighbors who I get along with great! I text her a few weeks ago when DD was crying a little at night and teething, I said I hope she doesn't disturb her kids..she of course was not a twat about it and said its fine babies will be babies and she hopes DD is ok.

The fact you equate moving a crying baby in to a room other than its bedroom in the morning with not thinking of others and being self absorbed is laughable, you really are embarrassing with a pinch of crazy thrown in.

So many posters have given you example after example, reason after reason why your view on this matter is entitled but completely wrong. No point even bothering, your mind is so closed, it's locked and the keys at the bottom of the ocean.
I won't be replying to you now, I can't engage in conversation with someone who isn't open minded and makes dumb comparisons. Just to amuse you I'll say we'll have to agree to disagree, and here's your favorite passive aggressive smiley one more time to finish this conversation between us!

[WinniePooh101]

OP - you have my sympathy! We are currently experiencing neighbours from absolute hell. Young guy lived upstairs with ex, no trouble, split and has new girlfriend who only seems to know a few words mainly fuck and cunt!! She doesn't work and he rarely seems to nowadays, at least three times a week their music is so loud its ridiculous and it doesn't get switched off until 4.30/5am. They have all their windows open, argue every evening and through the night and then shag like they're making a porn film! After numerous complaints from neighbours they're being evicted BUT now they spend their evenings making even more noise and shouting out fucking neighbours you fucking cunts!!

Don't underestimate the impact aggressive neighbours can have it's horrendous!

[imwithspud]

I love how my comment about being decent to others and getting it return was completely ignored along with other posts. Guess I must have made too much of a valid point

Oh well, it's like talking to a brick wall. Op, you're doing great. Don't let people lie Goodbye and your awful neighbours make you think otherwise.

[imwithspud]

*like

[HummyMummy72]

Spud - talking to a brick wall! That's the saying I was looking for lol. That's exactly right! And goodbye Ignores any valid points because she can't bare the thought of being wrong...

[WinniePooh101]

imwithspud we tried that with our neighbours, we tolerated it for so long and in the end spoke to him and he promised it wouldn't happen again....that lasted about 2 weeks. I don't think our neighbours are the norm though.

[ilovesthediff]

Of course you're not a bad mother! Look, not much you can do other than what you're doing. I'd contact the police to find out where you stand re aggressive neighbours and maybe log it. That sounds horrid.

[didntexpecthis]

Thanks so much to posters sharing similar experiences, it's good to know I'm not alone and that hopefully this stage will pass. I stayed away for a couple of days because of one poster who was starting to do my head in... All I can say is how lucky you are to have been such a perfect mother with perfect babies and be a perfect neighbour with perfect neighbours. Believe it or not, IRL, there really are such things as aggresive neighbours who can make your life a misery. And yes, my baby cries and disturbs their sleep but I'm not acting thoughtlessly or being self righteous as suggested in one of their posts. And FWIW a lot of the shouting and f-ing and blinding, slamming doors etc are arguments within their family - unrelated to us. I think they're just an angry family.

Anyway, rant over. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Phew!

[didntexpecthis]

And to hummy, spud and others who tried to reason with said poster

[didntexpecthis]

Maybe I'm overreacting but it really got to me. Still feeling a bit hormonal, sorry for the rant

[roloyoghurt]

Hope your ok OP, my 12 week baby had colic and have had daily long periods of crying when I've tried everything and nothing will settle him, thankfully he's improving but it was soul destroying for sometime, just felt so helpless and worried as FTM..if i had to deal with your neighbours on top of that stress id be very upset, understandably you are not overreacting to that (or the unhelpful goady posts, hope your ok, how are things now? Hope it's calmer

[didntexpecthis]

Thanks roly. I'm ok. My moods are a bit all over the place - feel really sad sometimes for no apparent reason but then ds will gurgle and do something adorable which immediately puts the world to rights
Things are pretty quiet now and going to go and try catch some zzz's

[roloyoghurt]

Aww makes it all worth it when u get special moments like that sounds like your having really tough time and not surprising u feel like that, hope u have some good support round you? Hope u get a good rest tonight , take care of yourself

[goodbyestranger]

Hummy your hysterical rants do nothing to boost your credibilty. If you choose to believe that nothing can be done to calm a crying baby in normal circumstances then you're welcome to stick to that, obviously. Free world and all that. The very sensible midwife I referred to was an ordinary NHS midwife allocated randomly to me, not a 'Mary Poppins'! My SIL had one of those - in London, charging an arm and a leg to sit holding SILs hand and drinking tea whilst talking her through 'controlled crying'. I think I got the better deal, as did my DC! Why you have such an issue with perfectly normal common sense stuff, written in a calm way (despite provocation) I can't fathom, unless of course you're a maternity nurse or nanny by profession? That's the only possible vested interest I can think of which might benefit by insisting that nothing can be done when babies cry, and that cheering them up requires some sort of magic, or divine intervention, which is of course nonsense. For the record, my DC haven't been straightforward, starting with No 1 as I mentioned who was on the critical list after birth in a foreign nicu and it didn't go smoothly after that either, so please don't make assumptions. One learns from difficult times, not easy ones.

[HummyMummy72]

OP - I'm glad you're feeling a bit better..I've known a few people like goodbye In real life (unfortunately lol) and the best thing to do is let them think they're right, smile politely, nod..and roll your eyes when you've walked away lol..
She's now convinced her crazy self that I think all babies cry for no reason, as a general and not in exceptional circumstances like yours. She's a special kind of stupid! And of course we are all nurses and nannies on here that's the ONLY reason we disagree with her haha..

It's her poor children I feel sorry for, I could not deal with a mum who was so closed minded and over opinionated, they certainly won't be going to her for advice in the future although in her head I'm sure her relationship with them is perfect perfect, happy happy!

Anyway, like you said I'm sure your baby crying is just a phase and will of course grow out of it, keep doing whatever you can but don't worry this happens sometimes! I was fortunate enough to not go through it with DC's but my mum said as a baby I cried and cried for no reason, it was very stressful on her as I'm sure it is for you X

[Onthecouch1]

OP- Good luck hope the neighbours chill out. I have no idea how id of coped if our neighbours had complained about my youngest. Lack of sleep had myself and DP at the edge of sanity as it was.
At the end of the day any reasonable person would never complain about a crying baby as no one suffers it more than the parents!!!

[crazywriter]

OP glad you're feeling a bit better. You will get past this. You know with DD that you will. The poster you're referring to just needs to be glossed over. She's a little like the DMs and MILs we read so much of on here...over opinionated and never wrong in their eyes. Using experience of more kids as a reason for nobody else to be right. Try not to get upset because there's no reason to. Good luck and update us if angry father comes back.