Am I neglecting DS?

[PeppaAteMySoul]

I have mentioned on here before that my own upbringing was chaotic at best which makes me constantly second guess "normal" patenting and feel guilt/ worry when I can't do it right.

I'm pregnant and today have suffered badly with morning sickness and crippling tiredness. It has been a nightmare looking after my two year old. So mid afternoon I lay him down in my bed next to me and put cartoons on the laptop. It was only meant to be for 20 mins or so while I got a quick rest but I ended up dozing off and woke up an hour later with my son kissing me and telling me to "wake up mummy". It feels so wrong to have fallen asleep when he was in my care and I already felt bad about the cartoon watching anyway. (I try to limit his screen time). I feel awful. Is what I did neglectful?

No, it wasn't neglect it was doing what you have to do to get through the day. We've all been there.

No, you're fine! We've all done that. Hope you feel better soon.

No, extenuating circumstances. You're allowed! He'll be fine.

What about at night?

Totally fine! If you think you're being neglectful now, wait until you have 2!

I'm a social worker and no, that wasn't neglect . Sounds completely normal. We've all done stuff like that sometimes when we've been bone tired.

All I'd suggest is next time you lie down with cartoons with your son, maybe set an alarm on your phone in case you doze off again, and make sure there is nothing hazardous that he could get hold of if you are dozing.

Thank you, the situation just made me replay a conversation I had with my own parents were they tried to justify there behaviour by basically arguing that all parents put their own needs before their kids because it's human nature and as long as it's not really bad it's okay. It made me feel like maybe they were right.

Sorry, realise complete lack of punctuation is sentence above. Am still a bit upset.

No. I used to bring DS1 into my bed in the mornings when i was pregnant with DS2 and i would put on cartoons and have a doze. I think its fine. You are probably more aware if him whilst he is in your bed than you are when he is in his own room at night.

Sounds like a lovely, cozy afternoon to me! What a nice way to be woken up too.

That was fine. I did that when pregnant with DS2, I would set an alarm and cuddle round him on my bed so I would feel if he got up.

I napped on the sofa almost everyday when ds was about 2.
Literally couldn't keep my eyes open, it is honestly fine

Thank you all. I will definatley set an alarm if I need to rest again. I just didn't realise pregnancy could be so tiring. It wasn't like that with my first.

I don't understand why everyone is saying it is fine to have a two year old who might get up and either fall down the stairs, or go out the front door, or I don't know any number of dangerous things. He's two.

OP I completely understand how tired you are and I'm sorry for you that you feel guilty about your ds. We've all been there. I've done things which weren't great (my baby fell off the bed once because I stupidly left her there so I'm not saying I'm perfect) but I would put this episode in the not great category, not the fine category.

To all the other posters, if the OP had woken up if the boy had got up and left the room, fine but what if she hadn't? Why is that OK?

PS I wouldn't worry about an hour's screen time at this point, it's the leaving a two year old unsupervised that I am talking about.

I suspect the OP has already mulled that one over considerably. Hence her upset at the situation.

In a normal build baby proofed house it would be fine, I had stair gates in case of night time wanderings anyway.

Ignore old huffy pants up there ^^ You're doing fine. What do you suggest she should have done Sea when she's crippled with tiredness from pregnancy?

Stair gate on bedroom door.

Xpost

You were fine. I regularly did things like that, especially when pregnant with DD2 and DD3. My kids all survived.

I am a great believer that there is such a thing as "benign neglect" and that young children do sometimes have to learn to amuse themselves for short periods.

You didn't leave him alone, you made sure he had cartoons to keep him interested and you were even in the same room. If something had really happened I would bet you would have responded instantly.

Most people tend to have stair gates when they have a 2 year old so I am sure OP's LO was safe. She's worrying about him emotionally and I too was pg with a toddler and did the same thing on occasion. She loved doing it anyway and often fell asleep with me after a while anyway. I would just set an alarm

Op sorry if this doesn't sound quite right but my intention is good.

Your dcs needs don't always trump yours. Your needs will trump theirs at times. You don't need to be a martyr to be a good mum. You needed to sleep and that's ok, cartoons because you're tired are ok, your parents might have always put you last but don't carry on always putting yourself last. It's ok to buy that pretty dress just because you want it as long as your dc aren't starving ect. Please do some self esteem boosting.

Most mothers would wake up if the child wandered off. It's the same instinct as hearing them stirring in the other room at night, or hearing their cry over dozens of other kids at soft play.

Op, it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do. You'll feel better for a nap and be more able to interact with him afterwards! If it helps, my DD learnt her alphabet off YouTube nursery rhyme videos when I had morning sickness!

I always bring dd into my bed in the morning to watch some cartoons and have a cuddle, sometimes i doze off and when i wake up shes just staring at me with a smile on her face but sometimes she slaps me in the face and shouts 'UP!' (dd is an early riser) you do have to make some time for yourself, its ok