Am I neglecting DS?

[PeppaAteMySoul]

I have mentioned on here before that my own upbringing was chaotic at best which makes me constantly second guess "normal" patenting and feel guilt/ worry when I can't do it right.

I'm pregnant and today have suffered badly with morning sickness and crippling tiredness. It has been a nightmare looking after my two year old. So mid afternoon I lay him down in my bed next to me and put cartoons on the laptop. It was only meant to be for 20 mins or so while I got a quick rest but I ended up dozing off and woke up an hour later with my son kissing me and telling me to "wake up mummy". It feels so wrong to have fallen asleep when he was in my care and I already felt bad about the cartoon watching anyway. (I try to limit his screen time). I feel awful. Is what I did neglectful?

Having coslept with DD for much of her life I do know what she's doing, even when I am asleep. She was poorly with chicken pox a fortnight ago and I knew she was scratching before she even woke up.

He must have been engrossed but he did wake you its honestly fine i have a medical condition that causes fatigue once dd1 stopped napping i used to lie on the couch while she watch some tv inthe afternoon .

I think generally most children will wake their parents up before doing anything else!

Also there's a big difference between just 2 and nearly 3. Lots of people talking about stairgates here. We had them too until we realised ds could climb them. Luckily it was the one across his room he climbed, but we quickly took the one at the top of the stairs down, as I was terrified he'd climb that (he's fearless ) and then fall down the whole flight of stairs.

So there's lots of assumptions about what keeps a child safe, that isn't the case for every child. Op knows her own child and I'm sure a quick nap isn't the end of the world. Lots of 2 year old still nap in the day. What's to stop them waking up and getting up to mischief before a parent realises?

Oh op seriously don't feel bad about it at all, people are saying it's fine because it's fine. Yes you fell asleep but I'm presuming doors were locked etc etc. I second that cbeebies nap is a thing. I frequently fall asleep to it with DD (2years) nestled into me. I would wake up in an instant if she got up and began to wander (and if she did she wouldn't get up to much mischief as all the house is baby proofed as I'd assume yours is)

You had a nap. Your child is safe. Mums get exhausted you weren't intentionally putting yourself first you just fell asleep!! Give yourself a break

That being said I wake up to any slight movement next to me, I wake up before she's even left the sofa. If you are a heavy sleeper (like my oh ) just make sure they can't cause any mischief.

Sure your house is child safe already. Postings about an alarm and a safety gate on the bedroom door do seem like very sensible precautions. As to the cartoons, no problem as far as I can see; he probably watched you sleeping for half the time anyway, mystified at what his mum was doing. Hope your tiredness vanishes soon.

Well good for you Xmasbaby How marvellous that you have never fallen asleep, and telling the OP that she shouldn't do it helps her how exactly?

Or do you just like feeling superior?

Do you know the concept of the 'good enough'' mother?

Just as it is bad for a baby or toddler to be consistently let down or neglected by the 'primary carer' (which normally means the mum), it is just as bad for every need to be met instantly and without effort on the part of the infant - it leads to a child who cannot tolerate frustration and who has not learned to make an effort to get what they need. The 'good enough' mother will take care of the babes emotional and physical needs, but is not a slave to them. The child will feel secure that if they are truly in need the mum will be present, but will also learn to work through anxiety and tolerate alone time.

From what you say your parents regularly and consistently failed to meet your need with the inevitable damaging consequences to you. That is a world away from you snuggling up with your DS while you grab 40 winks and then responding positively to his loving requests. Just the fact that he was able to kiss you and ask you to wake up shows how secure he is that you love him and will respond to him. A neglected child wouldn't dare make that request for fear of the inevitable rejection . It sounds like you have painful memories of those feelings.

You seem to be doing a great job. Your son and the baby are lucky to have you.

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I'd just like to reiterate I didn't plan on falling asleep xmasbaby I just wanted to lie down and watch tv with my son. It happened accidentally. My house is safe for my toddler has been since he was born.
Thank you for everyone making me feel better about this. I realise it isn't really the same thing as what happened to me as a child after all your posts and reassurance from my dp. I love my son and do my best to be the best parent I can be for him. I do need to look after myself and at the moment with no childcare options or money for babysitters etc that is going to mean a bit more screen time etc than I would otherwise like.

I fell asleep on the settee once when I was pregnant with DD2. I could have sworn I just closed my eyes for a second, but when I woke up DD2 (aged about 2 and 9 months) had taken all her clothes off and was lying on a towel on the floor underneath the overhead light that she had stretched a long way up to turn on. When I asked what she was doing she replied (in the tone of someone patiently explaining the blindingly obvious to an imbecile) "I am sunbathing on the beach Mummy`'.

We are a family of lily white, sun avoidant vampires Celts so I have no idea where the concept of sunbathing came from, but whenever I watch Olaf singing the praises of summer, I remember that moment.

Not DD2 , it was DD1 reclining under the 60w bulb!

Darling, honestly, IT WAS FINE. Plan to do it more. Set an alarm, shut the door and relax because he's quite safe, just as safe as everyone's toddlers are when they are in bed asleep at night and their children are in another room.

This is not neglect, it's perfectly normal parenting, and I speak as a student social worker raised by a social worker with 30+ years experience in child protection.

When I was pg with dc2 I used to sit dc1 of the floor for show me show me, close my eyes and wake up at the closing credits of mr tumble.

When pg with dc3 I'd drop 1 at school, 2 at nursery and go home and nap. Pick up 2 go home stick the tv on and dose on the sofa then go pick 1 up. It's all about the naps! Sounds like you had a lovely snuggle

I agree with the consensus, its fine. When pregnant with my second and later when I had both of them Id have naps on the sofa with them in the same room and a film on! They'd play and watch Frozen for a few hours while I caught up on sleep. I was so sleep deprived I was downright dangerous, doing things like leaving knives on the kitchen table and tripping over with kettles of boiling water so weighing up the risks decided it was far better I napped while they watched tv than I carried on in a state of exhaustion which was likely to result in someone being injured. As long as the house is safe and they cant wander out the front door/climb into the oven its not something to worry about.

I remember one time me and DD being struck with a horrendous sickness bug, me and her laying on makeshift beds on the living room floor with a bucket each, encouraging 18mo DS to climb the stairgate into the kitchen and grab bags of biscuits and cake for him to eat as everytime I moved the room spun and I kept fainting. He watched Frozen on loop for a full 12 hours, fended for himself and ate utter rubbish but he was fine. You do what you have to in order to get through the many challenges of parenting and I consider it a victory when Ive got everyone through the day alive, fed and happy.

Youre doing a grand job.

Oh god, if it's classed as neglect then I must be the worst mother ever. I used to do this regularly, DD had my phone and played the cbeebies games while I napped on the sofa. She was tucked in behind my legs and I'd wake instantly if she moved. Door was also locked and house baby proofed. We all need a break sometimes and your ds won't suffer for having a rested mummy.