Am I neglecting DS?

[PeppaAteMySoul]

I have mentioned on here before that my own upbringing was chaotic at best which makes me constantly second guess "normal" patenting and feel guilt/ worry when I can't do it right.

I'm pregnant and today have suffered badly with morning sickness and crippling tiredness. It has been a nightmare looking after my two year old. So mid afternoon I lay him down in my bed next to me and put cartoons on the laptop. It was only meant to be for 20 mins or so while I got a quick rest but I ended up dozing off and woke up an hour later with my son kissing me and telling me to "wake up mummy". It feels so wrong to have fallen asleep when he was in my care and I already felt bad about the cartoon watching anyway. (I try to limit his screen time). I feel awful. Is what I did neglectful?

My DD is 3 and quite often she watches cartoons and I doze off with my feet up. I usually get woken by my DD feeding me very tasty biscuits that are made of painted wood so not as tasty as a digestive

You were desperately tired, we've all drifted off at some point. You love your son, and you are putting so much love and energy into raising him. Give yourself a break

I do this all the time, at least once a week! Have done since DS1 was about 18 months. You only doze when the kids are awake anyway and are kind of semi-alert ime.

I did this all the time with my dd when pregnant. She had just turned 2..

We have stair gates and the doors are always locked but I agree SeaCabbageit wasn't great parenting and the falling asleep isn't something I want to do again. I do need to find a way to rest more though because right now I'm on my knees.

Seriously, don't listen to SeaCabbage! How will you get rest if you can't sleep? If you have a stairgate and lock doors, what do you think would happen to your dc? There's nothing wrong with your parenting and the reason you are worried about it is because of your background, but this is nothing remotely near neglect.

That is absolutely fine.

Oh OP, please don't worry, I definitely wouldn't class that as neglect. You had a bit of a kip, he watched cartoons. If he wasn't happy with the arrangement he'd have made you well aware, probably by shouting. Neglect is always putting your own wants and needs above kids - spending your last tenner on booze and fags instead f food for kids, you wearing lateszt fashions and child in illfitting clothes, you having a double bed, child having a matress on the floor etc etc. Having a little nap is totally fine. The fact that you're worrying about it just goes to show what a nice woman you are.

Neglect isn't allowing your dc to watch cartoons. It's not feeding your dc, not taking them to the doctors when needed, it's putting them in illfitting clothes while you can afford otherwise, basically as a pp mentioned it's putting your wants above your children's needs. You needed a sleep, dc was perfectly happy watching cartoons and having a bit of a relax and probably thought it was fantastic that he was allowed to watch tv more than usual! When he got bored he woke you up, nothing wrong with that arrangement.

I am assuming of course that you are sensible enough to either have stair gates or close the bedroom door to stop him escaping. As 2 year olds are generally short, he wouldn't be able to reach the handle of the door. If you don't have a stair gate however, I would suggest getting one, because your dc could go 'floorboard walking' in the early hours and have an accident. As a mother though I am assuming you'd alread risk assessed and put something in place. I really can't imagine a mother, or father either, having the bedroom door wide open and no stair gate.

Op.

Your child is loved, cared for, fed, clothed, bathed, has cartoons on a laptop etc.

It's so far away from neglect that I'd say your child is very very lucky and has a great Mum.
Ignore seacabbage, you nap when you can. As long as there's nothing sharp or poisonous etc and he can't get into the street, go for it.

Plonk Cbeebies or a movie on and have a sofa doze.

OP, you sound... human! Don't beat yourself up, you love your little boy, you weren't putting him in danger and you sound like a great mum.

If it's any comfort my mum fell asleep breastfeeding me at 10 months and woke up to find me on the floor and it didn't seem to do any harm!

Look after yourself xx

Also, one night when I had been very 'unsettled' at 4 months, my mum finally got me off to sleep and put me back in the crib before promptly falling asleep as was knackered. In her sleep deprived state she didnt put me in the crib, but the carpeted floor next to it and covered me in a blanket. She woke up the next morning and had a giggle at me sleeping blissfully on the floor and thought no more of it. Ultimately op, you were tired and the kid was fine. Everything 100% ok and not neglect.

Ignore the one lone voice. If I was you I would plan on doing the same thing every afternoon. You have a gate, so enjoy a nap in bed while the little chap watches some cbeebies.

You have nothing to feel guilty about, stop tormenting yourself.

' I ended up dozing off and woke up an hour later with my son kissing me and telling me to "wake up mummy". '

This made my heart sing.
You sound like a lovely mother xx

You sound like a lovely mum. Pregnancy and looking after a little one is utterly exhausting!

Have you had your iron levels checked? I felt like you when I was expecting my youngest and when I mentioned it to the midwife she checked - my iron was borderline. Floradix, a herbal tonic with iron, really did the trick.

"my son kissing me and telling me to "wake up mummy"."

aaaahhhhh, his little face, his sloppy kisses, his piping little voice, his soft hair on your cheek (I'm totally missing the point here, amn't ?)

Ds1 and I went to bed together after lunch when I was pregnant with ds2. It was a lovely time. We watched the Disney videos after that ( see, I am old?!) while we woke up and recovered. Then we did the park,finger painting and ate some superfoods. Or something like that.

It was all lovely. Both boys are fine.

I think if you are in a safe room (locked in and baby proofed) with your dc then napping is fine, an alarm incase you go to a deeper sleep - this is better than unplanned sleep through exhaustion x

I'm another who would encourage you to do this more. You sound exhausted and exhausted mummies tend to overanalyse and beat themselves up. Be kind to yourself. After an hour or so of sleep you'll be a far better parent in the afternoon. I remember really struggling when my second was born and particularly with feeding and exhaustion and a wonderful gp said to me (when i was heartbroken at breastfeeding failing and contemplating formula) that what a baby/child needs most is a happy, rested mummy. You are doing the best for both of you by prioritising your sleep and sanity.

Plus snuggly tv time is just gorgeous. I love cuddling up with mine in bed on weekends with cartoons on the iPad and the odd face stroke and 'mummy you're snoring' to bring me round

Op, there's 71 messages here, only one thinks you shouldn't consider doing what you did.

You're on your knees tired, that's waaaaaay more detrimental to you and ds, than a kip and some telly in the same room.

I did exactly the same with my 5 year old earlier!

I wouldn't be comfortable with this personally - a 2 year old can get up to all sorts and there's no reason you'd wake up unless he made a lot of noise.

Dc are 2 and 4 and I've been exhausted with them many times but never on the brink of falling asleep. Let him watch TV while you rest, fine, but you shouldn't sleep. That's my opinion, obviously lots of posters are more laid back than me.

Are you with him on your own for entire days? Could someone have him for a bit or can he be in childcare more often so you can get some rest?