have you ever come into contact with a psychopath?

[ollieplimsoles]

Me and dh love discussing psychology and people's traits/ thinking.

I have a strong suspicion that my father is a high functioning psychopath. He's incapable of expressing any emotion other than anger. He is a pathological liar, a cheat, aggressive and manipulative. He's also very grandiose and resourceful, he seems to have no fear and often leaps into things other people wouldn't dare do.

One of dh's uncles also possesses many of the traits.

Aibu to ask- do you suspect anyone?

Thankfully it appears that I'm not a psychopath. (scored 12 on the link from Wally ) but I'm pretty certain my dsis is and so is her DH. They'll do anything as social climbers and are ruthless in using people for their own means (they've been described as 'charm personified') then dropping them when they don't serve any use - that includes her family. They'll use any means at their disposal, lying, stealing, you name it.

LittleFluffyClouds completely understand. Received your PM, looks very frightening. Hope you've managed to move on and doing ok

Should add, the Family Courts made ex have a psych evaluation. (We had to agree to one as well, to get him to go). He was so paranoid about it, he kept cancelling it but they did eventually get him to attend. The doctor said in court in the 30 years he'd been doing his job, he'd never met anyone so paranoid. Diagnosed with Paranoid Personality Disorder. Simultaneously, fighting an harassment case and claiming he was nuts so should have had a responsible adult in the room when the police interviewed (they did but the magistrates were too lazy to check back and took his word for it), he was fighting a second case against me in the Family Courts and claiming he was totally mentally stable therefore able to care for his kids.

In one of those court rooms he must, therefore, have been committing perjury. No-one ever did him for that, either. But the ego of the psycopath means they get away with a lot as they assume they can tell bare faced and provable lies, even in a court of law, and totally get away with it. And he did.

I think there is one in my office.

Numerous affairs with married individuals but never settles down 'properly'.
Grandiose ideas of self importance and seniority at work despite being in a pretty junior role given length of service and age.
Vain beyond belief.
Never shows any emotion, at all.
Supremely manipulative, and also seems to have a very good idea of who this manipulation will work on (not me, so I am treated with a wary but very false and saccharine 'niceness').
Makes 'friends' with those perceived to be a threat i.e. better looking, but again comes across very false.

My ex has a lot of the traits and doesn't seem able to have/sustain real feelings. He once told me he thought he might be a psychopath (I should've listened to him!)

And for comparison I also have nice exes and exes who were just common or garden twats. But once you've seen the real thing there's no mistaking it. There's an air of unreality about them because on some level they're not quite whole, real people.

It's not that unusual really - one American stat is that 1 in 25 people comes up as a clinical psychopath on the Hare scale. So the other day I was queuing for a train with about 75 other people, and it crossed my mind that statistically 3 of them were psychopaths - suppose each of them had some destructive brush with 10 other people which is not that many, that's nearly half the people getting on my train affected. It's not the scary extreme term people think.

Thanks queenbean, don't think it's something you ever really get over but life is a million times better now.

I work directly with someone who is clearly on this spectrum of sociopath-psychopath. He makes my life miserable and despite raising concerns several times with management he always charms his way out of it.

My Step-dad was also just the same. Awful to all of us in the household, spectacularly charming to everyone else.

I'm 99% sure my BIL is, and he's a blinking man of the cloth! Serious God-complex, manipulative, feigns compassion but has none. Thinks he's above everyone. The only true emotion I've seen him express is furious anger. He would be the perfect cult leader. I have NO idea why my sis stays with him, he's awful.

Pike I actually do have some mixed feelings about it (though I got off pretty lightly compared to others here, which is probably why). It has definitely enriched my understanding of the world. And my first novel is going to be a corker...

I took a course with a woman last year who was quite clearly a sociopath/psychopath/narcissist - she manipulated and divided people and was just horrible if you were on her shit list (I was, other course leaders were too) - the worst thing for her was to be ignored. She stropped big time - huge shouty flounces etc Always working behind the scenes to control everyone. Was so glad when the course ended and I didn't have to see her again... Until I saw her name on the list to return again this year :( /deep breath/

Yes an ex of mine, maybe not a psychopath but certainly a sociopath. Hugely successful in his career which is no surprise to me at all, he was always very calculated and driven and I am sure he clambered over many people without a backward glance to get where he is now.

And an actual psycho, yes. Just the one, but one is enough.

I just scored 85 percent on that test

Nope. Know some utter shits, but no psychopaths.

Huppopapa thanks also from me for your insights. Do you have any open-access reading suggestions? About psychopathy or indeed the whole business of mental health labelling and categorisation? Would be good to move towards a deeper understanding.

I dated one for three years in my late teens. I was already depressed before I met him and he ground me down further. Years later I saw a program about psychopaths and suddenly everything made sense. He was genuinely convinced he was massively superior to everyone around him, and therefore completely justified in using people for his own gain. He massively stalked me after I finally came to my senses and got rid of him, eventually backed off when my dad threatened him with the police, but kept trying to get in touch every couple of years for ages after. 20 years on I don't think I'm looking over my shoulder any more.

I never have but coincidentally the other day a friend told me her colleague had once come into contact with Roy Whiting who killed Sarah Payne. Horrid stuff

I think a guy I had the misfortune of knowing was a psychopath. Had the hide of a rhino, no empathy, never wrong, lied, full of self importance, the list goes on.

He's in prison now and extremely angry to find himself there. He honestly thought the judge would take his side .

Name changed for this. Mine is my ex who to this day I'm still terrified of.

He was the most charming, charismatic person when we met - acted so emotionally needy to give him a reason to be able to contact me until a relationship had developed. From there followed three years of sheer hell, physical violence, a forced abortion, multiple affairs, constant emotional and financial abuse. Right up until he met someone else at work who was, by this point, more naive than me and he did me the biggest favour ever (or so I thought) by giving me the spine to walk out on him.

Then he stalked me for two years. To this day I still own a house with him but I'm too scared of having to deal with him to sort it out. This man ruined my life and has left me with deep mental scars I'm not sure will ever heal.

The poor woman who he targeted at work now has a child to him and a mountain of debt taken out for him. Through mutual friends I heard she was going to leave him until she found out she was expecting and he 'told her' she would be staying put. I feel sorry for her but I tried to warn her.

From there followed three years of sheer hell, physical violence, a forced abortion, multiple affairs, constant emotional and financial abuse.

Forced abortion like he forced you to have an abortion against your wishes? (Not you deciding having a child with him would be a very bad, no good idea?)

Slight derail, but as this has come up in another thread, I'd like to know if you think that the medical professionals involved in your abortion (I certainly hope it wasn't he performing the abortion!) could have done anything about your situation if more counseling was legally required, etc., or if you would never have told anyone, anyway.

I hope you manage to get the house/money back.

There seems to be a pattern of psychopathic ex partners here. Its really devastating.

Just goes to show how easily these people can suck you in, and how quickly they change, thats just what my dad was like. My mum has no idea what he was really capable of til me and dsis came along.

I really hope everyone struggling with ex partners can get some closure after the damage they did.

I can bet my right hand on it: Tony Fucking Bliar is one. I haven't met him ever but I am sure he is.

I can bet the reason there are so many is precisely because people don't realise until they're sucked in. Ex-DP's ex tried to warn me, but of course, he was charming and spun me a story and I fell for it. I'm sure lots of others have similar stories. He was very good at painting everyone else as the problem. I'm sure he's busy telling everyone I was the problem in our relationship

VestalVirgin It was a medical abortion, the professionals involved had no idea about my circumstances as far as I'm aware, and they were very lovely during the whole process.

I was days past my 19th birthday when I had the abortion. He had systematically cut me off from my family and friends, I was living miles away from home with no contact with anyone and I'm ashamed to say that I genuinely believed him when he said that without him I'd have nothing, no one and nowhere to go.

He told me to get rid or he'd kick me out, then escorted me to the hospital to make sure I took the first dose of medication so there was no going back. He didn't come with me for the actual process though, he allowed me to ride that one out alone whilst (as I found out when I rang him for some sort of moral support) he had someone back at the house.

He then used 'potential DC' as a weapon of emotional abuse against me as often as he could right up until after I left him. Even after I left he was trying to gaslight me and say he had wanted it all along and I had denied him the opportunity to be a father etc.

Whilst I'm so grateful for not having to ever explain to a child that that's their father, I have never forgiven myself for not having the ladyballs to tell him to get fucked at that point and saving myself a lot of years of grief and guilt.