have you ever come into contact with a psychopath?

[ollieplimsoles]

Me and dh love discussing psychology and people's traits/ thinking.

I have a strong suspicion that my father is a high functioning psychopath. He's incapable of expressing any emotion other than anger. He is a pathological liar, a cheat, aggressive and manipulative. He's also very grandiose and resourceful, he seems to have no fear and often leaps into things other people wouldn't dare do.

One of dh's uncles also possesses many of the traits.

Aibu to ask- do you suspect anyone?

My fathers wife.

A terrifying woman. Had a very sweet outward 'mumsy' sort of persona to the world. Liked to bake, loved animals etc.
Her own children opted to live with their violent father (stepfather for one) rather than her, that's how mumsy she really was.

I have lost count of the animals (rabbits, cats, hamsters, dogs) that she had as pets - none of whom lived more than a year absolute maximum and all of whom mysteriously died in their sleep with no illness or injury. I suspect they were poisoned. This also happened to two of my pets - I never dared own another in their house.

As a child when I came home from school she would blank me. I remember talking to her, and she would continue reading/stare in to space and ignore me. She wouldn't speak a word until my father came home and would then launch into a detailed account of what 'we' had been doing.

A few mysterious things happened including damage to the home (along the lines of Fire, flood and theft). The route cause of these incidents was blamed on me and my siblings but I know she was behind them.

I can't begin to explain how difficult it was as a child to try to convince people of the way she was. I was never believed.
She went on to commit some horrible crimes which she was caught for. I am now NC with her and my fathers family, although maintain a relationship with my father.

I am convinced this woman is a true psychopath; a person who leves truly with no concsience. However, having spent a decade of my childhood trying to make other people see this I find it easier not to think about her at all now.

I've just read the full thread and to everyone who has met these people.
I wish I hadn't opened this thread now - I saw it yesterday and decided not to, and now I have ive started thinking about lots of things I try to forget.

tea

When I think about my sister I really do go down a rabbit hole of all the various horrible things she's done to me. I can totally see myself going NC after our parents are gone, my other sibling is now a citizen abroad, and I wish it were the other way round.

Seeing her/thought of fills me with dread, the worst is the anxiety build up before and the frustration and anger after

Yes, my father. I don't actually refer to him as my father anymore. He doesn't deserve to be called that.

I worked with psycopaths who were detained. Some very charming and engaging men, most were murderers or had committed other terrible crimes (not all psycopaths are criminals, it was just the line of work that I was in). I found that they all had very good social skills, such as remembering your name, good eye contact, relaxed and unforced small talk, and had we been in different circumstances and had I not been fully briefed on their entire history I would have found them perfectly pleasant for a brief chat. As time went on it was easy to spot little aggravations abd bug bears, or topics that they would be fixed on. They weren't all alike, totally different backgrounds and different experiences, but the common theme was that they were all very pleasant to sit and have a trivial chat with.

Not in my personal life but I've had dealings with a few "psychopaths" through my working life. As feathery stated, the majority came across as nice enough people,only 2have made me genuinely uncomfortable, one was a 16 year old boy who was extremely manipulative and a very scary individual who medical professionals are really concerned for. The other was a serial killer who scared me witless but I can't pin point why.

my sister totally ishonestly go NC. I know it's easier said than done but it will make you happier!
Agree with everyone who says thru are always coming across as chatty charming people. I believe this is all a deceptive act to fit in.. And also so people will not suspect them of their crimes ( be it legal or moral crimes)

Psychopathy is really more of a spectrum like most diagnoses.

I did the Hare psychopathy test and came out relatively high, much higher than the average in the population but not as high as someone who would receive a diagnosis according to the book I was reading.

FWIW...I can see why I score highly. I don't feel some emotions such as guilt. I've never experienced guilt and don't really understand it at all.

I don't get upset or squeamish about anything done to people.

However definitely not a psychopath as I'm massively empathetic when it comes to anything done to animals and generally speaking don't harm anyone else (most of the time, the odd exception).

I am as near to NC as I can get

Things like Mothers Day/Birthdays/Easter/Christmas/Weddings make it impossible to avoid her entirely but I'm as good as NC

She stalked my Twitter for a while and texted my Mum over things I was saying that she didn't personally get the reference of, but I think she's bored of that now.

yes, a housemate of mine who was an international student from China and who turned into my friend's (abd therefore mine also) stalker. It was a very scary six months until he was finally deported for pulling a knife on her. Police just laughed it off at first and told my friend to tell him she wasn't interested

Have PM'd you sexlube

Twenty, the same with my stepmother. It was the 1970s, so children were to be seen and not heard. My teachers and GP raised the alarm - both having met her as well as seen what was happening to me - and when Social Services came out they wrote her a nice polite letter in advance, so she was expecting them. The filthy house was cleaned from top to bottom (even the oven which she hadn't cleaned in several years), and cakes were baking in the oven when the social workers walked in.

They believed her schtick that I was a 'damaged' child, who was "making things up" and left, never to trouble us again. It was not only terrifying for me, being left in that situation, but frustrating as I'd been made to look a liar and the GP and my teachers, who had believed and supported me, left with no recourse and no way of 'saving' me.

She would rant and rave (You can imagine the lengthy rant we got when she had to spend several days tidying the house) - but only when dad was out of the building. In front of him, she was sweetness and light.

It was only many years later when I had kids myself, I realised the enormity of it. How could anyone do that to a child who'd just lost her mother, ffs?

My stepsisters had got a load of insurance money when their dad died so could supplement the frugal diet with their own money, if hungry. I had nothing. She refused to buy us clothes and shoes ("To teach them the value of money") but gave us £1 a week in a brown envelope (She said it was the entire Child Allowance, I suspected she pocketed the majority of it though) and we had to save that and buy all our own clothes and shoes. Some things were actually dearer in the 70s than they are now so predictably I wore clothes and shoes with holes in! Again my stepsisters didn't as they had their extra money.

We had a dog we had had after Mum died, and before Dad remarried. She loathed this poor dog with a passion. When I went to uni, the dog was still alive. He got an obstruction eating something from a compost bin (he was probably hungry too) and had to have an operation. I was by then a student on a full grant. She made my Dad send me the entire bill to pay.
I knew if I didn't, my Dad would never be allowed to speak to me again, so I somehow found the money. (Only told my brother this last year and he was horrified. had he known, he'd have paid the bill).

Eventually, we got a house where we could have a dog and I managed to finally 'rescue' him but he had been so neglected for so long that we had to have him PTS - he was literally falling apart.

Over the years she paid a fortune to insurance men and my dad had a low wage but a good pension, so he retired early. All she had ever spoken about for years was how she couldn't wait for us all to leave home, so she could travel and do what she wanted. All my relatives noticed this was her favourite theme - how she couldn't wait to see the back of us (Not just me, her own daughters too). The minute Dad retired they went on endless naff (but expensive) cruises and she really lived it up.

She was a very peculiar woman - never had her hair cut since the 1940s, as her dad had loved to stroke her hair (ew) and made her promise never to cut it. (We always thought Freud would have a field day with her). So her hair was this fuzzy, decades' worth of split ends mess, sort of piled on her head with pins. No-one ever saw it down. Also had BO that could knock out a horse. Very odd that my dad liked her as my mother had been very dainty, pretty and immaculately dressed - she was a big, sweaty mess. Yet turned on the fake charm, flashing her yellow smile if she wanted something. She'd also be convinced men were after her. Once a load of workmen wolf whistled my stepsister and she sat there preening, assuming it was meant for her. She didn't look in the mirror and see what we saw when we looked at her, that was for sure.

for everyone on this thread.

Reading everyone's stories has steeled my resolve with dealing with STBX.
I have been keeping him sweet for the time being as I need to keep him on side, but I've realised I was starting to get sucked back in a bit.
(He's not violent or nasty, just very manipulative, charming & a compulsive liar).

Met Jimmy Savile at fun run when I was seven. Luckily I got away alive. Ekkk

Looking at the list, I think I have.

My OH worked with a man who was utterly charming and charasmatic and had a real 'cheeky chappy' persona. He was also very mysterious, nobody knew a thing about him apart from the fact he worked in the prison service (but no idea what his role was or why he left). He was very good at changing the direction of a conversation, mainly without anyone realising, so any questions went unanswered.....I still, to this day, have no idea what part of the country he landed from (he wasn't local to our area).

The circumstances that dictated him turning up were odd.....he became the boyfriend of a good friend and colleague of mine. She is such a beautiful person inside and out, but has some esteem issues. She met him on POF and he persued her quite aggressively. When they became an item (after the charm offensive, sending flowers to her at work on every shift she worked, taking her to very expensive restaurants etc) he decided that he wanted to spend more time with her (I thought, and still do, that it was to keep an eye on her) so applied for a job in the same setting....in the same department as her ex husband (25 years married, 10 years divorced but still very good friends, a very rare thing!). OMG, this was the worst thing that could happen! He would turn up when his shift finished, 2 hours before hers, and sit in the staff room so he could walk her to her car about 10m away. He would just show up, at any point of the day, and just watch....tell anyone who would listen how beautiful she was. It made me really uncomfortable but everyone else thought it was soooooo sweet that he cared that much

He ended up getting sacked from his job (NHS so not an easy thing to do) as he was caught whispering nasty threats into the ears of dementia patient with a sickening smile on his face. It was not the first, or even second, time he was witnessed to do something like this but he had managed to worm his way out of it by saying that the reporter had obviously misheard what he was saying (and obviously the patients were unable to speak for themselves) and his charm won again.
Following the sacking it came to light that he was sacked from the prison service for breaking the arm of an inmate.

After he left he was, several times, found sleeping in the staff room of his old department and blamed everyone else for his downfall.

OH took pity on him and invited him over for dinner one evening. It was one of the most uncomfortable meals of my life! I had to listen to him bad mouth my friend, claiming she was a nutter that just wouldn't leave him alone. He made veiled threats of violence against his ex colleagues (who OH still worked with) and was vocal on how he would orchestrate it so my friend would never speak to her ex husband again. The way he spoke was just chilling, no emotion or recognition of the gravity of the things he was saying. Thankfully, following that night, OH made the decision not to speak to him again (and hasn't).

I have since moved and have spoken to my friend a couple of times. There has been much fallout since my departure.....she has found he has approx 10 different profiles on several OLD sites but justifies this as him showing an interest in what's going on in the world (watch the fucking news!), he provoked her grown ds into attacking him and refused to have him in the house, she has found evidence that he follows her, he has plastered many, many nasty lies regarding several of his ex colleagues over social media....the list goes on.

I still shudder when I hear 'lovely jubbly' as that was his 'catchphrase'.

I think I knew one. In my early 20's I worked with a guy but luckily didn't see him much as he mostly worked weekends and holidays whilst at uni.

I can usually read people well and was the only person to take an instant dislike to him. He had a higher position of responsibility and the bosses loved him. Charming, ridiculously intelligent but I could tell his nice emotions were fake.

It was weird as he seemed to sense that I knew so would purposely make a beeline for me if I was in the staffroom etc. Like he enjoyed making me uncomfortable. He would keep eye contact but would look through you rather than at you.

The worst was my younger sister did weekends too and he would ask her things he had asked me already like he was trying to catch me out. Told her to stay the fuck away from him.
Eventually he was caught stealing and was sacked. No one understood why he would do it as his dad was very well off and he had money himself, chose to work so it would look good for the future.

He did it because he wanted to. Because he could and to see if he could get away with it. Don't remember his surname luckily so can't google the creepy fucker.

This thread has been fascinating and chilling in equal parts. to everyone who's suffered - these stories are awful.

It's such a compelling subject though (when you're not living with it, obviously). Confessions of a Sociopath by M.E Thomas is one of the most interesting books I've ever read, well worth a read if you're interested in the subject.

I do believe a few members of my family are along the spectrum yes. I'm now estranged from my family for my own well-being and therefore my children's.

I know armchair psychology is frowned upon and I have never really declared my thoughts to anyone, other than dh whom I trust and love.

I have read around the subject but I know that does not make me an expert.

There is something in the eyes. A cold flash. An emptiness. A glazing over. When 'the mask slips' so to speak. It's not anger or even rage. I've seen angry eyes. It's something different and very unsettling.

In my experience one particular person would boil up and up then this look would come in their eyes. Then they would assassinate your character with viscious exactitude. Afterwards when you were hurting and crying they seemed to feel no remorse. But rather, looked as if they'd relieved themselves of a nasty boutique of indigestion.

Conversely, on the subject of animals, I believe some psychopaths are unhealthily obsessed/invested in them. Of course it's natural and right to love and care for your pet but I'm thinking of people who will neglect their own loved ones in favour of the dog.

Hitler was obsessed with his dog. Believed it to be more superior to all humans. I think it's because they can project their own warped superiority onto an animal that doesn't feel guilt or have a conscience like humans do.

I've had cats all my life. I love my little fur balls and yes I think animals feel and love. I could never hurt one. BUT I'm suspicious when people say, 'I prefer animals to humans'.

Fluffyclouds could you pm me the name of your book please? X

Just the one. A teacher. Used to greatly enjoy tormenting his students and any of the staff he perceived as vulnerable. women

Yes. 2 different people but I was working in a psychiatric clinic and young offenders' prison at the time. Made the hair on the back of my neck stand up when assessing one of them. If you're interested in this sort of thing you should read "The psychopath test". The author looks at a number of important people- politicians, CEOs etc and applies the most widely accepted diagnostic criteria for diagnosis of anti-social personality disorder (medical term for being a psychopath) and it's eye opening to see how many of them tick the boxes!

@NameChange Perhaps one safety measure would then be to let women swallow the medication in a cubicle ... so abusive men cannot control that. (Doing some thinking recently on how to safeguard against that sort of thing.)

They weren't all alike, totally different backgrounds and different experiences, but the common theme was that they were all very pleasant to sit and have a trivial chat with.

Interesting. So, then, it is safer to be around unpleasant people?

Okay, probably not, people can be very horrible without being psychopaths.

But from a risk assessment point of view, I find it kind of funny that they're all so pleasant!

There is something in the eyes. A cold flash. An emptiness. A glazing over. When 'the mask slips' so to speak. It's not anger or even rage. I've seen angry eyes. It's something different and very unsettling.

Hmm, could you describe that in physical terms? Is the face completely relaxed (emptiness) or is there some muscle movement?

My DP fits the profile 100%

MN has made me realise just how extreme he is actually. I thought 'all' men were like him, but apparently not.

I've worked for two. The first was female - a greedy, sadistic bully with no empathy. Dishonest and a thief to boot. She used me, took my money and my mental health and hung me out to dry. She had very convincing false charm and was utterly narcissistic.

The second was male. All the characteristic traits. Treated people abysmally.

I'm better at sporting them now. I had a boyfriend who I suspect was a psychopath. I wasn't with him for long, thank goodness.

The ones I've met have been at the top of their industries, with the exception of a distant relation who is a "career criminal" and convicted fraudster/thief with an amazing ability to charm and deceive. He's been in and out mostly in of prison all his adult life.

I don't think I've come across a psychopath (thank goodness, they sound very frightening), but I do think that I've come across three narcissists.

The first was a child, intelligent, charming and an absolutely ruthless bully. They were able to lie so easily and convincingly that they got away with it for a long time. They are the only child that I've felt really uncomfortable around as they presented such a convincing mask to the rest of the world.

The second person was an adult. Again, intelligent, charming and extremely popular. Always the centre of attention with a gaggle of followers. If you crossed them the mask would slip and they would be extremely nasty in a very cold way. I gave them a very wide berth and every so often come across people who have crossed them in some way and ended up utterly bewildered at the person they've glimpsed behind the mask.

The third person is a family member. Very intelligent, successful and given to emailing friends with news of their achievements. They simultaneously have a reputation for being modest which I find hard to understand. They have good qualities too. They like to be surrounded by people and are very brave and generous. The lack of empathy and self centredness means though that they're often "off" in their interactions and difficult to be with if you don't comply with what they want to do.