To wonder who this men are then?

[LovelyLilacWisteria]

I am a long term MNetter, around four years at least. I have name changed because I don't want this to follow me around the boards and I know some MNetters in RL

I am have fairly recently split from a H, have children. I can be attractive-ish, scrub up well, dog rough on the school run and most days in fact, so I am not blowing my own trumpet here.

Since the news got out that I am single, I have received regularly - at least fortnightly - messages from various men I have known over my life time, through work, school, in my social circle etc all of them checking up on me and wanting to find out how I am and how they thought they would just drop me a line to see where life has taken me. Nice enough. Without fail though within a matter of a few weeks/messages these men have tried to push the messages/contact to become inappropriate. This almost always begins in the form of offering me a massage whenever I express that I have been busy or am tired. It is literally like ticking a bingo card, so much so that I have purposely said it and sure enough within a few messages the massage offer comes - it is seemingly the approach of choice for middle aged married men, one that they can push on with if I show interest or stop in its tracks if I tell them its inappropriate i.e. I am being touchy and reading too much into their kind offer or they are joking . More often than not once challenged, they become huffy and borderline aggressive, with one even insulting me and telling me to fuck off. This was a man who had repeatedly offered to call in while going to meetings in my area despite zero interest or acknowledgement from me. If I don't challenge them the messages tend to become more and more suggestive in tone with some actually really shocking ones sometimes - usually late at night.

So what I am wondering is, who are these men? Here on MN there seem to be a lot of women claiming to be happily married or with lovely men and that the majority of men are decent sorts. On FB the same men that are messaging me are splashed all over it with posting about holidays they are on, meals they are going out for, how happy they are etc, photos of them smiling and hugging their wives etc. In RL my married friends also claim the same, when some of THEIR husbands have been the ones who are messaging me! One is even married to a relative.....

So if most men are decent and almost ALL of you and my friends in RL are married to decent, faithful ones, who are these men messaging me in this way?

Nope, why bother looking after your own reputation when the women folk will do it for you, no questions asked ?

Kit, what the fuck is wrong with you ?

What this is really about is men viewing real women, who thought they were friends or at least aquaintances, as porn.

This REALLY hit home for me. It condenses my similar experiences into one true statement, and at the same time horrifies me with its accuracy.

#notallmen and #womendoittoo, naturally - neither of which makes the above statement any less discomfiting.

Ashley Madison had well over a million UK members. No, they won't all have been men but the majority were (the stats are online somewhere) and how does that make it any better that a million married people were actively seeking affairs?

Thank you for your post, Asprilla.

I remember being shocked by something unexpected in Thailand - the ubiquitous groups of 30-ish, intelligent, good-looking, sociable UK men with high-earning jobs and wives/fiancées, all with local 'girlfriends'. I'd kind of expected the sex tourists to be mostly older or oddballs, hippies and stag parties. Not these groups of Really Nice Men, who were ostensibly there for the surfing or for work.

Wisteria, I think a PP had it right when she said you're experiencing the backlog (depressing enough as it is!) and, while it won't stop, it will calm down once the log jam's cleared.

I could be wrong but I think it is likely that the husbands/partners of very attractive women think they have somewhat less power over their partners IYSWIM? And they try to assert it by cheating or trying to cheat

Yes, and intelligent women and feisty women and successful women.....

Who are these men?
I don't know op, but you can take my DH off the suspect list

Kit we've had that kind of bollocks already. Box ticked

Yes, a bit like having a terrible bout of constipation

Pass the spikiest logs and hopefully normal smooth passage will be resumed....

AF

I don't like most men. I admit, I'm a bit of a man hater. All 3 of my male family members have cheated and been abusive, same with male family friends. Tell me, why should I trust a man?

Most men will cheat, it's just sometimes they don't get caught. Even the so called 'decent' family men will cheat to boost their ego and because they can't help themselves.

I'm starting to think that men have far less emotional investment in relationships/family life, thus making it easier to detach themselves and cheat on their partner/wife. I also think that men aren't supposed to remain with one person for the rest of their lives, which is why so many marriages fail.

I've never even had a relatonship (other reasons). I'm 25 and incredibly cynical of men and it's not hard to see why. I already plan to use a sperm donor to have children, because I don't feel I could rely on a man in any way. Plus it will be less damaging to my children than going through at he inevitable divorce/breakup that fucks up so many children, and it's almost always because the men are abusive selfish arseholes/manchildren.

I can't agree with you there, flowers, but I am sorry you have been led to that conclusion. X

kitkat perhaps they don't feel able to share something like this with you for fear of judgement.

Garlicshake, when I wrote it I realised that's why I always felt so bad about myself, because it's just like I was something on tv or a Porn site, a few clicks away, no effort really made, some light entertainment. I am an actual person, with feelings and the moment someone does this to you, you feel immediately like you are worthless. Someone who views you as entertainment doesn't want to think about how it might be making you feel. Or how your divorce/separation has left you feeling. It's predatory to home in on someone BECAUSE they might be lonely and that's why it's creepy

This thread is utterly depressing (apart from blackbirdmilkshake's post, which was very funny!), and I think the harshness to the OP was disgusting.

I feel really, really sorry for her. She didn't come across to me as stealth boasting at all. I thought she seemed very vulnerable and trying to be strong but also horrified and very honest. I thought several posters were absolutely horrible to her.

And the ones that weren't had mostly had similar experiences, which (as I consider myself happily-enough married) is sad and depressing to me.

kitkat
What is wrong with you? It's just not OP who is facing something like this so how come you feel like saying something that nasty ? What a dickhead (sorry MNet)

justfivemin
Sorry if it came across as if I was trying to generalise it to beautiful women only. I totally get hat you are saying

and, btw - they all offer a massage

How oddI have lots of attractive female friends who are not thus plagued. Are you sure someone has not put the word about you are a hooker?

Well if someone had done that and these men who are mostly in relationships are trying it on with a woman because they think she is a hooker, then

What - Does - That - Tell - You - About - Them?

Think about it. Slowly

You must be pretty hot ? It's either you emanate sex or your just live in a place with an abnormally high % of sleaze

Oh god just saw people had been mean OP - sorry sorry for flippant comments - they are cunts basically

Why pay for it when some lonely divorcee might be greatful for a massage

• grateful

Sorry if it came across as if I was trying to generalise it to beautiful women only. I totally get hat you are saying

Not at all. I was just expanding your theme.

Mangomoon dick pic

Actually for me it tends to be the other way around. I get into a relationship and random men pop up out of the woodwork . A lot of exes or ex flings... I've never understood it.

I guess sleaze bags will always find a way to sleaze and maybe see someone who's newly single as being easy prey.