To think it's ok to be naked in front of your teens?

[Blackearlgrey]

DP and I have always been very carefree about nakedness and as our DC (all girls) have got older I have picked up that they're no longer all totally happy about this. Recently this has come to a head with the youngest (18) saying that she really doesn't like seeing her dad wander round without clothes on. He's a bit resistant to changing his habits--he exercises every morning, then puts his sweaty gym kit in the wash, before working his way to the shower in the altogether. Our other two, who are older, are a bit more relaxed about it, in fact the oldest one says she's glad this was our practice, so that she knew from an early age what adult bodies looked like. (I can identify with that, as I didn't know until several years after I DTD for the first time!) I've been happy to try to avoid the DC seeing me without clothes on if it makes them feel uncomfortable, but AIBU to think that as this is our home, me and DP are entitled to live as we choose. NB. No nakedness in communal areas when we have house guests of course.

I'm guessing I'm going to get responses from all parts of the spectrum here, from "It's no problem, everyone in the family gets their kit off at the earliest opportunity" right the way through to "Actually, I have never seen my husband's body with the light on". But interested to see what the overall view is. AIBU?

Agree, that is a good point, Sallying. But as the father of an 18yo you would also have to accept that she would not necessarily want to tell you- and that you could not demand to be told.

We have two teens, and my dh has also always been fine with being naked in front of them. They were also fine with it. We're now at the stage where dd1 (17) still doesn't mind in the slightest, but dd2 (14) really doesn't like it. She asked him to cover up. So now he covers up, because, as a PP said, it's less bother for him to wear a towel than it is for dd2 to see him naked. I have no concerns about any sinister reasons for why she's changed her mind - she's 14, and entitled to do so.

I never saw my Dad naked - all families will have their own way of doing things, but the point is that everyone is comfortable. And I'd put a teenage girl's right to not see a naked man above a man's right to be naked whenever he wants.

Good point sallying perhaps something happened or perhaps she finally found her voice. And are the other dcs really ok or are they just going along with it to keep the status quo? We really know very little about the guy even though there have been 878 messages (including this one). Hope his ego isn't too big. 😅

And I'd put a teenage girl's right to not see a naked man above a man's right to be naked whenever he wants.

This.
I would say it is okay to be naked in front of your teens - as long as your teens agree this is okay.

If they don't, then it is important to show them that you respect their boundaries.

Perhaps you can compromise, if your husband walks around naked during a time where you daughter can stay in her room, then you can ask her to do that, but you shouldn't force her to see a naked man. It's your house, but it is her eyes, and at 18, she doesn't really have a choice - I assume she doesn't have the money to move out.

You want your daughter to expect men to respect her, you have to show her she's a person worthy of having her boundaries respected.

I should think that if you have always had parents walking around naked it is far more likely that you value some privacy.

I think the teen DS has done a quick chat amongst her friends and discovered most dads don't do this -

She's not thought about it before and all her mates are going Ewwwwe!!!

That or she's worried about bringing a boyfriends home

I would think it just misses a generation. Grandchildren won't mind at all but parents are generally embarrassing- especially if they have expectations that children will have the same views as them.
It doesn't follow that if you were brought up with everyone walking around naked that you will want to do the same- it would make lots of people want to do the opposite. (It would me anyway).

I didn't grow up with people wandering around naked but I am quite happy doing it. I stopped when DCs got to a natural age where they wanted privacy. Now they have left home I am back to wandering around naked if we are on our own.
I really can't see the issue- just respect others views- at 18yrs it won't be for long. It is hardly onerous to slip on a dressing gown.

Well you expected a variety of views and you certainly got them. Just goes to show what a prudish lot of people we have in the UK. I can't imagine how anyone would cope on the continent or in Scandinavia. What I take objection to is the idea that people presume that what is practiced in their own home is the norm and that the OP is somehow swimming against the tide. The discussion about " our societies view" or " our culture" etc is bollox. Covering up and being prudish in front of your children ( some of them very young apparently) is not " our culture" thanks very much it's " your practice" so stop with the generalisations. I doubt this bloke is doing this as an oppressive statement in support of the patriarchy but more feeling comfortable in his own space. No doubt he could cover up and no doubt she could avert her eyes for 10 seconds. Stop making this more than it is FFS.

Spirited I lived in Germany so I am conversant with nudity. Dh regularly went to naked mixed saunas (as they are over there). I had no issue with him doing that. I don't like saunas so never went. The women in the changing rooms at the gym saw no need to be prudish about their bodies and neither did the women in the local Bikram Yoga when I used to go. This is a discussion about a father not showing his dangly bits to his DD in this country. Nothing more. I'm really struggling to understand your argument.

Bikram yoga in England

I don't think it is about prudishness - it is about respecting people's privacy.

Actually my argument is not that the dad should be allowed to parade around naked. What annoyed me were the comments of people stating what they considered "normal" based on what "they" practiced in their own home. I'm surprised that people feel the need to cover their perfectly natural bodies in front of 3 year olds ( other poster upstream) but hey ho we're all different. There is also no need to presume that his behaviour is somehow directed at 18 year old in some autocratic, alpha male male. ( again as suggested by other posters). So in conclusion he may either choose to cover up or alternatively she could avert her eyes but in either scenario it's a tiny, trifling issue in the whole scheme of things ( pun entirely intended )

Spirited - I suspect that it is not the norm for parents to walk around naked in front of their children - though it may well be far more normal in Scandanavia. It would be interesting to know what percentage of Britons do take the more relaxed, Scandanavian attitude towards nudity.

I would say that what may be normal here will be very unusual in another society - and people who grow up in and live in one society are going to be mor likely to be comfortable with that society's norms than with the very different norms of a different society.

It would not be reasonable to expect people from one society to be comfortable with very different societal norms.

My understanding of the Scandinavian culture & similar is that they are very open publicly about nudity and don't find it a big deal. This issue deals with a persons nudity in their own home. I don't see any evidence to support a claim one way or another in relation to a UK culture and it's very difficult to judge what's normal for other people when it's behind closed doors. As a consequence I reject in the nicest possible way that British parents are more covered up and assume that you are only calling upon your own family experience? If that is the case then people should be a bit more considered about the sweeping generalisations posted up and down this post. I think it's a shame that nudity is treated in some dirty pervy way and that people can't just say " Well that's not how we do it in our house" rather than assuming the role as mouthpiece of the entire nation. Anyway I shall be conducting a straw poll of my colleagues now since my curiosity is raised!

Ps just a general thought Evilwolfgenius and not a specific attack on your comments which I find very measured. I'm off to think of a better name for myself. 😀

Spirited I don't know how old you are. But definitely in my lifetime, the British culture has been and still is quite prudish about nudity. We only have to look at comedy shows and films from the past 40/50 years to know that nudity has been used in farcical sketches to great effect. We like dark humour in this country and our sense of humour is very different from many other cultures. British comedy parodies cultural attitudes and although times are changing, I cannot imagine the average adult in the UK will have grown up with innocent parental nudity within their homes.

Spritied

It's as if you haven't read or understood the thread at all

The prudish argument is a non starter.

Tell her dad to stop it.

God sakes

Prudish smhrudish.

If an 18 year old doesn't want to see her dad's todger dangling about he should cover it up. Pronto and without grumbling about it.

It's prudish to put covers on the legs of all your tables. It's not prudish not to want to see your dad's cock and balls swinging in the breeze.

And that, I would dare to state, is the opinion of the vast majority of people in this country.

Yes I understood it perfectly thanks. This is what I said about the OP

I doubt this bloke is doing this as an oppressive statement in support of the patriarchy but more feeling comfortable in his own space. No doubt he could cover up and no doubt she could avert her eyes for 10 seconds

I repeated the sentiment in my second post. What I have then done is comment about the number of people who feel entitled to speak for the entire nation eg we don't do this sort of thing because we are British ( I'm paraphrasing here) which I object to. I'm in my 40's with reasonably conservative parents but I still saw them getting into the bath etc reasonably regularly - no big deal. I've also seen plenty of Page 3 " lovelies" and seen plenty of Brits abroad sunbathing topless (- there used to be quite a fashion for that in the 80's and 90's as I recall) all of which leads me to believe that we might not all be buttoned up indoors as you might suspect. However Since I have not canvassed the nation I'm not sure of the reality and therefore choose not to presume. Perhaps other people would be minded to do the same before passing their sweeping judgements

And then you make sweeping statements about what Scandinavian people are like

The one Scandinavian person on this thread explains her perception of this situation.

I grew up in a household just like this and when I got to be a mid-teen it started to make me feel uncomfortable too, I mentioned it to my parents and from then on DF stuck on some undies for wandering around. I would say DH should be reasonable and do the same so DH is BU.

And then you make sweeping statements about what Scandinavian people are like

I thought that was funny as well.

I wondered when someone would come along and roll out the old ''All Scandinavians and Germans wander round naked and how we are all prudes

London you win first prize for getting there first.