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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's ok to be naked in front of your teens?

904 replies

Blackearlgrey · 22/05/2016 08:12

DP and I have always been very carefree about nakedness and as our DC (all girls) have got older I have picked up that they're no longer all totally happy about this. Recently this has come to a head with the youngest (18) saying that she really doesn't like seeing her dad wander round without clothes on. He's a bit resistant to changing his habits--he exercises every morning, then puts his sweaty gym kit in the wash, before working his way to the shower in the altogether. Our other two, who are older, are a bit more relaxed about it, in fact the oldest one says she's glad this was our practice, so that she knew from an early age what adult bodies looked like. (I can identify with that, as I didn't know until several years after I DTD for the first time!) I've been happy to try to avoid the DC seeing me without clothes on if it makes them feel uncomfortable, but AIBU to think that as this is our home, me and DP are entitled to live as we choose. NB. No nakedness in communal areas when we have house guests of course.

I'm guessing I'm going to get responses from all parts of the spectrum here, from "It's no problem, everyone in the family gets their kit off at the earliest opportunity" right the way through to "Actually, I have never seen my husband's body with the light on". But interested to see what the overall view is. AIBU?

OP posts:
Couldashouldawoulda · 23/05/2016 18:18

My parents used to wander around naked when we were growing up, and DB and I hated it. Please just ask him to respect her wishes. It wouldn't exactly kill him to put some pants on.

frumplstilskin · 23/05/2016 19:02

In this day and age I just don't understand why so much fuss is made about seeing one small part of the human body. A part that half the people on earth are born with.

Because the other half have been made to feel uncomfortable by them.

"in this day and age" Confused

Have cocks changed much recently or what?

kitkat1968 · 23/05/2016 20:12

Get an ensuite

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/05/2016 22:03

An en suite is not going to help in this situation, kitkat - the OP's Dh is stripping off at the washing machine, then wandering through the house starkers, making his way to the bath room.

The washing machine is probably in the kitchen or utility room - so whether or not there's an en suite, the OP's dh is still going to be wandering around naked.

FreshHorizons · 23/05/2016 22:46

Surprised this is still rumbling on or that anyone wants to see their parents naked.

NicknameUsed · 23/05/2016 23:31

I must admit that I find the idea of stripping off in the kitchen rather odd. When I have been to the gym I go into the bedroom and get my clean clothes and take them into the bathroom, then I get undressed and shower. I put my gym stuff in the laundry bin. It gets washed when there are enough clothes to make up a load.

CecilyP · 24/05/2016 00:02

That sounds way too normal, Nickname!

Natsku · 24/05/2016 05:44

I tend to half strip off in the kitchen because the bathroom connects to the kitchen and I can then put my jeans on a dining chair rather than on the bathroom floor.

velocitygir1 · 24/05/2016 06:08

Your dd is now a grown women and if she is uncomfortable seeing her father naked then I think you should take that into consideration.

It's not prudish it is about respecting each other, I had similar with my father and I thought it was somewhat inappropriate.

FreshHorizons · 24/05/2016 06:36

They wouldn't want to see granny or uncle Fred walking around their house naked- why is it somehow different if it is a father? Is it a possession thing- adult guests have to be taken into consideration but she is my DD and so I don't have to show any consideration?

Aeroflotgirl · 24/05/2016 07:46

sallying it's about respect, op dd is rightly uncomfortable with it. It does seem that the father is a bit if an exhibitionist. There are some parts of my mum and dad I would rather not see. His wishes should not trump hers, it is nothing to carry a spare pair of pants or have a robe near the washing machine.

2rebecca · 24/05/2016 08:21

We're like nickname. One run or cycle ride isn't usually enough for a washing load. If clothes are damp they are left on bathroom floor whilst showering and the showerer then graps extra stuff from the washing basket to add to their sports clothes and goes downstairs and puts the washing on when dressed.

AndYourBirdCanSing · 24/05/2016 08:22

Some strange responses on this thread Confused

Your DH needs to respect that his daughter doesn't want to see him naked and put some bloody pants on.

Sallyingforth · 24/05/2016 16:34

sallying it's about respect, op dd is rightly uncomfortable with it. It does seem that the father is a bit if an exhibitionist.

It depends how you define respect.

My parents, my two brothers and I were all comfortable with being naked around the house. We grew up that way and never thought anything about it. Our version of 'respect' was that we never entered a bedroom, bathroom or toilet if the door was closed - because something private was happening there. Outside of those closed rooms we knew that people would be wearing as little or as much as they wanted for comfort.

As for exhibitionists, you can hardly make an exhibition of something that everyone sees every day. To us, a penis really was no different to a finger.

Of course, if my family had always hidden their genitals then I would very likely have been embarrassed by the sudden sight of a penis, just like so many people here. I'm rather glad that I wasn't.

CodyKing · 24/05/2016 17:07

My parents, my two brothers and I were all comfortable with being naked around the house.

OH! So if your ok with it - then everybody else should be! Why didn't you say??

Seriously - She's not happy - it's doesn't make one iota of difference if everybody else is ok with it - which they aren't -

corythatwas · 24/05/2016 17:16

Sallyingforth

"My parents, my two brothers and I were all comfortable with being naked around the house. We grew up that way and never thought anything about it. .... Of course, if my family had always hidden their genitals then I would very likely have been embarrassed by the sudden sight of a penis, just like so many people here. I'm rather glad that I wasn't."

Have you read the OP at all? This 18yo girl did grow up exactly the same way you did and now she does not feel the way you did. Possibly because she is not you. People are different. The question under discussion is not how people ought to be feeling if they live in a certain house but how, as a family, you might deal with finding that somebody does not feel the way you think they ought.

That is where respect comes in. Being able to say "I can see that you do not feel the way I would and in a way that I find difficult to understand, but as you are a member of this family your feelings are also valid". If respect just means agreeing with everybody who feels the same as you, then it's a pretty cheap thing.

corythatwas · 24/05/2016 17:24

fwiw my ds feels very uncomfortable about my religious beliefs. Hearing me at prayer would make him decidedly uncomfortable. Of course it makes me sad, it is hard for me to understand why he cannot feel the way I do. Or at least not feel anything at all. In the olden days everybody went to church whether they actually believed or not. Most societies throughout world history have had some kind of religious ritual, so it seems a pretty natural thing for humans to do. I can't see what the fuss is about. His sister isn't bothered, his father isn't bothered, so why should he be?

Except that he is. And as I can, with relatively little effort, organise myself so that neither of us needs to feel uncomfortable, I don't see why I shouldn't do that. Because it is the kind thing to do.

corythatwas · 24/05/2016 17:28

houseeveryweekend Sun 22-May-16 23:11:42

"Personally i dont think nudity is always agressive or sexual in any context and so i dont believe that anyone has more of a right to not see someone nude than a person has to be nude in their privately owned space."

Personally I think you would have to argue that having to put on a dressing gown whilst walking to the bathroom caused you a similar amount of distress to that caused by the person who did not wish to see it.

I sleep with very little on and would not put anything on if I were alone in the house. But putting on a dressing gown when ds is in doesn't cause me even a moment's unease or unhappiness. Does it make other people unhappy?

Aeroflotgirl · 24/05/2016 18:13

sallying obviously op dd has seen it regularly and is not comfortable with it now, so it's got to stop.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/05/2016 19:53

"My parents, my two brothers and I were all comfortable with being naked around the house."

That's great, Sallying - but the crucial difference between you and the OP's dd is that she isn't comfortable any more. Is it kind of her dad to go on wandering around naked, when he knows she isn't comfortable with it?

Aeroflotgirl · 24/05/2016 20:10

He can be naked al. He likes when she us not around, but when she is, he has to cover it up.

frumplstilskin · 24/05/2016 20:23

My parents, my two brothers and I were all comfortable with being naked around the house.

I like mushrooms Dh has repeatedly said they make him heave but I like them.. I shall go make him a lovely mushroom soup now.

Sallyingforth · 25/05/2016 09:29

Ok, OK. I understand that everyone has different feelings about this. That's why I said that I would probably have a different feeling myself if brought up differently.
I came into this late because I was responding to the general discussion rather than the OP.
All I would say is that if I had an adult (18) daughter who had always been happy with nudity but suddenly wasn't, I would be very sympathetic and want to know why she had changed. Just in case something had happened to cause that.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/05/2016 11:48

That's a very good point, Sallying - and shows a lot more sensitivity to the dd's feelings than her dad is showing, imo!

squoosh · 25/05/2016 12:49

He needs to put his tackle away.

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