To leave my drunk vomiting crying husband to it?

[Whyiseverynameitryinuse]

Husband has been in a grumpy mood (swearing at the sat nav, overreacting to annoyances) all day. This evening he drank a bottle of red wine (minus one half glass I drank) then started on the whisky.

Then he started criticising me. I figured it was mostly the drink and tried not to get drawn, just saying I didn't want to talk about now and leaving the room. Apparently he then drank another half the bottle of whisky.

Next thing I know I hear him crying in the bathroom, so I go up to see if he's ok, and end up patting his back while he throws up. I try to look after him, and then he starts laying into me calling me a 'bitch' etc. I tell him if he doesn't stop attacking me I'll leave. He says that's 'emotional blackmail', then starts insulting me and I leave. The crying starts again, so I go back up. He cries about his (deceased) parents, I hug him,comfort him, he talks about life being too hard and wanting to die. I tell him I love him, and he has lots of friends and family that love him.

Then he starts attacking me again calling me an evil bitch who's ruining his life. I told him to please stop, but he wouldn't, so I said I was leaving but if he needed me to call. He said nobody that loved him could leave him like that and it proved what a horrible person I was.

I'm downstairs but I can hear him being sick and crying. I feel awful, I don't want to leave him suffering, but I don't want to be sworn and shouted at either. I'm terrified he'll hurt himself. Am I being a terrible person staying down here til he becomes less belligerent?

He barricaded you out of your own bedroom where you had been sleeping?? WTAF. I would be furious. Are you ok?

How are you this morning? Did you get any sleep?

He's really abusive op. Shutting you out of your bedroom is absolutely vile and calculated. Alcohol doesn't change people or make them abusive, but it can raise the stakes and allow them to intensify their behaviour. You said he was being shitty to you even before he was drunk. Do not explain this away as being down to the booze.

Hope you're ok OP. Has he surfaced?

This needs to stop. Whether it's the first time or not you can't live like this op

He sounds vile.

I have an alcoholic brother who behaves similarly, he did join AA and was sober for a year, before slipping back into his old behaviour. He is in his thirties living with my aging and disabled parents, they have thrown three beds out after he wrecked mattresses whilst pissed. What disgusts me the most is his arrogance and sense of entitlement when my parents bring up his drinking after these binges. He has been brought home numerous times by the police, who have told my Dad that if they find him in that condition again, they will press charges.

I have told my parents to throw him out, he lives in their home with his long term girlfriend. But they refuse to give up on their son. Personally I think they are enabling him. And that he needs to hit rock bottom before he will realise that his behaviour needs to stop.

OP how often does your dp drink like this? Is he often an abusive drunk? If he is then i would seriously consider leaving him, like my brother your dp will not realise how bad things have got until he has hit rock bottom. Is your dp recently bereaved? If yes and his response to this bereavement is to regularly drink himself into a stuper, then he needs to get counselling and pour any alcohol down the sink. Alcohol can only temporarily numb the pain, he is only delaying the inevitable.

Regardless of the above, your dp was incredibly abusive to you, he needs to be made aware of his behaviour. He should be begging for your forgiveness. I would be making sure that I leave the house until this evening. He needs to be panicking uhh hey

He sounds like a shit. Hope you feel better than he does this morning.

I hope you are OK x

Please be kind to yourself, go out today without him and let him sort himself out...hope you got some sleep...what a bastard. You sound too nice for him.

Hope you are OK.
He won't remember anything after the whiskey, you need to remind him of everything.

Hope you are ok xx

I hope you are okay OP. I am worried about you. There is no excuse for his behaviour. We all feel sad sometimes. Taking it out on other people is not on. We all have the choice to drink or not. We are still "us" when we drink. Again, no excuse. IMHO none of this is about you, it is all about him. He is creating all this, not you. You can tie yourself in knots and tippy toe around, but you are not responsible for his behaviour. If this is typical, I really would LTB (first time, I have ever said that on Mumsnet.)

Just going on your thread title alone - yes, leave him to it. I've no patience myself with out of control drunks - he can wake up in his mess and clear it too.
On reading the whole post - just leave him. He is abusive to you, he 'doesn't care what you want', he BARRICADES (!!!!) you out of your own bedroom. This is not normal behaviour.
Wishing you all the very best

Hope you're ok this morning OP

OP your husband sounds like a self pitying arsehole you have gone way beyond the call of duty.

Yes, go out today if you can, to see people you care about. If you can stay away for a few days then do that.

I'll be honest (experience of family members with substance abuse problems) - you will probably save yourself a lot of grief if you cut your losses now.

At the very least, you need to think about gradually taking practical steps to ensure that it is possible to leave if you need to. Money in a separate personal account, make sure you have access to important paperwork, etc.

If my DH had just overdone it with the booze I'd feel sorry for him. Who hasn't been there? But the verbal abuse and then to barricade you out the room is a whole other set of issues. This is verbal and emotional abuse.

Don't let him blame the booze. My DH has had pretty severe depression and if he ever got drunk his sadness would be reflected towards himself...never, not once did he lag into me

Sounds horrendous OP. Hope you are ok this morning.

I wouldn't be able to look at my DH in the same way ever again if he behaved like yours has. All respect would be gone.

And I also would never be able to forget the nastiness. He might be depressed. He was obv very drunk. But that nastiness came from somewhere. The drink brought it out but it was already there.

Hope you are ok OP. I hope he has woken up in a better mood and you can get to the bottom of his behaviour. If he hasn't I'd pack a bag and leave.

Hope you are OK this morning OP. Whatever he is struggling with, you need to make it clear to him that calling you names and swearing at you and barricading you out of your own bedroom, is NOT acceptable behaviour.

What a horrible experience. Hope you're okay op.

Thank fuck some sensible people came along

Some of the early replies on this thread are horrendous examples of promoting doormat behaviour and colluding with the abuse of op

Op, your husband has acted like a piece of shit. I don't expect it is the first time but it certainly won't be the last if you keep pandering to it.

Just wanted to add the posts saying this is not on, I have been in a similar situation to you op and it was horrible. Don't let him make you think you're in the wrong - you are not.

for you.