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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave my drunk vomiting crying husband to it?

558 replies

Whyiseverynameitryinuse · 22/05/2016 01:47

Husband has been in a grumpy mood (swearing at the sat nav, overreacting to annoyances) all day. This evening he drank a bottle of red wine (minus one half glass I drank) then started on the whisky.

Then he started criticising me. I figured it was mostly the drink and tried not to get drawn, just saying I didn't want to talk about now and leaving the room. Apparently he then drank another half the bottle of whisky.

Next thing I know I hear him crying in the bathroom, so I go up to see if he's ok, and end up patting his back while he throws up. I try to look after him, and then he starts laying into me calling me a 'bitch' etc. I tell him if he doesn't stop attacking me I'll leave. He says that's 'emotional blackmail', then starts insulting me and I leave. The crying starts again, so I go back up. He cries about his (deceased) parents, I hug him,comfort him, he talks about life being too hard and wanting to die. I tell him I love him, and he has lots of friends and family that love him.

Then he starts attacking me again calling me an evil bitch who's ruining his life. I told him to please stop, but he wouldn't, so I said I was leaving but if he needed me to call. He said nobody that loved him could leave him like that and it proved what a horrible person I was.

I'm downstairs but I can hear him being sick and crying. I feel awful, I don't want to leave him suffering, but I don't want to be sworn and shouted at either. I'm terrified he'll hurt himself. Am I being a terrible person staying down here til he becomes less belligerent?

OP posts:
LyndaNotLinda · 22/05/2016 07:16

I would have gone to a hotel and left the mucky shit to it.

And Janecc - you're really advocating that the OP tiptoes round her husband and puts up with days of verbal abuse in case he hits her? Really?! Fuck that.

MardleBum · 22/05/2016 07:16

Did you record him on your phone during this nasty abusive and embarrassing self-pity fest? Because you should have. I imagine that works wonders when played back a day or two later.

pilates · 22/05/2016 07:19

Sounds like he needs some professional help.

Does he suffer with depression?

Not excusing his behaviour though, sounds awful. Hope there are no children involved.

pearlylum · 22/05/2016 07:19

janecc
All you can do is tell him you love him and are there if he needs you and leave him alone to process whatever he is going through. (this will need to be repeated at intervals).

Such crap advice.

GloGirl · 22/05/2016 07:23

How cruel for him to sober up enough to clean himself up and go to bed but how nasty to shut you out of the bedroom Sad

Is this totally out of the norm for him?

Lumpylumperson · 22/05/2016 07:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pearlylum · 22/05/2016 07:28

OP you have just picked up your get out of jail free card with this one. I would grasp it with both hands.

BrienneAndTormund · 22/05/2016 07:28

What a nasty fucker
I bet he's been like this before. I bet he's a nasty fucker when he's sober too. Your 'caring' for him was so sad to read - you deserve better than that.
I really hope you don't have children who are being exposed to this.

CoraPirbright · 22/05/2016 07:33

Oh OP it sounds utterly awful. For him to manage to strip off, do his teeth and then lock you out shows calculated nastiness. Do you have kids? Is this unusual behaviour? Do you have somewhere you can go for the whole of today? Even if it's just a wander around the shops, lunch & a film in town? I think you just need to absent yourself until the worst of this shit's hangover had passed.

Devilishpyjamas · 22/05/2016 07:35

Is this a one off???

If it has happened before then it's time for him to stop drinking whisky & to take some responsibility for his feelings/life.

Everyone is allowed to act an arse one (& to follow with HUGE apology), but his behaviour was so bad last night I'd be very concerned if it wasn't a one off.

PoppieD · 22/05/2016 07:38

Agree with Cora- get yourself out of this toxic environment today- the fucker's hangover will be immense and I have the vague belief that you wil bear the brunt of any shitty self pitying attitude. Hope you are as ok as you can be.

Aramynta · 22/05/2016 07:42

Oh OP. You tried to help your 'D'H and all he did was verbally abuse you.

I hope you can talk about it this morning but if it was me I would be seriously considering my future with a person like that.

jonsnowssocks · 22/05/2016 07:43

What an awful night you've had. I hope you managed to sleep a little. Make sure to look after yourself as much as you're looking after your husband.

Honestly, if he's not contrite in the cold light of day, I'd be kicking him out (even temporarily) whether it's the tenth time or the first time he's done it Flowers

GloGirl · 22/05/2016 07:47

In spite of whether this was out of the norm or not there's no fucking way I'd let him mope around feeling sorry for himself with a hangover. Once he comes downstairs I'd tell him to go back to the bedroom or get out.

Don't have him lying on the sofa and have you creeping round him for the day. Fuck that.

Jitterybug · 22/05/2016 07:51

I hope he is full of apologies today op, what happened last night was not ok, whether he was drunk or not. I'm also guessing he can be quite nasty to you when sober too.

mrsfuzzy · 22/05/2016 07:51

sounds like my exh, it doesn't get better, only worse - i was made to feel it was always my fault/ the kids/ bad weather that he drank so much - marrexit !

DeadGood · 22/05/2016 07:54

He'd better be mighty apologetic this morning.

OP, I'm sorry you are in this situation. You don't seem to have taken on board what people on here are saying. You know that his behaviour is completely unacceptable, don't you? What are you going to do now?

tiredvommachine · 22/05/2016 07:57

What an asshat.

mathanxiety · 22/05/2016 08:02

I was reading this slack-jawed at the advice to offer a blanket in hopes that it would help build your case that you cared about the poor diddums.

The man is a first class prick. It should be up to him to grovel at your feet for the next year trying to make it up to you for the horrible shit he dumped on you tonight, and to make sure he never again drinks like that.

And the pee soaked clothes get washed by him. Do not touch them. If he wets the bed, then he deals with that too. If he won't, then you will know exactly where you stand.

If this wasn't a once off, then I would be seriously thinking about my own future apart from him.

singletonbridget · 22/05/2016 08:06

How long have you been married/known him for? Is this new behaviour, or has this kind of thing happened before?
While drinking nearly a bottle of red isn't that troubling, a bottle of whisky - and then the way he acted afterwards - kind of is.
Any clue what was behind it, esp if he was in a grump all day? Not that it would excuse the way he's been, sounds like you've had a shitty time of it overnight.
If there are no kids and you've a chance to escape the house today and see friends while he deals with his hangover/what he's said and done, I'd take that and give yourself a chance to clear your own thoughts too.
Hope it all goes well, whatever happens.

Meeep · 22/05/2016 08:08

Did his parents die recently? Anniversary?
He has been awful. Don't you dare end up apologising for anything.

JeffFromTheDailyMail · 22/05/2016 08:10

How are you this morning? I hope you get a very sincere apology

KERALA1 · 22/05/2016 08:12

Whatever has happened to him there is no excuse for using you as his verbal punchbag - none.

Nyama · 22/05/2016 08:14
Shock

What a prize turkey. As soon as he called me a bitch I would have been leaving him to it. I'd have locked the bedroom door as well. I really hope this is a bizarre out of character one off. I feel very sorry for you.

froubylou · 22/05/2016 08:17

Hope you are ok OP?

And I hope his head feels like someone is slowly chainsawing it with a blunt blade. Wankerbastard.