Odd incident with colleague

[RainIsAGoodThing]

Last night a colleague gave me a lift home from a talk we both had to attend (I KNOW, on a FRIDAY night).

I've worked with this man for about 2 years now, and we've always got on well professionally. He's about 20 years older than me, married and has a child of about 1.

He often offers me lifts home from work things after hours, because we live reasonably close and I think he has fatherly concerns about young women wandering the streets after dark, etc. Fine. Sometimes I accept, sometimes I don't. Yesterday I did as it was raining

I've had a mild cold for about a week. He definitely knows this as I may have, ahem, mentioned it moaned non stop for the whole week. I didn't take any time off though as its mild and I can't be taking time off for every sniffle. I know some people think you should stay off in order to not spread germs around, but I'd probably face a disciplinary if I took time off every time I was under the weather.

Anyway. So we're driving along, and suddenly I sneeze. Not a disgusting snotty one but a reasonably normal, averagely loud sneeze.

He turns to me deadly serious and says: 'if you give me an illness that spreads to my child, I will fucking knock your teeth down your throat'.

That was that - we weren't far from my house so we said goodbye perfectly normally and off I went. But I've been thinking about it today and AIBU to think that's a really bloody odd thing to say to a colleague you've offered a lift to?!?

Bloody hell!
That must have come as an almighty shock to you.
Give him a very wide berth from now on.

I wouldn't want to be alone with him. I'd be tempted to warn others of this even if it looks like stirring. Tell your supervisor first though.

Weird and intimidating. And over reaction. Sheesh. Babies get colds.

even if this was a joke (which i don't think it was), you can't threaten to knock someone's teeth out as a joke! That's not a joke! That's a threat! You can't say anything you like and go 'just kidding' at the end of it to make it okay. This was not okay in any context, joke or otherwise. Tell HR you want them to avoid any situations where you might be left on your own with this guy again.

I'd be interested to know if he apologises to you, either way i'd keep it to work talk only and say " no thanks" to any offers of a lift home whatever the weather. That would unsettle me to say the least.

I'm glad you're going to speak to someone at work.
It sounds like a horrible experience and I wouldn't want to have more than the bare minimum to do with him after that.

Firstly don't accept any more lift what a horrible man! I would mention it at work too! Vile man!

That sounds horrible. As pp said, I thought you were going to say he made a move on you.

The particular wording he chose though is chilling. It's violent and a complete overreaction.

Please mention it to HR Dept if you have one. You can tell them it's not a complaint, you just want it noted.

I can't see any situation where such a comment would be tolerated. I'm sure he would not have made the same comment to a male in the same situation.

If there were some circumstances where he could not risk his family catching infections he would not have offered you a lift.

Definately no more lifts from this guy and I would be keeping my distance at work too.

Doe his child have a life threatening condition?

It has nothing to do with HR it happened outside of work hours and you have no witness'.

a colleague to avoid in future. Even when it rains ....

The OP said the company is too small for HR.

If a man in my company said this to me in or outside the workplace I'd be reporting.

Id avoid him in future, definately no more lifts.
Sounds really horrible.

Doesn't matter if his dd has a lifelong illness completely out of order to say something like that.

I'm fairly certain not having a witness has absolutely nothing to do with anything. What odd logic

Never. Ever. Be alone with him again

This. I'm so glad you're reporting it OP.

It's needs to be flagged up at work as you must avoid being alone with him again following his violent threat.

How frightening!

Stay away!

Mention casually to a manager to seek their opinion.

It is odd.

You won't be accepting any more rides from him, right?

Did you have an odd feeling from him? Daft question with what he said, but I think if he's made you uncomfortable I wouldn't get a lift with him again. Follow your instincts.

I had to stop working somewhere as the person where I worked gave me lifts home and it always felt weird. Another man from the same place gave elifts and I felt totally safe, it was odd.

Be on the safe side and get a taxi in future. It's not unheard of for people to hurt people they know. Not trying to scare you, just concerned for you.

That's scared me a bit and I trust my gut instincts.

No more lifts. Definitely no more! I was never that bothered about them in the first place!

Thanks all for being so kind.

Do not mention this to your collegues- however, i'd be having a quiet word with my manager. Do not make it the office gossip but i'd want my concerns noting down- and your manager is the person to talk to.

Are you sure it wasn't a joke that just delivered really badly? Does he generally have a really dry sense of humour?

Definitely boundary testing, I would avoid him like the plague but I wouldn't repeat this around the office he can far too easily pass this off as a joke taken badly. Smile, be neutral and avoid, unfair I know but there is very little your manager or anyone can do.

If it made you feel uncomfortable (and rightly so), then it's not funny. Better hope his kid doesn't get a cold in the next week, no telling what he might do !! Next time he offer you a lift say, ' No thanks, I'd rather keep my teeth, thanks'.