Odd incident with colleague

[RainIsAGoodThing]

Last night a colleague gave me a lift home from a talk we both had to attend (I KNOW, on a FRIDAY night).

I've worked with this man for about 2 years now, and we've always got on well professionally. He's about 20 years older than me, married and has a child of about 1.

He often offers me lifts home from work things after hours, because we live reasonably close and I think he has fatherly concerns about young women wandering the streets after dark, etc. Fine. Sometimes I accept, sometimes I don't. Yesterday I did as it was raining

I've had a mild cold for about a week. He definitely knows this as I may have, ahem, mentioned it moaned non stop for the whole week. I didn't take any time off though as its mild and I can't be taking time off for every sniffle. I know some people think you should stay off in order to not spread germs around, but I'd probably face a disciplinary if I took time off every time I was under the weather.

Anyway. So we're driving along, and suddenly I sneeze. Not a disgusting snotty one but a reasonably normal, averagely loud sneeze.

He turns to me deadly serious and says: 'if you give me an illness that spreads to my child, I will fucking knock your teeth down your throat'.

That was that - we weren't far from my house so we said goodbye perfectly normally and off I went. But I've been thinking about it today and AIBU to think that's a really bloody odd thing to say to a colleague you've offered a lift to?!?

I'm sorry, but it's not simply an "odd incident".
The man threatened you with physical violence. That would be it for me - end of any relationship, end of anything whatsoever to do with him and if folk wanted to know why, I'd tell them.

What? Who says stuff like that?? Even said as 'banter' I still would think it bloody odd.

I would be staying well away from him.

I overheard my old boss telling a woman once he would 'rip her throat out'. I changed jobs very soon afterwards...he shocked me that much! He was an ok boss but one hell of a crappy person.

I would have nothing whatsoever to do with him from now on. Far too aggressive, unnecessarily so. If you let this go...silence equals consent.

No more lifts and repeat the conversation to someone more senior- make it clear you don't wish for it to be 'dealt' with, just that it disturbed you and you wanted to tell someone.

That would really freak me out.

I think you need to report this at work, OP, and have nothing whatsoever to do with him again.

I agree with what imperial said.

I had a very vulnerable child who ended up in hospital with every cold. Whilst I occasionally questioned people closely about whether their sniffle was a cold or hay fever (and upset a few people doing that), but despite those extenuating circumstances I have (1) never threatened someone and (2) would not have offered you a lift if I knew you were ill. Maybe I'd have made you sit in the back if particularly concerned for your safety at night.

That was way out of proportion and very scary. I would decline all lifts from now on, tell someone in RL and maybe have a confidential chat with HR.

That's nasty. I would steer clear from him from now on. Stay professionally polite at work but no more lifts or out of work conversations. He sounds aggressive.

Fucking hell

I'd avoid him like the bubonic plague from now on.

Let HR know even though it happened out of work and never, ever be alone with him again!

WTF? Are you sure he wasn't just doing a really good deadpan? DH is a master of the deadpan and has caught me out on a number of occasions. Perhaps your colleague is a fucking nutter, but that kind of aggressive response is just bonkers.

No more lifts and repeat the conversation to someone more senior- make it clear you don't wish for it to be 'dealt' with, just that it disturbed you and you wanted to tell someone.

I'd go with that. It was unwitnessed, so your word against his, and he will know this. But definitely keep all future contact strictly professional and don't ever be alone with him or in a car with him again.

True, Robotic. Obviously I wasn't there so can't tell, but I just doubt he actually meant it, he probably just let his mouth run away off without thinking.

Yep, agree ^
I'd be sure to tell your HR that a colleague has been intimidating and aggressive towards you with no provocation and it has made you extremely uncomfortable.

So he's "fatherly" about young female colleagues walking home in the dark, but when they are in his car he threatens them with violence? What a vile creep.

As a minimum I'd say stay away, don't engage with him, and if he offers you a lift again and is persistent, say "I don't appreciate being threatened with violence when I'm on my own with you, and I don't want any more lifts or any more contact between us."

You would be well within your rights to report to the police or HR.

And he gave no hint of humour in that at all? Jesus. Stay well clear

That is seriously bizarre OP. Avoid this man like the plague from now on!

I have been known to say similar to ill colleagues but very definitely in a jokey way and it has been taken as such.

If you are certain he wasn't joking and trying to be dead pan expecting some sarky quip back then I would probably start with having a quiet word with someone you trust at work in HR or management that whilst you may have taken it in the wrong way but you found it intimidating and frightening

Sorry he was an arse!

Aaargh. I kind of convinced myself I was being over sensitive as we do work in a 'bantering' kind of industry (not sales - but almost - trying not to out myself!). It really is that bad isn't it.

He has mentioned at work a few times that having a baby is a lot harder this time round than it was last time (he already had two daughters who are now not much younger than me). It's not an excuse of course but maybe he's a lot more stressed than I realised? Pent up anger? Don't know.

Thanks everyone. Taken it all on board. Will have a word with one of the supervisors on Monday. We're very small - no HR - but there's a lady I'd be comfortable to discuss this with.

Disgusting behaviour.

Only to echo other posters about reporting

Duckie if that WAS the case there are perfectly reasonable ways/polite ways/jokey ways of expressing that instead of sounding like Vinnie Jones

Avoid. Personally I would log it at my next supervision at work just in case!

Um, what a complete and utter fucking weirdo.

Agree with everyone else, given that this was a lift after a compulsory work thing, I would imagine that HR would be interested in it. I'd make it really clear that you don't want it taken further (if you don't) but also make it clear that any further compulsory work things don't happen with this man.

If those were the words he used, I would suggest that he is a clear risk and I wouldn't be getting in his car or being alone with him ever again. If you have had this cold and moaned to him all week about it, presumably sneezing and whatnot all over the place, then why did he wait until you were alone with him in his car to threaten you in this graphic way?

Nasty, nasty, nasty. If anyone said that to me in jest i'd give them a wide berth, it's horribly aggressive. If you think he was serious - and trust your gut - then I think you're right to speak to your supervisor.