Odd incident with colleague

[RainIsAGoodThing]

Last night a colleague gave me a lift home from a talk we both had to attend (I KNOW, on a FRIDAY night).

I've worked with this man for about 2 years now, and we've always got on well professionally. He's about 20 years older than me, married and has a child of about 1.

He often offers me lifts home from work things after hours, because we live reasonably close and I think he has fatherly concerns about young women wandering the streets after dark, etc. Fine. Sometimes I accept, sometimes I don't. Yesterday I did as it was raining

I've had a mild cold for about a week. He definitely knows this as I may have, ahem, mentioned it moaned non stop for the whole week. I didn't take any time off though as its mild and I can't be taking time off for every sniffle. I know some people think you should stay off in order to not spread germs around, but I'd probably face a disciplinary if I took time off every time I was under the weather.

Anyway. So we're driving along, and suddenly I sneeze. Not a disgusting snotty one but a reasonably normal, averagely loud sneeze.

He turns to me deadly serious and says: 'if you give me an illness that spreads to my child, I will fucking knock your teeth down your throat'.

That was that - we weren't far from my house so we said goodbye perfectly normally and off I went. But I've been thinking about it today and AIBU to think that's a really bloody odd thing to say to a colleague you've offered a lift to?!?

[bringbacksideburns]

Any update OP?

[DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep]

Yikes. I'm glad he just dropped you off. What was the response from the person you spoke to at work?

[hks]

a bit OTT and rude and wouldnt't have taken it as a joke the way he said it with violence added
i have in the past said to my kids if they have have a cold *they better not give it to me"

[Ifeelsuchafool]

He's a knob.

[Vickyyyy]

He turns to me deadly serious and says: 'if you give me an illness that spreads to my child, I will fucking knock your teeth down your throat'.

--

Wow.

I haven't read the whole thread yet, I know you say deadly serious, but is there ANY chance he was joking? I have friends who say things similar (though not as harsh) deadpan but they are taking the piss. Odd sense of humour though.

[powkin]

Your work have a duty of care to all staff on their way to and from work - as this happened after a work event on her way home, on a route normal taken home, it has everything to do with work. The law normal comes in when, say, there's really awful weather and a company tries to force you to make an unnecessarily dangerous commute, or you do lone working and there do not provide adequate safety provisions.The law most definitely applies here.

I would recommend no further contact and to report. You can log this with the police on 101 as well if you want. They won't be able to do anything without evidence but it might be worth it in case it is a pattern.

[Benniehogan]

Ewwww! I would rather his kid be subjected to your cold than to him as an abusive father. He obviously is too familiar with you and thinks he can say anything to you. Definitely NOT a friend.

[Bananamam4]

Odd. I wonder how he would have reacted if you had farted at the same time?

[SapphireStrange]

That is utterly chilling. If it was 'humour' it was badly misjudged and not signalled (by a laugh at the end, or whatever).

I'd report it/log it with someone, just so it's on the record.

[glowfrog]

Rain as a mum currently super sleep deprived and often struggling with my 2 DDs, I have found myself bursting with anger in ways I had never thought possible before... That being said I would never physically threaten someone, even if I felt like it.

And that's another reason to report him. Chances are, he IS struggling. Reporting him may help him get support, though he may refuse him.

You don't need to be concerned, what he said was out of order, but if you ever have misgivings about doing so, tell yourself that it's a cause for concern at the very least.

Good luck, hope it's taken seriously and you're not put in a difficult position.

[Wamaitha1]

Psycho alert! Heed the warning.

[RainIsAGoodThing]

Hi all! Yep, in the end I actually told my line manager who was brilliant about it. She's asked for my permission to mention it in a catch up with her manager (also this man's manager) and I've said that's fine to do.

He's being totally normal and friendly with me. Whoever asked if we work with vulnerable people, no we don't at all so no concerns there (I do some volunteering which I have talked about on MN if that's where the confusion came from ).

I'm not going to be alone with him again.

Thanks for everyone's input.

[SapphireStrange]

Thanks for updating, OP. Good to hear you have a helpful manager.

[Baconyum]

Good to know you've a supportive manager

[mimishimmi]

What a creep. Not only would I steer completely clear of him, I'd do my best to find out whether any women from his former workplaces went missing!

[AntiHop]

I'm really glad to hear your manager was supportive.