Odd incident with colleague

[RainIsAGoodThing]

Last night a colleague gave me a lift home from a talk we both had to attend (I KNOW, on a FRIDAY night).

I've worked with this man for about 2 years now, and we've always got on well professionally. He's about 20 years older than me, married and has a child of about 1.

He often offers me lifts home from work things after hours, because we live reasonably close and I think he has fatherly concerns about young women wandering the streets after dark, etc. Fine. Sometimes I accept, sometimes I don't. Yesterday I did as it was raining

I've had a mild cold for about a week. He definitely knows this as I may have, ahem, mentioned it moaned non stop for the whole week. I didn't take any time off though as its mild and I can't be taking time off for every sniffle. I know some people think you should stay off in order to not spread germs around, but I'd probably face a disciplinary if I took time off every time I was under the weather.

Anyway. So we're driving along, and suddenly I sneeze. Not a disgusting snotty one but a reasonably normal, averagely loud sneeze.

He turns to me deadly serious and says: 'if you give me an illness that spreads to my child, I will fucking knock your teeth down your throat'.

That was that - we weren't far from my house so we said goodbye perfectly normally and off I went. But I've been thinking about it today and AIBU to think that's a really bloody odd thing to say to a colleague you've offered a lift to?!?

[AmserGwin]

Oh my god! You are not over-reacting at all! Did you reply? What was said after that?

[ISpeakJive]

Wonder if he speaks to his partner or child like that!

Chilling

[Yoksha]

I was reading your OP , and I thought he's going to try it on. Imagine my wide open mouth when I read what actually went down?

This is the first time since discovering MN that I've been flabergasted. Be very careful OP.

[horseygeorgie]

There is a saying I've read before on MN - when someone shows you who they really are then believe them. Be very careful around him and speak to someone in HR just so they are aware. That is not something you would even say as a joke.

[0nTheEdge]

OP your first post made my blood run cold! He sounds seriously sinister and I would give him a wide berth and make sure I was never alone with him if I were you. This is not the kind of thing you would say as a joke. Also probably worth mentioning to manager or HR at work incase anything like this has happened with him before or happens in future. You don't have to say it in an 'I expect something to be done about this' way, maybe more of an 'I think you should be aware of this' sort of way.

[helenatroy]

He's not from Northern Ireland by any chance? Grew up there and have heard people say it in what they believed to be jest. No less shocking I know. It's a terrible thing to say to anyone. I for one would be giving him a wide berth from now on. Harsh expression by any standards.

[wolfwhistleme]

Jeez, chilling!

[WalkingBlind]

I agree with the PP that said he will take your silence as consent, glad you will inform a supervisor. Not even funny as "banter" just totally vile, I'd be worried about how he treats his partner

[impossible]

Do not take any more lifts from him. Not many people would find that okay - and if you don't then keep away from him.

[quicklydecides]

I am always shocked when women bend over backwards to excuse men of their appallingly aggressive behaviour.
I utterly disagree with those suggesting it may just be banter.
Fuck that.
Women manage to get through the day without threatening harm to colleagues.
Report his fucking ass.

[Goingtobeawesome]

Did you tell the lady at work?

[loumom]

Extremely weird. Stay well clear.

[Amammi]

Rain he sounds like a guy who is very aggressive and violent - his true thoughts and personality leaked out, probably because he was tired after a weeks work with a baby keeping him awake at night and he let slip his true nature.
Don't be alone with him, don't confront him and don't tell him where you live.
The advice you have received to speak to a colleague is good but be careful that in such a small company it won't get back to him. Just lie low and avoid him as much as you can in future.

I'd ensure work don't allow him access to any of your personal contact info and if you have linked him on facebook etc maybe block him in a few weeks time when the dust has settled.

[MumsTheWordYouKnow]

Is there any news today? That seriously sounds scary and not at all funny. Definitely wouldn't want to be in a car with him again. I think I'd be be tempted to say if offered again to say 'no thanks, not after what you said to me last time' and see how he reacts.

[NameChangeMum456]

I have a pretty dark and dry sense of humour, but this was not in any way humorous to me. It was chilling and I would have been frightened if I had been the OP.

[SooBee61]

This is sociopathic behaviour. Avoid this person from now on as far as possible.

[igglepiggleisanarsehole]

Keep your distance and possibly report it

[GeekLove]

I can understand some people thinking on MN that there seems to be advice to report EVERYTHING to the police but I would since I doubt this is the first time he's done that what with everything else you've said. Go with your gut since only your ancestors who did where the ones with decendent.

[Asprilla11]

As a bloke I'd never ever say that to a woman.

Even with a female colleague, it would have to be one of a similar age, that I am friends with out of work, see socially and we know each others sense of humour very well, over a long period of time.

Even then it would be at worst "an illness that spreads to my child, I'll bloody kill you!" And then laugh as soon as I'd said it.

That very exact phrase to a woman is way, way OTT and just plain wrong. Even to a bloke it would just be wrong!

[a1poshpaws]

Uh - oh. Major danger signal, and you'd be nuts to ignore it. Cut off all contact with him outside of the office and have as little to do with him there as possible. Very scary character.

[GabsAlot]

my gh is deadpan but thats another level-he says things like i'll smack ya in a min then smiles nothing like that

[kaitlinktm]

I would have asked him to stop the car and got out.

no I wouldn't - I always have these big ideas AFTER the event, I would have been too scared

[KatieKaboom]

No way would a normal man speak to a woman that way.

[Eiram49]

You didn't state the nature of your employment- hopefully it's not with any vulnerable individuals as that would be seriously concerning and need to be reported . Having said that, the fact that he thought it appropriate to speak to you, well threaten you in fact is appealing and I would be steaming well clear of him, in and out of work!

[FuzzyScuzzbucket]

He sounds like a psychopath.