To not buy my spoilt niece a birthday gift?

[BumFluffle]

Niece is turning 6 next week, her mother is my sister. N is an only child and is absolutely spoilt rotten by her parents and two sets of grandparents, and I promise I'm not exaggerating. She has a holiday home (the 5 year old), 2 of everything (never understood why) and gets whatever she wants, which is an awful lot. For example, when I got engaged, N wanted my diamond ring. Next day, N has a REAL diamond necklace cos they couldn't find a diamond ring small enough to fit.

I'm not particularly comfortable (financially) and have no DC of my own but have always tried to get her nice gifts. Often my sister will send me a link to the exact gift N wants and then expect smaller gifts to go with it. My problem is though that neither of them appreciate the gifts.

For example, last year I bought N a beautiful set of classic fables. It literally got tossed on the floor with no thank you's from either. Then we were out shopping a few months later when my sister saw the set for sale for a hefty price, only then did she decide to take them down from the top of the wardrobe, covered in dust, and actually read them to N. For Christmas I got her a crystal set that N was apparently desperate for (), upon opening it she proceeded to stamp on it. My sister regularly shares stories with me of 'awful, cheap gifts' others have dared to give her DD and she clearly expects a lot from ppl.

So, i quite frankly don't want to add this spoilt behaviour. I want to quickly get out of the habit of her expecting things from me and I know if I get her a (in her eyes) lesser gift, it will cause drama and if I get her no gift it will cause drama but I just don't want to. AIBU to just give a card?

Just to add, I've also tried taking her out as a treat (on top of the gifts) and she has acted incredibly bratty on every outing, demanding everything in sight. So I don't want to do that again.

I went off piste with my much-loved nephew when he was about the same age. He wanted to be a marine biologist (yes, at six) so I sponsored a sea horse for him at London Zoo. Included in the price was his name on a plaque next to the tank, a year's subscription to the Zoo's magazine and a free ticket for him to visit his creature and see his name.

Unfortunately my sister did not appreciate this so he didn't get to use his ticket. She said it was because she'd have had to buy other tickets for herself and his brother, but trust me, money and time was not the reason.

He didn't get the full benefit of my present so it was a waste of money and intention. Next year, I bought him what she said because I wanted him to have a happy birthday.

He is not a marine biologist. I hold her directly responsible for closing off this career path

young man who spends a lot of time in front of the computer, possibly reddit, maybe student room

And?
Young men can also have nieces.

I would give her a £10 book token and would be having a word with my sister about their behaviour?

How much of a fuck would I give about upsetting Verruca Salt or her mother? Anything between none and not one bit.

I agree that it isn't the kids fault that she is spoilt.

I would get some stuff that your nice will love and challenge your sister.

A box with some nice things from the Poundshop, Water balloons, gardening stuff, a kazoo, or small drum kit.
A messy craft set, putty or slime, modelling sand, anything with lots of glue and glitter.
Most 6 year olds will love these toys.

YANBU to not want to get her anything, but actually not getting a 6 year old, spoiled or not, anything for their birthday seems a bit mean. I would put £10 in a card and buy some sweets with lots of E-numbers in to wrap, so she has something to open, if that is such a big deal to them

my problem is the both of them EXPECTING gifts. Why would you presume someone is going to buy you something just because you're related?

Call me grabby but unless you are in extreme poverty or have specified against, family and friends tend to buy each other presents for birthdays, Christmas sometimes something for no reason at all. My mum was always partial to a box of Lindt chocolate balls. I did well out of her will but no better than my siblings who I suspect didn't shower her with random tat .

If you want to prove a point with sister on her shite parenting, then Voucher. So she could learn the value of money and picking out stuff she likes.

If you want to teach niece what her mother won't, tell her you don't earn as much as her parents and start teaching her to appreciate the thought behind it. Maybe take her to the movies, find something in common about the film you both liked, do a painting/craft project together and have it framed. Teach her to treasure memories and time spent together.

I would get her a sponser an animal or other charity type gift to encourage thinking of others as she has such a lot already. (haha)

How about getting her clothes? Or something else equally practical e.g. learning aids for school or stationery. My default would always be books, luckily my niece and DDs love books. I think something like this says that you have acknowledged her birthday but won't be over indulging her

Buy her a book.

My dd would have loved that present, limited. she wanted to be an underwater gymnast when she was younger. Now she wants to live outside of the city, with lots of animals. I'm thinking the marine biologist idea might have some mileage with her.

"Her grandparents bought it for her in lieu of a savings account and as an easy holiday option for them to take her on."

Sounds like a tax dodge to me.

I have an auntie who kept buying DD "worthy" gifts. DD isn't spoilt, but these gifts were a complete waste of money. I didn't have the heart to tell my auntie, but she is a pensioner and doesn't have a lot of money. Eventually, as DD got older, I managed to gently persuade her that DD would prefer gift vouchers as she was difficult to buy for.

I think you should buy what you can afford if it is on the list. If not give your niece a gift voucher or some money.

I have two sisters, one's children are very spoilt, the other's are fine.

The spoilt children don't value anything because they're given so much and they're allowed just to dump stuff round the house and forget about it.

In addition to which - I live on quite a low income and really can't afford expensive presents for 5 children.

So I give books or DVDs to all of them - nothing more than £10. I've given them other things in the past when they were younger, but as they get older DVDs tend to be a hit - I get something I know they'll like, and books - well I don't think they really want them but they do read them.

I'd just spend whatever you think is an appropriate amount of money on a gift - toys, clothes, vouchers, whatever.

You're not getting a thank you at the moment so there's no point spending lots on 'expected' gifts.

If your Dsis tries to tell you what to buy just say "Oh it's ok i've already sorted it". Repeat ad infinitum.

Take her for a film and treat her to popcorn and a drink - there are limited begging/buying/whingeing options at the cinema.

A good book or two.

A subscription.

If DSis mention what she expects/would like, just say you've already sorted DN's gift for this year.

The holiday home and diamond sound mad IMO. Poor girl. Poor parents, in a few years' time.

thecatfromjapan I thought it was a good present given his interests. A sea horse was the cheapest whole creature you could sponsor that looked appealing - the rest were insects and molluscs. It was £25 then. You could put your £25 towards a bit of a bigger animal like a tiger's fang or an elephant's toenail if you wanted but I wanted him to 'own' the whole creature for a year and because he loved sea horses it seemed perfect.

I offered to take him and his brother and pay for them if my sister couldn't spare the time but she couldn't find a suitable day during the extremely narrow window of opportunity of a whole fucking year.

So why spoil his next birthday? I do confess that I bought him a bottle of tequila with a preserved scorpion in it when he was 15. But that was because I knew he was still interested in animals . He still has it.

That was a passive aggressive act against my sister, but I'm a middle aged woman, not a teenage boy and I'd still rather receive a scorpion in tequila than a photo of a sodding goat.

Just give her something small.
I personally feel like a voucher is a bit... unimaginative, but considering the situation it wouldn't be unreasonable.

Why not buy her a potted plant? I used to love that and I was also a rather spoilt child (until I was about 11 tbh. After that I got a crash course in being the opposite. Now my mum or DH sometimes even remind me to buy new clothes, most of my casual clothes actually are a bit ratty...). Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is that she's a child, it's not her fault!

I'd get her a gift voucher and maybe some small bits from Poundland or similar to open on the day. Or perhaps a nice top or dress like someone else suggested.

Your neice and sister sound like my sister neice and nephew. I dread picking gifts at birthdays and christmas. It is hard to get gifts for overindulged people and they never appreciate it. And I'm always made to feel insignificant for the presents they recieve they are never good enough. Don't fret about it 10.00 to spend is more than enough either in voucher form or set from the book people.

Bowling voucher
Cinema voucher
Soft play

Why are people giving this woman grief? WHO sends out gift lists for their kids birthdays? Entitled much??
If my sister sent me a list for my niece she'd be getting told to fuck off and get a grip of reality. Kids like this surely aren't pleasant to their school friends and peers?

time spent is worth more than any amount of pounds, take her to the park, with a picnic, play games, teach her be part of a team, to play by the rules, take her turn etc,sounds like that might be whats lacking here

I think that makes two of us, Limited. Not sure I could eat the scorpion, though.

I'm incredibly lucky with one of my sisters. She takes the children to theme parks and things like that. I'm scared of heights and a bit anxious generally. I think my children are very lucky to have her as their aunt.

I realise that's a bit random. Maybe the point is that you just don't know what you are going to bring to a relationship with nieces/nephews but it is likely to be something that their parents can't give them - and that is often a really good thing.

I'm a bit sorry for the OP because s/he seems to be stuck in quite a negative relationship with the niece, the niece's mother, the grandparents. It all sounds a bit miserable.

But she might not want to go bowling, to the cinema or soft play.

What's wrong with buying what your dratted sister has specified or giving money? My aunt used to give me a £50 WH Smith gift card every birthday and xmas. It was because when she was young, in fact when I was young, WH Smith was a proper bookseller.

There was nothing I wanted to buy until the year I decided to buy £50-worth of wrapping paper - we do buy a lot of presents . Then I realised that if you didn't spend the money within a year they fucking void it and keep the money. All my cards were void. Fucking thieves. I was told it was in the small print. Who reads the small print on a birthday present?

I tried to ask her to keep her money but she said she wanted to buy me a present. So I go out of my way and buy a newspaper there every now and then instead of my nearest shop. If you activate the card, you can keep WH Smiths from pocketing a 97 year old woman's pension money. She's dead now but unless they change the rules I'm going to be keeping her cards alive for about 10 years to spite them.

Ask her what her favourite charity is and make a £10.00 donation.

Instead of you having to take her out on a treat and deal with the behaviour and the demands, buy tickets for something and give them both to her for your sister to take her out....Nothing too expensive for the ticket but the add ons that your sister will have to chip in might cost her.

You can sit back feeling all generous and you've basically dumped her in it.