To not buy my spoilt niece a birthday gift?

[BumFluffle]

Niece is turning 6 next week, her mother is my sister. N is an only child and is absolutely spoilt rotten by her parents and two sets of grandparents, and I promise I'm not exaggerating. She has a holiday home (the 5 year old), 2 of everything (never understood why) and gets whatever she wants, which is an awful lot. For example, when I got engaged, N wanted my diamond ring. Next day, N has a REAL diamond necklace cos they couldn't find a diamond ring small enough to fit.

I'm not particularly comfortable (financially) and have no DC of my own but have always tried to get her nice gifts. Often my sister will send me a link to the exact gift N wants and then expect smaller gifts to go with it. My problem is though that neither of them appreciate the gifts.

For example, last year I bought N a beautiful set of classic fables. It literally got tossed on the floor with no thank you's from either. Then we were out shopping a few months later when my sister saw the set for sale for a hefty price, only then did she decide to take them down from the top of the wardrobe, covered in dust, and actually read them to N. For Christmas I got her a crystal set that N was apparently desperate for (), upon opening it she proceeded to stamp on it. My sister regularly shares stories with me of 'awful, cheap gifts' others have dared to give her DD and she clearly expects a lot from ppl.

So, i quite frankly don't want to add this spoilt behaviour. I want to quickly get out of the habit of her expecting things from me and I know if I get her a (in her eyes) lesser gift, it will cause drama and if I get her no gift it will cause drama but I just don't want to. AIBU to just give a card?

Just to add, I've also tried taking her out as a treat (on top of the gifts) and she has acted incredibly bratty on every outing, demanding everything in sight. So I don't want to do that again.

memyaslfandaye's suggestion is a fucking arseache. If someone gave me a goat for an underprivileged child they'd be off my charity card xmas list.

Why limited?

I would give her a voucher, let her choose something.

Your sister is setting herself for a world of pain, this behaviour is easy to indulge when kids are small and cute but when you have a 14 year old screaming down the house and throwing tantrums because they can't get what they want then it's a whole different story. Leave them to it.

I agree with Cakecakebaby she is your niece she is 6 and you are the adult and thee aunt not the child`s fault bond with the child and you will see that children learn from adults , ive got a sister like you whom I should say we haven't seen since February because she felt my 8 year old was spoilt because he told aunty that the movie she had bought for us to watch was abit scary it was a 18 rated , aunts are supposed to be friends who laugh and play with you and still tell you off and you still love them reguardless .

Because as memyaslfandaye says, it could be taken as either a nice present or a passive aggressive statement. As she added giving the sister food for thought, I think I can guess her intention, FutureGadgetsLab.

Why make a statement over a six year old's birthday? Just buy the child what she asks for if you can afford it and forget about it. If OP truly thinks the little girl is bratty, why on earth would she want to spend time with her?

Perhaps OP could explain, along with the holiday home and diamond necklace that this child apparently has.

I would get her something that needs time spent on it and then spend time helping her with it e.g seeds etc for the garden, a craft set of some sort.

Sorry, but limited's answer has truly made me laugh out loud.

Seriously, OP, there is another thread on here where a poster is considering binning a friendship because her dd hasn't been invited to the other woman's daughter's birthday party - and a lot of posters think that is completely reasonable. Not me, for what it's worth, but I'm in the minority.

You have recently become engaged. You probably think that you love your partner and s/he loves you. Perhaps you think that you have found a love like no other. A love that gives the world new meaning and life a kind of glowing value.

You're wrong. Your sister is in the grip of a love like no other. Trust me, your sister thinks that she is, finally, in possession of a love that is the key to the meaning of the universe. The person she is in love with is unique: there never has, and never will be, another person, ever, as special as this marvellous, utterly irreplaceable human being.

This is - laughingly and fondly - referred to as PFB-itis on mumsnet. It will pass but you mess with it at your peril.

Go ahead and ignore the birthday. You can even go the whole nine yards and tell your sister her daughter is spoiled.

Your sister may not say anything. But you had better pray that you don't find yourself in a burning car, relying on your sister to pull you out.* She will never, ever forget.

*Joke.

Six Year olds don't really appreciate the value of money, and would consider a big cheaper present more expensive then a smalper, more expensive present.

Therefore, buy her an inexpensive six year old present that she would love - dressing up princess outfit, dolls, playmobil, or whatever the latest craze is. If they don't like it, that's their problem.

In the last few years, one of my nieces has retuned every present, bar one. What happened to the hdays when you received a present with grace, even though you may not like it?!

I would ignore the pre approved gift list and get something you think is nice and you think she would like in a price bracket you can comfortably afford. Six seems a bit young to me for making a stand

I want to know more about this holiday home? Is it an actual villa in foreign climes or just a Wendy house?

I agree with the others on buying some sort of token gift, be it charity/underprivileged benefiting or just an actual token, at least then you've done your bit and there can be no comeback on you and if she acts like a little shit about it, it's not your concern. If they whine to 'outsiders' about it they're only going to highlight their own materialistic dickheadedness. If she brings it up with you and makes out its not acceptable, definitely next year send a card saying you've donated to charity under her name!!

I wouldn't pay money into an account for her, she does not deserve it!

As others have mentioned I would get her a charity gift aimed at children. I have bought books for a school library , baby blankets etc and if she asks why explain lots of kids are a lot worse off than she is! Good luck to her parents when she is a spoilt teenager

I have a similar issue with my DSis's DC. My DC save for ages for something, sell lots of their stuff, do jobs etc finally get it (almost always second hand) then they announce they've been to a shop and bought new the model up/ the complete set etc. My DC now avoid telling about what they're saving for until they have it.

At birthdays and Christmas, the responses vary from is that all I get. Aunty x (rich family friends) gave me 23 gifts, mine isn't as good as Dsiblings or this isn't the one I wanted.

At Christmas DSis had a massive drunk rant at me that I'd treated her DC differently suggesting I'd shown huge favour to one over the other and brought naff gifts. I'd talked at length to them about what they wanted and spent 50p more on the one I'd disadvantaged over the other.

Birthdays coming up and they're getting Amazon vouchers. It's just too painful to spend time and effort on gifts yet I don't want relations to break down and do want to mark the occasions.

Tough call and it certainly takes the pleasure out of things

I would get a charity gift, too. But then, I can be an absolute cunt.

What about an RSPB membership? I genuinely loved it when I was wee. You get a magazine every 2 months with wildlife-themed activities and interesting stuff to read. It's about £20 for a year. A bit more of a 'worthy' gift than sparkly plastic tat, and not pandering to grabbiness.

Get something for your DN, it's not her fault that she is a brat.

My DNieces are the same, a pair of more entitled brats you couldn't wish to meet, but this is their parents' fault, not theirs and their parents are, by their own admission, overcompensating for the fact they would rather be at work and let the nanny raise them.

Lego or Playmobil tends to go down well with 6 yr olds.

Even 6 yr olds who are being raised by well meaning wolves.

There are some craft sets (make your own necklace) in Poundland
and I love the idea of giving her some blank Thankyou Cards.

Her name's not Veruca Salt is it?

I do like the idea of getting a voucher for her to do what she likes with but my problem is the both of them EXPECTING gifts. Why would you presume someone is going to buy you something just because you're related? My sister and I have never spent a penny on each other for birthdays/Christmas. And when does this behaviour end? I get that ppl are saying it's not the 6 year olds fault, it's her mothers, but at what age does she become responsible for her own manners?

I was never expecting N to sit and read her books or polish her crystal set and write me a thank you note but I've never received a thank you from either of them for any gift or day out, not once. I worry if I keep giving in and spending decent money on gifts she doesn't even appreciate, when will it end? And to be honest, I'd rather put that money towards something more useful like food and shoes for myself

She genuinely has a holiday home. Her grandparents bought it for her in lieu of a savings account and as an easy holiday option for them to take her on. And she genuinely has a diamond necklace that I haven't seen since she lost interest in a week after she got it.

I would offer to take her on a day out doing something productive and I have tried it before. I once asked if I could take her to a park for a fairy hunt (not to kill the fairies) it sounded like a fun day but my sister said she would prefer the zoo, so we did that instead and it cost a fair bit. Then the demands for toys and treats in there and of course a gift to open was expected on top of that.

What's wrong with my name btw?

I would do what I do with my nieces - buy a nice dress or outfit from a good quality but not "designer" brand for about £20 (John Lewis, Gap, M&S, Next, Joules, JoJo etc.) Something not too frilly and fussy, but tasteful and reasonably special that little girls like (a tutu and top or a pretty cotton summer dress always goes down well here). Little girls are normally keen on clothes; and if the mum doesn't like it she can change it if it's somewhere like John Lewis - and I don't see how she could object to the gift really - you'd have to be super-entitled to turn your nose up at a pretty £20 outfit from John Lewis or M&S, no? And it's a decent gift that a child would like without looking like you're making a point (as a £10 book token would do, unfortunately).

If you want to get niece a couple of small things to go with it, some sparkly hair slides or ponytail bands go well, and you can often pick them up cheaply in the sales.

We always had relatives who used to give us a particular kind of thing - one aunt would always give us a pretty summer dress each for our birthdays; another always gave us nice underwear like ann embroidered silk slip or nightie. It was their "thing" and we always looked forward to the gifts.

The other thing I often get for children is a book set from somewhere like The Book People - a fraction of the retail cost but classic books.

Id just get her a nice book for every birthday. Its not her fault she is spoilt, its her parents' fault. & why do you have to get so into it anyway? You don't have to buy the gift your sister tells you to, you are a grown woman. Nor do you have to buy into any further talk about which present you bought. You don't want to add to your niece being spoilt, just buy her a book and have done with it. It causes way too much stress on the brain looking at how relatives raise their children, honestly.

I think the other suggestions are better, but I'd be horribly tempted to get her a gorgeous heirloom hardback edition of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and a big bar of Whole Nut. ;-)

YABU.

Just get her anything. If she probably won't like it anyway, you can just buy any old tat or give her cash.
Buy something cheap that could pass off as expensive.
Or an annoying noisy toy. :)

Username makes me think you're a young man who spends a lot of time in front of the computer, possibly reddit, maybe student room. Obviously, I may be completely irrational and unreasonable wrt that.

Something like this:

www.johnlewis.com/john-lewis-girls'-peacock-print-dress-multi/p2401498

and some hair slides (M&S do pretty and cheap ones for younger/tween girls). Job done, nice aunty gift, what's not to like, your DSis would have to be extraordinarily entitled to turn nose up!!

But her a "save a dolphin" or a goat for a third world community!

BestZebbie

Or a toy squirrel!?