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AIBU?

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Original poster

Visiting friend brought a man home.

425 replies

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/05/2016 07:39

Not sure on this one. I live with dh in a little 2 bed. Friend has been staying with us all week whilst in our area with her work. We've had a lovely week. Last night she went out with some other people and brought a man home unannounced.

I feel really uncomfortable about this and also like it's a real cheek! She leaves today. We were going to have a nice breakfast but I dont want to make idle small talk with strangers in my own house first thing!

So... aibu to feel this way and wibu to say something?!

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 21/05/2016 11:42

Just curious as to whether the posters saying "make her strip the bed and put the sheets in the machine" ask your married friends to do this when they stay with you?

I never was in that situation before, but I would totally expect any couple (or man who masturbated ...) to do this without me having to request it.

It's just rude to leave your sperm-stained bedsheets for other people to handle.

Please someone tell me that this is the norm and you don't ask married couples to do this because they offer to do it themselves.

People complain when they have to see a bloody tampon uncovered in the garbage bin, but not just seeing but handling someone else's dirty sheets is okay? Confused

Tell me that it's rude to ask people to put their dirty sheets in the washing machine themselves, and I will never invite a couple.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/05/2016 11:42

"It happened all the time when i lived in shared housing.

This is totally NOT the same thing..."

No, it's not the same, but I had big problems with it when I lived in a shared house as well. The rule was no guests without warning the others, but one girl did bring strange men home. It made me feel really scared tbh and I don't think that's irrational. I know it was only a matter of time until one them would open my door instead of hers in a drunken stupor and of course it did happen. Even if it's a genuine mistake, it's not nice to have a drunk man come into your room when you're in bed.

FlowersAndShit · 21/05/2016 11:46

Brilliant thread. Dancing Grin

VestalVirgin · 21/05/2016 11:47

I'd assume if I had a married couple staying for a couple of nights, they wouldn't shag either. I don't shag when I stay in other people's houses.

Yeah, or that.
I would never do anything that dirties the sheets beyond the usual sweat, skin particles, etc. while staying in someone else's house.

Have had a menstruation accident happen while staying at a youth hostel like place once ... still embarrassed about that. In someone else's home, I think I would have died from shame. Perhaps would have been too embarrassed to tell them and just left the dirty sheets - but I'd never create such a situation on purpose!

TheHobbitMum · 21/05/2016 11:47

I think there have been some over reactions here, I'd be a bit out out but I wouldn't throw my friend out or never speak to her again! I'd probably tease and laugh about it. Obviously if there are kids in the house I'd be less than amused lol

VestalVirgin · 21/05/2016 11:51

Even if it's a genuine mistake, it's not nice to have a drunk man come into your room when you're in bed.

And that's if you are lucky and he isn't a rapist.

It's really rude and inconsiderate.

Of course, you almost always have this problem if you share housing. I once lived in a flat where a man with a rapist mindset had access. (He didn't want his wife to be in a room with other men, probably because he assumed they'd rape her. He ... was rather prone to see young girls in a sexualized way, too) I locked my room door at night.

There's no way I would tolerate having to lock my door in my own home, that is rented or owned exclusively by me.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/05/2016 11:54

Vestal you often don't have a lock on the bedroom door in shared houses (or family houses for that matter). When I first moved in, there wasn't even a lock in the bathroom. It's amazing how many houses don't have one.

EBearhug · 21/05/2016 11:54

It is different in shared houses - but as a random bloke brought back by a housemate once left after helping himself to a couple of purses and a few other small things, (still don't know why people left purses in the communal areas anyway,) I wouldn't be at all happy about it. All may be well this time, but it might not have been.

Still, if she apologises, I'd probably let it go after explaining why I wouldn't want it to happen again.

corythatwas · 21/05/2016 11:55

To be fair, Hobbit, I don't think kids in the house is the only danger: one poster mentioned theft, and I have heard similar stories from elsewhere. I would certainly want to know who was in the house where my wallet and laptop and credit cards lie around unprotected while I sleep.

After all, I don't invite unidentified cold callers in from the street to have free access to my possessions while I go and have a lie-down, and this is actually a very similar situation. The friend didn't know the man, she was drunk so probably not a good judge of character, and while she might think it worth risking her own property for a good shag, risking mine is not quite the same thing.

blublutoo · 21/05/2016 11:56

This has made me laugh! She is probably feeling a bit embarrassed. I wouldn't be too thrilled (and I'm 23!) but it's not the end of the world. And good for you being 'out of that stage' but seriously, not everyone has met the one yet. And you're making out like you're about 10 years older than her. Just make a bit of a joke and say please don't do something like that again. No big harm done

yumscrumfatbum · 21/05/2016 11:57

A friend and her plus one stayed in our flat the night of our wedding which they had attended. DH and I in nearby hotel. Popped home on the way to the airport to find my friend on the settee and the plus 1 in our bed with another guest. Remember feeling a bit shocked by the whole scene and annoyed for my friend who had been ousted to the settee. Said couple ended up getting married though!

blublutoo · 21/05/2016 11:59

corythat I'm not disagreeing with your point about him possibly stealing or something. BUT you shouldn't leave valuables just lying about. There have been burglaries locally to me daily (on the local fb page) where people are asleep and don't even realise that they've been. Car keys stollen and car driven away for example. You should always keep things hidden. You never know who could be in your house. Whether you let them in or not.

corythatwas · 21/05/2016 12:11

blublutoo, do you hide your laptop every time you go to bed? your computer? Both very portable. And how difficult do you think it is for an experienced thief to find things that are hidden? Unless you sleep with everything under your pillow or tucked into a safe chained to the wall, the truth is that there are only so many hiding places in your average house.

If you are burgled, you can claim on insurance. If someone let the thief into the house you have no redress.

blublutoo · 21/05/2016 12:15

I don't own a laptop or computer. I'm obviously not naive to know that people can find things but these particular thieves are working without being caught so just tale what they can see. I keep my car keys, purse, tablet and phone in the bedroom with me.

blublutoo · 21/05/2016 12:15

And the ops dh let him in the house.

dowhatnow · 21/05/2016 12:16

dancing it would be the sofa I would have been annoyed about. At least you can wash sheets.
At least if it is your own sofa you could be a bit more careful than strangers would be.

corythatwas · 21/05/2016 12:16

Yes, I'd be pretty cross with the dh too, tbh.

Flumpnugget · 21/05/2016 13:18

blindsider one can only imagine at quite how pursed people's lips are whilst reading this thread! Cat bums all around, it seems.

It's. Her. Friend.

Friendships tend to have slightly more of a relaxed tone to them. This incident is great fodder for all manner of banter for years to come. In fact, she could play the mortified card just to wind her up- see how long she can keep it going! Wink

Sex can't always be scheduled for 8pm on a Tuesday evening after Corrie.

Dancingtothemusicoftime · 21/05/2016 13:19

dowhatnow - yes, I know. I am not proud about that though did try and discreetly check for sticky patches at the time while simultaneously failing to cover my lady bits and boobs. I've never looked a Laura Ashley sofa in the same way since Blush. This thread has catapulted me back in time and I am in that Clapham living room with my friend with her Alice-band and Barbour, and me plus the hot one totally starkers. Shock Grin.

x2boys · 21/05/2016 13:37

Did you see your hot one night stand again Dancing ?Grin

DoinItFine · 21/05/2016 13:43

Sex can't always be scheduled for 8pm on a Tuesday evening after Corrie.

Neither can being a rude, inconsiderate cunt to your hosts who have kindly put you up for a week, it would appear.

I'm amused by the idea of people in their 20s for whom sex is such a novelty that pursuit of a possible shag justifies anything.

What is there to slag her about?

Sex isn't embarrassing once you've done it a couple of times, so you'require left with

"Ha ha, remember that time you acted like a total shit to me when I'd put you up for a week! That was hilair! Just brought a stranger to my house in the middle of the night. Ho ho ho!"

I don't care if people fuck in my house. As long as I invited them.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/05/2016 13:51

"I keep my car keys, purse, tablet and phone in the bedroom with me."

So they have to come in to your bedroom to get them? How does that make YOU safer?

Dancingtothemusicoftime · 21/05/2016 13:53

x2boys - sadly not, he virtually sprinted out of the house as soon as he was dressed. Pity Grin. I'm not even sure that I knew his nameBlush. The joys of being a 20-something.

OP, has your guest said anything about it yet?

NashvilleQueen · 21/05/2016 13:59

I absolutely wouldn't give the tiniest shit about it on the basis that it was my FRIEND and, being careful about who i describe with that word, would trust their judgement not to bring an axe murderer into my home.

I wouldn't care that ahe didn't tell me in advance because it would be implied in the terms of our friendship that I trusted her and she could treat my home as her own.

I would take the absolute piss out of her at every possible opportunity thereafter.

Flumpnugget · 21/05/2016 14:00

doinitfine you'd really consider your FRIEND a rude, inconsiderate cunt for getting drunk and bringing a bloke back on ONE occasion?

Wow. Just wow.