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AIBU?

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Original poster

Visiting friend brought a man home.

425 replies

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/05/2016 07:39

Not sure on this one. I live with dh in a little 2 bed. Friend has been staying with us all week whilst in our area with her work. We've had a lovely week. Last night she went out with some other people and brought a man home unannounced.

I feel really uncomfortable about this and also like it's a real cheek! She leaves today. We were going to have a nice breakfast but I dont want to make idle small talk with strangers in my own house first thing!

So... aibu to feel this way and wibu to say something?!

OP posts:
Flumpnugget · 21/05/2016 14:06

I wouldn't care that ahe didn't tell me in advance because it would be implied in the terms of our friendship that I trusted her and she could treat my home as her own

This ^.

splendide · 21/05/2016 14:13

It's so interesting how different people feel about this. I'd think it was quite funny and a bit cheeky but I wouldn't really mind.

DoinItFine · 21/05/2016 14:24

I would consider anyone who abused my hospitality by bringing an uninvited stranger into my home in the middle of the night a rude cunt.

I don't think being drunk or fancying a shag make it less shitty.

I don't want to wake up with strangers in my house.

It doesn't seem a lot to ask of someone who has been staying for so long that they refrain from treating my home as their own private hotel room.

Lweji · 21/05/2016 14:28

It's obvious different people relate to their friends differently.

But, as a general rule, and as a friend and unless there was form both ways or I had been told previously not to bother, I'd always make sure it was ok to take anyone to a friend's home. Day or night, to sleep or just passing by.

Enjoyingthepeace · 21/05/2016 14:35

I would be a little surprised but not judgey in the slightest and would go out of my way not to make my friend feel awkward. We'd probably have so giggle about it tbh.

I read so many threads about unhappy people, and then i read a thread like this and it goes some way to explaining why some people are unhappy. So bloomin' uptight!!

corythatwas · 21/05/2016 14:44

"I wouldn't care that ahe didn't tell me in advance because it would be implied in the terms of our friendship that I trusted her and she could treat my home as her own"

Myess, but surely that implies that she can treat the house as the OP wouldnot that the OP can't complain about anything she does because this is how friend would treat her own home.

At home, I leave cups all over the place, stick pictures up on the walls without much consideration for the wallpaper, leave random items of clothing around and strew the living room floor with exam papers when working: does that really mean that I can do the same in the house of anybody who asks me to feel at home in their house regardless of their standards? And that if they complain they are not a real friend?

blublutoo · 21/05/2016 15:13

To the poster who said about how does it make me feel safer. Well it doesn't. I don't want anyone coming into my home. I'm just doing what the police have currently advised in our area. Why anyone would leave car keys on show baffles me .

ArgyMargy · 21/05/2016 15:27

It's not just rude, it's unnecessarily rude - all it takes is a little text... If she didn't text you because she didn't think to, that's inconsiderate & selfish. If she didn't text you because she thought you'd say no, then that's ultra rude. YANBU.

She's acted like a child, so treat her like a child. Take her aside and explain very carefully why it's not acceptable to bring strangers into a house that is not yours without permission of the owners.

VioletSunshine · 21/05/2016 15:27

I'm old though and expect what I think of as good manners went out with the ark
I'm with you on this, always felt that way wrt manners and I'm only 30 now lol.

It is different in shared houses - but as a random bloke brought back by a housemate once left after helping himself to a couple of purses and a few other small things
Housemates bringing back randoms Confused mine brought back two guys (not for sex, but they were all drunk I think), and ended up telling the one we had a spare room. He turned up one time while I was there on my own, bottle of cider in hand, wanting to see this room. I was such a mouse back then, and thought "okay, show him the room then he'll leave". He didn't Angry.

Lweji · 21/05/2016 15:29

then i read a thread like this and it goes some way to explaining why some people are unhappy. So bloomin' uptight!!

It's just lucky that this man didn't happen to leave with all the valuables he could find at your house.
I'd like to see how happy or relaxed you'd be about it.

coconutpie · 21/05/2016 15:30

Wow, YANBU! You put up a guest for a week and she repays you by bringing some random back for a shag? I would never be inviting her again and telling her that what she did was completely unacceptable.

coconutpie · 21/05/2016 15:32

Lweji - agreed. He could have robbed all their valuables. I would be furious with said friend - although she'd be an ex-friend after this.

Nodowntime · 21/05/2016 15:34

I'd assume if I had a married couple staying for a couple of nights, they wouldn't shag either. I don't shag when I stay in other people's houses.

Why not?

If you discover that all the married couples who stayed with you did shag, what will change?

NickiFury · 21/05/2016 15:34

She's acted like a child, so treat her like a child.

Do people really expect to be able to do this and not to be told to eff off? Confused

And would it really be worth losing a friend over. You know a person you have shared history with and care about?

DoinItFine · 21/05/2016 15:44

I guess it depends how badly you need friends that treat you like shit.

Lweji · 21/05/2016 15:45

You know a person you have shared history with and care about?

I think the key question is how much this other person cared about you, to the point that they took a random stranger to spend the night at your home without your permission.
(again, depending on your history, but it doesn't seem like it's historically ok for the OP)

KittySnow86 · 21/05/2016 15:47

I wouldn't have even been happy with this as a student. I only lived with boys and one had a habit of wilder nights out than the rest of them. One night I awoke to a drunk man complete with wildly out trying to wee in the corner of my bedroom because he didn't realise it wasn't the bathroom (our bathroom was downstairs). Although we had a polite conversation I was utterly furious with my housemate as it COULD have been very different... Even the fact he may have left a puddle in my room was enough to tip me over the edge. So YANBU. No one wants a stranger's piss in the corner Hmm

Nodowntime · 21/05/2016 15:48

Also, what all this talk about cum on the sheets?People who keep saying that, do you take cum on the bed as an inevitable result of sex? Ok, maybe with a drank random they wouldn't think to chuck a towel on the bed, but then if my friend didn't use a condom having sex with a complete stranger that would set even more alarm bells going for me than her bringing said stranger into my house without checking with me(not on)
Anyway, can't imagine leaving any cum behind in any houses DH and I stayed at, we usually had condom+(our own)towel and tissues/wet wipes. Problem non-existent.

KittySnow86 · 21/05/2016 15:48

*willy not wildly

Rafflesway · 21/05/2016 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goingtobeawesome · 21/05/2016 16:27

No way would I shag in a house other than mine. Can't explain why I think I shouldn't, I just wouldn't. Noise, sheets, maybe.

NickiFury · 21/05/2016 16:46

guess it depends how badly you need friends that treat you like shit.

Or how intolerant you are of a drunken error of judgment?

onlyconnect · 21/05/2016 16:51

I just don't get why most people think this Is unreasonable. Not ideal but no big deal surely. Potentially quite funny and good for a story later in life. And nothing bad has actually happened, whatever risk there was, ( very low) it's all turned out OK.

NotYoda · 21/05/2016 16:55

DoinIt

A agree with you, albeit a bit less swearily Grin

NicknameUsed · 21/05/2016 17:00

"I just don't get why most people think this Is unreasonable"

Really? I don't get why you think it isn't rude or appropriate. Are you the friend or are you so lacking in social skills not to see that?

It's taking the piss out of someone else's hospitality. If I invite someone to stay I don't expect them to come back home with a random stranger.

I couldn't care less if any of my friends bring back random strangers to their own homes every night of the week. I don't expect them to do that when they are guests in my house. I don't care for uninvited guests and it isn't up to one of my guests invite people in.

It is totally inappropriate.

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