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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting friend brought a man home.

425 replies

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/05/2016 07:39

Not sure on this one. I live with dh in a little 2 bed. Friend has been staying with us all week whilst in our area with her work. We've had a lovely week. Last night she went out with some other people and brought a man home unannounced.

I feel really uncomfortable about this and also like it's a real cheek! She leaves today. We were going to have a nice breakfast but I dont want to make idle small talk with strangers in my own house first thing!

So... aibu to feel this way and wibu to say something?!

OP posts:
blindsider · 21/05/2016 10:29

CS

No obviously the penis beaker would sort out any additional residue leaving the sheets whiter than a KKK meeting Wink

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/05/2016 10:29

I agree that the situation with DC is totally different. In fact I will be telling my DC that if one of their friends was stuck and couldn't get home easily e.g. missed the last tube, they should bring them home rather than leave them struggle. With the proviso that they let us and the other child's parents know what is happening.

DixieNormas · 21/05/2016 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dancingtothemusicoftime · 21/05/2016 10:40

Oh god, this is bringing back mortifying memories for me. Years ago I was job-seeking in London but was broke and couldn't afford to pay for accommodation while staying there so a uni friend offered me the use of her spare room for a month. She was recently married and she and her DH had one of those perfect 'we work in the City, have lots of dinner parties with fellow young marrieds and a beautiful home just off Clapham Common' existences. They were away for the weekend and after getting rip-roaringly drunk during a night out with friends, I invited a very hot random back to friend's house. We did the deed lots on their sofa and then fell asleep, naked and in a still massively compromising position. I was woken by her shrieks of horror - she and her DH had come back waaaay earlier than originally planned Shock.

Getting myself untangled from my still dozy, stark-naked paramour while friend and her DH just stood there in shock counts as one of the most hideous experiences of my life Blush. Walk of shame doesn't even begin to describe it.

Afterwards her DH reacted in a mildly disappointed way but she was incandescent. I was asked to leave as soon as I had packed my bags and she never spoke to me again. I often wonder where she is now and if she is reading this I hope she will finally forgive me! It was not my finest moment Sad.

Charley50 · 21/05/2016 10:41

Dancing ShockBlushGrin

Periggy · 21/05/2016 10:46

Nooooooo Dancing! Shock I'd have to burn the sofa!

Can't believe she never talked to you again though, that's a bit OTT.

(Is "British it out" not a thing? Have I made a "thing"? Because that would be about the biggest achievement of my week).

x2boys · 21/05/2016 10:50

DancingGrinGrin I went out with a friend got drunk went back to her house to meet her brother as she thought we would get on had a one night stand with the brother ,11 yrs and two kids later we are happily married Grin

Dancingtothemusicoftime · 21/05/2016 10:55

Periggy, the fate of the sofa has troubled me too Grin. It was a very naice one too.

She was lovely but very, very proper. I had successfully hidden my inner tart tendency-to-misbehave-when-inebriated foibles from her as I knew they did not accord with her views, but sadly they were on full and resplendent display on that occasion. I did try and maintain contact but she never responded and in the end I gave up.

To British it out is now my new, must-use phrase - thank you for giving it to a grateful nation Grin.

Dancingtothemusicoftime · 21/05/2016 10:58

x2boys now that's what they call speed-dating Wink - love it Grin

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 21/05/2016 10:59

Txt her tell her ur thoughts i know a cop out but say u didnt want to make her friend feel embarassed dont sit in ur own home n allow it what a cheeky bitch though

blindsider · 21/05/2016 11:04

I am amazed at the number of people saying they would be all right with it. One can only imagine what their own manners are like. Shock

DailyMailFodder · 21/05/2016 11:07

I think it was really rude and I'd be cross about it. I wouldn't care what they had got up to but I would care about a total stranger being in my house.

srslylikeomg · 21/05/2016 11:09

I have great manners blindsilder - really, my mum was VERY hot on etiquette and manners were like a religion! I wouldn't bring a man back to a friend's house without prior permission personally, but if a friend did this I think I'd see the funny side and be glad they felt comfortable enough to do so! After all, a good hostess wants their guests to have a great time and (here's hoping!) she did Wink Wink

DoinItFine · 21/05/2016 11:10

(Is "British it out" not a thing? Have I made a "thing"? Because that would be about the biggest achievement of my week)

You must be a super high achiever.

That would be the biggest achievement of my life.

😁

ChipperCharlie · 21/05/2016 11:13

Dancing am cringing, and I would have been angry too but I wouldn't kill our friendship over it.

Yellowbird54321 · 21/05/2016 11:15

Like others have said, I wouldn't be too impressed with this happening at the age I am now (and with DC's) but when I was younger it wouldn't have been a big deal, in fact I would have been looking forward to hearing all the details from friend in the morning once Mr Random had gone Grin
Am quite Shock at just how horrified and angry some people would be about this and totally Confused about how worked up some are about the sheets - just wash them!

MySordidCakeSecret · 21/05/2016 11:21

ugh that's disgusting!

daisychain01 · 21/05/2016 11:22

Blindsider Grin at the toffee hammer!!

GrumpyOldBag · 21/05/2016 11:22

So what do people who are worrying about the sheets do when they have established couples to stay in the spare room, put up a sign saying "no shagging"??

Leggytadpole · 21/05/2016 11:22

Just curious as to whether the posters saying "make her strip the bed and put the sheets in the machine" ask your married friends to do this when they stay with you?

VestalVirgin · 21/05/2016 11:31

I would have considered this rather rude (but still acceptable) when I shared a flat with three other girls. However, the one who had most visitors at least introduced her boyfriend so that we would know who the strange male in the flat was.

And it is a different situation - if you have a shared flat, you expect that everyone brings their visitors there because they actually live in the flat and have no other place to stay with their boyfriend, etc.

But someone who is a visitor in someone else's house ... nope.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/05/2016 11:32

cory I do get it is rude guest etiquette don't get me wrong (I have when younger and staying at a friends had a man round, but this was after clubbing and my friend invited him! We dated for a few months by the way!) but I just don't see it as more than laughable.

Plus stupid drunken behaviour is just that, foolish but don't beat someone over the head for it!

What I did hate (my story) was this bitch of a coworker encouraging me to get drunk, then inviting me back to her house (you must come, you won't be safe etc whereas I was fine enough to be put in a cab!) then when I was there and got sick (in toilet) she took it upon herself to lead me up to the spare (was so tired) even made some excuse I think about no cab. I'd have waited. I didn't even want to go back to her house only she lived about a 10-15 minute cab ride home! And then the next week despite my apology for sick etc... She bitched about me. This company had a big drinking and socialising culture and I was fairly new so trying to fit in and I'd stupidly drunk too much on an empty stomach after work. I certainly rarely went out with them after that or if I did watched my drinks and then tootled off to meet my own friends/boyfriend etc.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/05/2016 11:34

blindsider I wouldn't be ok with it, but would deduce she was very drunk and due to staying with me had nowhere to go. I'd probably make a joke about her not doing it eg tonight (if she was staying tonight) but otherwise I'd laugh it out.

To be all cat faced bum about it is just a bit daft in my opinion.

Periggy · 21/05/2016 11:40

Well hey - that's just how I roll DoinItFine. (shhhhh I'm totally playing it cool so all the hip kids will like me, omg, hair flick, etc) Grin

Sounds like it was totally her loss there Dancing - any good friend would have seen the funny side afterwards I think, especially since you were clearly apologetic!

LyndaNotLinda · 21/05/2016 11:41

I'd assume if I had a married couple staying for a couple of nights, they wouldn't shag either. I don't shag when I stay in other people's houses.

I'm old though and expect what I think of as good manners went out with the ark :)