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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting friend brought a man home.

425 replies

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/05/2016 07:39

Not sure on this one. I live with dh in a little 2 bed. Friend has been staying with us all week whilst in our area with her work. We've had a lovely week. Last night she went out with some other people and brought a man home unannounced.

I feel really uncomfortable about this and also like it's a real cheek! She leaves today. We were going to have a nice breakfast but I dont want to make idle small talk with strangers in my own house first thing!

So... aibu to feel this way and wibu to say something?!

OP posts:
DoinItFine · 21/05/2016 09:57

A lot of you will need to chill a bit before your DC are teens, when you'll often wake up to a random pair of shoes in the kitchen belonging to someone who needed a bed.

I don't consider my children to be guests in their own home.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/05/2016 09:57

I agree she was rude. You don't invite other random people back when you are a guest without the host's permission. It doesn't matter if it is a random sexual partner or your knitting and crochet club friends - it is not your home so you don't get to give out invitations.

BYOSnowman · 21/05/2016 09:59

On the sheets - we did have to bin some after a visit by a particularly randy couple came to stay for a week. No amount of washing was getting those stains out and there were only so many times I was willing to try.

daisychain01 · 21/05/2016 09:59

that's highly unlikely to happen!

Superfly having been burgled once through a break in , plus having had my favourite watch nicked because somebody decided to invite an unknown person to my birthday party, I have to disagree.

When a person you've never been introduced to is allowed to enter your home, then at the very least you are massively increasing risk,

I am far from a materialistic person but the feeling of violation has never left me. So I'm only giving the op a perspective beyond the immediate annoyance of bad manners.

plantsitter · 21/05/2016 10:01

Really inappropriate. I went through a terrible drinking/random shags stage when I was this age. This is so inappropriate it makes me wonder if your friend is actually all right. I'm not saying people shouldn't have one night stands but this could be part of a self-destructive cycle she's on.

And yes, she should strip the bed. You don't ask your friends to clean up your body fluids.

corythatwas · 21/05/2016 10:02

Superflyhigh I may be very oldfashioned, but I just don't think it is good manners when staying as a guest in somebody else's house to go out and get so drunk you lose your judgment and forget that you are a guest.

I would be definitely Hmm about random man off the street coming plonking himself in one of my bedrooms; can't see why being brought here by drunken guest would make him less random?

I wouldn't break a friendship off over this, no. I wouldn't start a big row. But I would reflect that since most people I know tend to cling onto manners they find important even when reeling and incoherently drunk, she probably did not find my rights as a host terribly important.

StableButDeluded · 21/05/2016 10:03

I'm with chippercharlie on this.
It's her home. It doesn't matter that there are no children, it doesn't matter if he's a work colleague or a random. It's the lack of respect from someone you trust, a friend. She's entitled to feel cross over that. She never said it was crime of the century.
And being cross about it doesn't mean she's sexually repressed or that we are all 'buttoned up'...I personally wouldn't give a monkeys if my friend wanted to dangle naked from the light fitting in a sex swing in my spare room, as long as she'd asked if it was OK to bring someone over FIRST.

LyndaNotLinda · 21/05/2016 10:03

Or his wife Elspeth? I mean if you pull a random when you're away from home, you assume they have a home to go to, so why didn't they go there?

StableButDeluded · 21/05/2016 10:05

I worded that badly, I meant its the OP's home obviously. Not chippercharlies home.

EllenDegenerate · 21/05/2016 10:06

Im sure she'll apologise.

No harm done.

ElspethFlashman · 21/05/2016 10:06

Ooh true Lynda never thought of that.

Eeeewwwww......

corythatwas · 21/05/2016 10:08

Oh and I have teens. They are considerate people, whether drunk or sober. Have no issue with them having a sex life, but want to be told about any stranger staying the night. They don't seem to see a problem with that. Basic manners, in the same way that I would inform them if I was inviting somebody over to stay: they want to know who is in the house before they venture out in a state of semi-undress.

Italiangreyhound · 21/05/2016 10:09

Yanbu. Are you going to say anything to her by message?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 21/05/2016 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

srslylikeomg · 21/05/2016 10:11

If a friend did this it would invoke a raised eyebrow from me at bad manners... but only a teasing raised eyebrow. Sod it, life's too short to get hung up on this kind of thing imo.

NicknameUsed · 21/05/2016 10:11

"Sudden realisation that I will have to wash those sheets."

You would be anyway. Wouldn't you?

I always wash bedding when we have had someone to stay. I wouldn't expect the next guest to sleep in bedding that wasn't clean.

Skittlesss · 21/05/2016 10:13

Has she said anything?

Lweji · 21/05/2016 10:13

I think the OP meant she'd have to handle those sheets.

Suggestions to tell friend to put them in the washing machine and then run the 90oC cycle were good.

daisychain01 · 21/05/2016 10:16

A pair of Marigolds recommended for the sheets Grin

blindsider · 21/05/2016 10:18

That is outrageous behaviour, she should be grovelling this morning.

blindsider · 21/05/2016 10:19

Daisy chain

More likely a toffee hammer Hmm

hollyisalovelyname · 21/05/2016 10:20

She may have had too much to drink and wasn't thinking straight last night.
Hopefully she realises how rude it is this morning.
If she isn't embarrassed ( by her own rudeness) then I wouldn't be inviting her back.
He COULD be a murderer, thief, rapist but probably isn't. Make sure though you can account for all your keys Wink

unlucky83 · 21/05/2016 10:21

YANBU - a male friend who was staying with DP and I did this ...no children etc - that doesn't matter. We were asleep when he got in (been out clubbing) and I never saw her (DP did).
I was furious - it was more you have a stranger in your house and you have had no choice in the matter.
And it is different than a shared house - where you accept people come and go so don't leave personal or valuable things in communal areas - for instance I'd left my purse sitting on the side - it would have been easy for her to slip it in her bag on her way out and never be seen again...
He was a friend of us both - but we never invited him to stay again - not just this but his attitude to her - a stupid slag basically...that made me really not like him. Thankfully he was only there one more night and lived a long way away...

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 21/05/2016 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CharlieSierra · 21/05/2016 10:25

blindsider do your sheets get like that after one night then? Or maybe not as you only have clean tidy sex now you're married?