To think DP has a right to meet a man who is going to be around his young DD?

[MintCakeYum]

DP's ex has a new partner who is going to be staying the night regularly when their DD is home.

They were in bed together when DP dropped of his DD at her house last week.

DP would like to meet the man.

His ex doesn't have a great track record for straight and stable partners (DP excluded).

EX has lost her temper and screamed and shouted that it is none of his business and that she is capable of making her own judgements.

Who is being unreasonable?

It will also flag it up to the authorities if there are any concerns that need to be addressed.
In OP's DP's position it is likely he would be made aware of any concerns re his DD, and safe guarding measures would be put in place.
Sarah's Law is an option for OP's DP and was made law for a reason.
Same for Clare's Law although as a third party I'm pretty sure you need to have a genuine concern to make the application and in that case the info and support would go directly to the mum.
People should be aware that they can make these applications, these laws were introduced to protect vulnerable people from harm.

I think it's funny that last year i read a similar thread only it was the woman asking about meeting the fathers potential new partner.
Alot of posters were saying swnbu to ask to meet them!
Yet, majority are saying this guy is unreasonable
I think if the mother thinks it's going to be a long term relationship then she should introduce him to the father to try to keep things amicable, though he has no right at all to ask her.

I've never heard that saying 'you're talking mince!'
That's brill

Why isn't the child living with her dad? Did he go for custody at all?
Because that would say more to me about how safe and secure he wants his daughter to be.

How bad is your DP's ex, really? You've made her sound so bad that its amazing she got custody of child. Or did your DP not go for custody? Odd if he didn't, since he cares about his DD so much and the mother is violent and involved with drugs...

Whats he going to do if he meets her man? Does he have superpower skills that will tell him if this man is good, or not? Is he going to quiz him about their relationship/whats he going to do if he's told to fuck off and mind his own business?

If the child seems happy and well cared for isn't that the most important thing? You haven't intimated that child is unhappy or neglected

I don't buy this story at all tbh. & I think your DP is far more concerned about his ex than his child but like many women you buy the story that the ex is a crazy bitch, unstable, has unsuitable partners. Funny how so man living saints men say this and YET they chose to create a child with such an unsuitable woman Then when they're apart, spend their time monitoring her life

In your shoes I truly wouldnt be happy with a man so focused on what his ex is and isn't doing - it doesn't bode well for your relationship. Again - if his child is happy and well cared for, not showing signs of instability and unhappiness, then that is all that should matter.

I just know too many women who are labelled as crazy by men, when there's no history of them being unstable at all. & the new partners joining in with all the talk. There's no need for it. You don't have to be your mans' Knightress in shining armour he can fight his own battles, although if he is yapping about his ex 24/7 then it will get on your nerves

If he's that worried he can voice his concerns to the correct services can't he. Somehow, I doubt that he will

Good luck tho OP, you've got this until his DD is at least 18. Thats a long haul.

A parent doesn't have the right to meet someone who is going to spend a lot of time with their child seriously

Of course he should be meeting them not much he can do if he doesn't like them but if he has concerns they need to be reported.

I wouldn't dream of telling ds's dad he has no right to meet a partner of mine who is spending a lot of time with his child and I he wouldn't either, I meet an ex if his when ds starting spending time with her why wouldn't I want to the relationship could potentially become very close, important and influential

I find it strange that most are saying he has no right

And as for those saying how did she get custody it is very rare custody is given to the father even in cases where ss have been involved

Well OP said since having kids she's calmed down. So I'm taking that to mean that the OPs partner knew and still had kids with her?

Enthusiasm He doesn't have a right that's the point.
I reckon if the OP had said 'DP thinks it would be nice to meet him' it would be different.
It comes across as a double standard as PP have said, I bet the OP didn't allow herswlf to be vetted by the crazy ex.

Op, if the break up with the ex I'd recent (as child appears to be young) then you are wise to not rush with your dp.My dh was married to a difficult woman and he's had counselling to help him understand what made him think ex was a suitable match.He was very young but that was not the main reason (mostly a dysfunctional homelife).

Your dp choose his ex at one stage so you should be questioning his judgement rather than looking for failures with her.

You have said she's a good mum.Take it from there.If your DP has concerns then he can speak to professions like health visitor.He's not 'qualified' or unbiased enough to make judgements about the new man.

Have you considered he's keen on knowing what the ex is up too, not just for the child's interest?

Ah,sorry for typos, phone does decide what to type at times!

Oh so it's all about language

What utter bollocks this is about his child and wanting to know (I think a need to know if you are a reasonable parent) who is in your child's life

If ds father said he smeet a partner of mine why would I say no

Needs ....

He has the right to know who is in his child's life

He doesn't, that's the point. Your confusing 'rights' with 'grown up sensible thing to do in best interest of child'
If he went to court clInj g those 'rights' he wouldn't get very far.....

There is clearly animosity.
Whether it's because the ex is a scummy bitch, or OPs DP is a controlling prick, who knows.

I get what you are saying but this isn't about a word being used

How many have pilled in telling op it's none of his business

It is his business if he is a responsible parent and there is nothing to suggest he isn't or he is controlling he is concerned about his child

I know what you mean, but to me language indicates intent.
If someone asked me to do something, I'd do it for them.
If someone told me to do something, I'd tell them to fuck off.

It would be nice for everyone to meet, if that's what they all want. His ex has categorically stated she does not want this, so it's not going to happen and the OPs bf can't demand it.

Who his ex has a relationship with isn't his business. I know if I gave my ex that level of input in my personal life I would never be able to date anyone as he'd veto anyone I was interested in under the guise of "protecting his child".

Well he may not have the right to meet the new bloke but I'd certainly want to meet anyone that was going to be around my ds for any length of time.

Maybe your dp was a bit lacking in tact when asking to meet the new bf? Perhaps he needs a better approach but actually I don't think he's being unreasonable.

Not unreasonable at all, if the relationship is serious, but needs to be approached in the right way so not to come over as controlling.

I would want to meet someone who was going to spend a lot of time with my DC but that is because I am their mother, they are very young and I want to know who they are mixing with & what is influencing them.

Of course it would be impossible to tell from a single meeting if they were violent, abusive or a paedophile but it is about building a rapport with the other important people in DC's life so that the DC can be properly looked after and all issues that arise dealt with as co-parents - & a boyfriend who is serious is effectively in loco parentis at times and therefore is co-parenting.

Does the dad have much contact with the child? How old is the child? How worried is he really? If he is really worried then he should be talking to his lawyer for advice.

If he is a control freak though you need to counsel him to back off. There is a reason separated dads lose contact with their kids and alienating the ex is one reason.