To think DP has a right to meet a man who is going to be around his young DD?

[MintCakeYum]

DP's ex has a new partner who is going to be staying the night regularly when their DD is home.

They were in bed together when DP dropped of his DD at her house last week.

DP would like to meet the man.

His ex doesn't have a great track record for straight and stable partners (DP excluded).

EX has lost her temper and screamed and shouted that it is none of his business and that she is capable of making her own judgements.

Who is being unreasonable?

His ex doesn't have a great track record for straight and stable partners (DP excluded).

hahaha I love these types of comments. Of course "DP excluded."

This should be fun.

Oh, YABU, by the way.

When were you formally introduced?

If she still needs a changing bag, how old is dd?

Don't you think it's odd that she had poor judgement, then great judgment with your dp, then back to poor judgement??

Meeting someone online doesn't make them a danger to his child. Nor does smoking.

OP, how long had you been dating DP before you were officially introduced to his XP?

Violet I'm not with my sons father. And no I don't think it's my business unless the person is dangerous. But I don't even ask him, he could be seeing someone right now for all I know or care.

drip drip drip

Oops Xpost with you Waltermitty

Well if she is genuinely as bad as your ex said she is drug use/ violence why does he keep taking his dd back to that situation?

Is this an informal agreement? Could he go to court and ask for increased contact hours? It seems daft wanting to meet the partner when there is so much other stuff going on in your own words.

So what if he meets the partner will he instantly know if he's a criminal / drug addict just from meeting him?

boobtaper I was just about to type the same. Proper dripfeed, which could have easily been included in the OP. Ex has gone from choosing unsavoury partners, to having a conviction for gbh and allowing drug paraphernalia to be left in her daughters changing bag, all in 2 posts.

And what does your DP intend to do that's going to make a difference?

Formally interview him?

Ask to see a DBS certificate?

Medical history?

Of course he cant do any of those things, so I'm not sure how meeting him is going to help him find out anything about his suitability.

Also, why is your DP's daughter living with a violent Mother?

Is he not more concerned about that??

Personally if I was ever in that situation then yes I would like to meet the other person however there isn't much you can probably gauge from one meeting. Things like this are always so difficult and I totally understand why the X would be wary about a new man/woman around their DC. Unfortunately a lady I worked with years ago had a terrible experience so perhaps that's clouding my judgement.

Over a year before I met exs DP. She dropped the kids off and I said hello.

I have to agree with others though OP - why does the X have terrible judgment with all other partners bar your DP? Did something happen in between her splitting with your DP and having new partners? Not trying to be goady, just trying to understand.

OP we're frequently in bed when the kids are dropped home.

We watch. Netflix up there because the TV is better.

Suppose if ex asked the kids they would say 'we were in bed'. Depends on the slant you want to put on it.

Did DD tell you they were in bed?

How old is the DD?
If she's a teenager it's probably her smoking weed. Why would anyone hide their rizla and chips in someone else's changing bag? A child's? You'd keep it somewhere in the house surely?!?
if it was your DPs business l(which I don't think it is), it's not any of your business.
Don't be that person, just let your DP sort things out with his ex about their DD.

And what would he do if he didn't like the guy, order his ex to dump him?

I'm afraid it doesn't work like that.

Did she get to vet you?
None of his business unless he thinks the man is dangerous or does drugs but how is he going to know that through a meeting?

If all that is true about his ex, I'd be far more concerned about why he hadn't got full time care of his DD.

What's the split between your DP and his ex? Who does she spend more time with?

Did the ex vet you?

Dp hasn't got a right to meet ex's new partner, but if new partner was going to play a significant role in my dc's life, then I would want to meet them and get to know them.

Even if the partner smokes weed, or indeed the mother, what is your DP going to do?

There's a difference between "it would be nice to meet him" and "I need to check he's suitable" - I suspect he asked along the lines of the latter.

He can't stop the relationship. He can apply for increased contact, what does he have at the moment?

Good grief if we were to meet everyone boyfriend OH's DC have been introduced to we'd have to make it a weekly visit

That's true.
Why is your DP more concerned about the boyfriend than about his violent, screamy ex?

Nope, no right at all. I wouldn't actually want to meet my ex's new partner TBH... Bit awkward