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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think DP has a right to meet a man who is going to be around his young DD?

169 replies

MintCakeYum · 19/05/2016 17:31

DP's ex has a new partner who is going to be staying the night regularly when their DD is home.

They were in bed together when DP dropped of his DD at her house last week.

DP would like to meet the man.

His ex doesn't have a great track record for straight and stable partners (DP excluded).

EX has lost her temper and screamed and shouted that it is none of his business and that she is capable of making her own judgements.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 19/05/2016 19:45

Nah, I say again: you're talking mince. Just trying to find a way to justify insulting the majority of the posters on the thread. Which is daft because it's by far one of the most fair I've seen in a while.

BrianCoxReborn · 19/05/2016 19:46

Erm....ok. that's nice.

BrianCoxReborn · 19/05/2016 19:47

If you say it, it is so it must be true. Fair play.

TheUnsullied · 19/05/2016 19:47

And others are simply pointing out that generally when they say that their partner's ex has terrible taste in men barring their own partner, they're not seeing something.

Some are even suggesting better ways the OP's partner can ensure his DD's safety. Because let's face it, meeting the guy won't mean his DD is safe, or that he can really do anything if he doesn't like him.

Waltermittythesequel · 19/05/2016 19:49

This reply has been deleted

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MNHQ
PresidentOliviaMumsnet · 19/05/2016 19:50

AHEM

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 19/05/2016 19:50

So what would he do if he didn't like him then??

BrianCoxReborn · 19/05/2016 19:53

I didn't have to check, I know what it means.

I can't explain again, happy to be called a Cunt though.

Im in good company on this thread Smile

Waltermittythesequel · 19/05/2016 19:55

If your explanation is anything to go by, you have no idea what it means.

Grin
NameChangeMum456 · 19/05/2016 19:57

Thinking you have a right to meet and judge the other parent's partners is controlling behaviour though.

I'm not pious, I've been there myself and thought similar when co-parenting was new to me, and it wasn't very easy to recognise that I didn't have any control in that area, because I felt I was being protective, but really all I was doing was trying to control what another adult and equal parent was perfectly capable of judging for themselves.

BrianCoxReborn · 19/05/2016 19:59

I was comparing the desire to follow the Mumsnet "religion" by tarring all men as the bad guys.

But you know that and you're trying to make me look silly (awaits "oh no you're doing that yourself" reply) to big up yourself.

It really is a little try hard dear.

BrianCoxReborn · 19/05/2016 20:01

Apologies, OP, for derailing your thread.

I hope you get it sorted and there is a lot of good advice here.

Waltermittythesequel · 19/05/2016 20:03

Pipe down, love. You're being ridiculous.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 19/05/2016 20:04

Oh shut up! Blah, blah, blah!

DuckAndPancakes · 19/05/2016 20:06

@theunsullied
Yes....
It's very easy and simple to check that someone doesn't have child sex offence charges. Why would you not?

My ex lives in a shared house with 3 other men. Shall I have assumed that they're all totally okay and trust worthy?.... If I hadn't checked and something happened to my child when that information was available, would it not be really damn stupid of me?

TheUnsullied · 19/05/2016 20:08

You mean check they're not on the sex offenders register rather than a proper background check then? That's far more understandable!

GingerIvy · 19/05/2016 20:09

He does trust her, just perhaps not her judgement in certain situations. She is a great mother by all accounts and his DD stays with us regularly. He also met the childminder BTW, at exes suggestion.

So she's violent but a great mother.

Yes, because this makes so much sense. So, OP, were you the OW here? This is completely back and forth and makes no sense.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 19/05/2016 20:10

Can someone translate "you're talking mince" for me?

I've been lax in keeping up with my teenspeak or whatever language it is.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 19/05/2016 20:11

It means rubbish, nonsense etc. Not teen speak. I'm in Scotland and it's used a lot.

DuckAndPancakes · 19/05/2016 20:13

Yeh, sorry I didn't mean doing deep background checks or something. But, I do understand NRP being a bit uneasy at first of someone else being around their DC. I had a lot of flack from my ex when I started seeing DP and he was really out of order about it, but I fully understood him wanting to check as far as sex offence stuff and even offered a copy of his advanced CRB to put his mind at ease.

Wanting to meet and "question" the new partner isn't necessarily on but I can also see that it's not always done in a controlling manner. I'd also want to know how the DC felt about it all.

TheFuckersBitingMe · 19/05/2016 20:14

In fairness, checking someone's not on the Sex Offenders register is by no means proof that they're 'safe' to be around DCs. It just means if they are, they've not been caught.

I have an ex and a DC with him. He introduced a few women to DS when we first broke up, I was a bit 'grr' but bit my tongue and got on with it, realising that having girlfriends around didn't actually make him a terrible Dad. DS loves him, loves the woman he's now settled with and I'm grateful for the fact that we've come through it with mutual respect and loyalty to DS. We're still very much a team when it comes to parenting, primarily because neither of us has ever overstepped the mark when it comes to the other's decisions.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 19/05/2016 20:43

Mince? As in as thick as mince ?

HoneyDragon · 19/05/2016 20:52

Jesus wept this thread reads like a load of mighty Spartens thwapping their dicksnout on the table and going "Behold my mighty schlong of opinion, see how huge and right it is and kneel down before my superiority of brain!" Or whatever they did in them days in minor disagreements.

Personally, I think if your trying to coparent and make it work for your child it's a nice idea if everyone has at least had a vague introduction to people closely involved in their lives.

It's not a right, no. But it would be the right approach.

See look, I answered an AIBU without suspicion, accusation, speculation or snippiness. Go me!

HoneyDragon · 19/05/2016 20:53

.dicks out

But dicksnout is now my new favourite insult. Ta, op Flowers

WeDoNotSow · 19/05/2016 20:54

Aah, but you didn't manage it without condescension did you HoneyDragon 4/5 Grin