Annoyed by DPs ExWife still having his surname...

[Orangecookie]

I don't know this would get to me, but it just does!

My DP's ExWife still has his surname, and they have kids. He divorced a while ago but we are not married. She does contact him a lot to get him to 'do stuff' like fix shelves, a bit less so now. She sends his in laws cards for their birthdays and Xmas always signed 'from the X surname family'.

Maybe I should just get over myself and not think about it. But it makes me feel like she is still in my DPs 'family unit' more than me. We will marry at some point but the thought of taking his surname also makes me feel weird, like I'd be wife number 2!

Anyone else feel annoyed? Or and I just getting wound up over nothing?

Seriously? You do understand why people get divorced right? Because they don't want to be married.
People die even if they still wanted to be together.

Actually that's a good point. I would have sympathy for anyone who carried on wearing a ring and using their partners surname after a death. Shows they still love that person....
So why do people still think it's ok to do it after divorce?

How eloquent walking

I would feel that if I took DPs name then I was taking on his protection and Identity.

Actually, I'm just as weirded out by the identity part of that. A name does not equal an identity.

If you feel you need a man's 'protection and identity' do not marry. In fact, you should probably try being single and working on yourself for a bit.

Reveal you're ridiculous, I know a few people including my own parents who are divorced my mum has her married name... She doesn't love my dad she's with some one else and so is he! Yes people divorce because they don't love eachother but it doesn't always have to be daggers. In fact my own experience of divorce was quite positive (as much as it can be) and my parents never spoke ill of eachother... DOESNT MEAN THEY STILL LOVE EACHOTHER.

It's the twisted step mothers who can't handle the parents still getting on after divorce for the children's sake

I think Miss screams old spinster after a certain age.

But I can't get over people still thinking Mrs is usable if you aren't married. I mean you aren't are you.

No I wouldn't change my name if I got married again. Not because I am lazy or whatever. Because it really, really is a faff. I keep it because it is a part of who I am. I was that person for much longer than I was my old name. I don't identify with my old name at all.

Added to NotQuiets list -
Professional qualifications and there's loads. A few entitle me to register online and my name is linked. To change the name it requires not only written documentation from myself but also my work place. I am dreading this process if I leave my current employer.
CRB
Professional insurance
Private insurance
Mobile phone companies x 3
TV provider
Broadband provider
Social media connect to work - twitter etc
linkedin
Child benefit
Tax office
Tax credits
HR
Work ID's
Gym id
Travel card
Passport
Landlord
Student finance
Online places of study
Other educational providers that I use
Professional connection with uni
Others that I work with (remember I said I tried. Because of various obstacles took a long time to remember my name, and changing was never accepted)
Credit Union
Other financial institutions
And don't even get me started on all the online shopping.

It's not just phone them up and say right I am now X. It all has to be done with original documents.

When I got married I was young. And none of the above set up. As I gained everything it was all straight forward. The faff I had to go through earlier this year to change where my wages went was huge. And that was a simple bank change.

Well in this case Major, it seems it the cap fits then the op should wear it.

To me when divorced women take 'ms' it sounds really old spinster

Whaaat?

majorly I'm only 25 I don't want to use Mrs because I don't want the assumption that I'm married, but I am no longer Miss MaidenName so it makes sense to go with Ms

Alis You're right it was totally crude, apologies, I got a bit riled up there, totally despise calling anyone though stupid it's vile. Got to remember the person on the other end is human too

How old are you? This seems very immature.

just I can't actually explain why I just hear ms and it just doesn't ring right with me. I think an auntie or someone has said something like this since I was a child and it has stuck...

*stupid though

Think I might go to bed lol, I'm pressing post without a filter

Walking yes you're right. I shouldn't have said the op was stupid either.

Walking that's fair enough. I personally wouldn't use ms though. Tbf I agree with pp that after a certain age (I'm not sure what this is) that miss is weird too...

Maybe you should be more annoyed with your H2B for giving another woman his name in marriage before you.

Makes just as much (non)sense as you bring annoyed that she still has and uses the name.

Gosh I know lots of people who divorced amicably too!

The point was directed at the comment about keeping the surname if the husband died. obviously and nothing to do with friendly divorces.

Why does everyone keep banging on about all the people they know keeping their surnames? I realise it happens all the time but surely some of you can see it makes no sense what so ever ( aside from people with paperwork issues or crap maiden names).

reveal evidently it is 'useable' as lots of people do it.

I haven't time to read this whole thread but to the OP I'd say that the problem lies with women who want to change their names to their husband's names when they get married.

In 30 years people will not believe that this ever happened in this country.

Just When I said 'protection' and 'identity' - that is what voluntarily taking on a man's name symbolises doesn't it? It did originate like that? Doesn't mean I'd want it or DP would give it! Quite OK with protecting myself - and wondering if that is part of me being unsure whether I would take his name on marriage.

I guess I'm just trying to articulate myself, a bit badly!

I said DP changing his name to mine - would also be changing from his kids names (even though in a year no kids will have his name) - as a light reply - tbh he has said that he doesn't mind about his kids names not being his. I asked him if he regretted not having a child carrying on his name and he couldn't care.

It is fair comment that OP sounds very young to be a prospective stepmother to adult DC, to deal maturely with an EXW in the background and all of that, though.

I'll probably be a "miss" for all of eternity
I never thought of it as being weird past a certain age.
Oh well. It's not as if getting married is majorly important anymore is it.
I'm happy to be a Miss! Don't like Ms at all.

Reveal its because a surname isn't the end of the world... ITS A NAME. if you go by that name for so long then it makes no sense to change it in my opinion. Your work, your bank, your friends everybody knows you by that name. You are used to it and it suits you... So keep it. And sod what people might thing about you holding onto the past. As far as I'm concerned my maiden name is gone now, even if I get divorced then re married then civil partner ship then divorced then marry a chicken

cant I like your style.

Wandered into a last century thread somehow...

Quick backing out the door...