Annoyed by DPs ExWife still having his surname...

[Orangecookie]

I don't know this would get to me, but it just does!

My DP's ExWife still has his surname, and they have kids. He divorced a while ago but we are not married. She does contact him a lot to get him to 'do stuff' like fix shelves, a bit less so now. She sends his in laws cards for their birthdays and Xmas always signed 'from the X surname family'.

Maybe I should just get over myself and not think about it. But it makes me feel like she is still in my DPs 'family unit' more than me. We will marry at some point but the thought of taking his surname also makes me feel weird, like I'd be wife number 2!

Anyone else feel annoyed? Or and I just getting wound up over nothing?

tou lot are flaming me. Some bitchy comments earlier. Read the page. I'm not a feminist and proud, get over it.

Feminists who marry men for money

Dammit, ali I made the same mistake in marrying a teacher. We're clearly letting the feminists down...

You*

When we marry, I should just be 'his wife' rather than wife number 2, in a way it makes me feel a little like she's still got a 'wifey' connection. It's probably totally irrational

Yes, it is irrational. You will be his 2nd wife. And he has a family. He had a life before he met you. As much as that galls you.

Would you want to be marrying someone who abandoned his family, his children? Wouldn't you be a bit worried that he'd do that to you as well?

You really have some issues, OP that you need to think through. At the moment, you sound quite young & immature.

BIWI thanks for being reasonable. I know it's probably not the be all and end all studies but It was a part of one of my a levels. Its militant and man hating on my opinion.

Purple we are the absolute worst, did it completely wrong!

Suppose I could bump him off and marry a nice investment banker instead?

Funny daughter. Why be a bitch about it? I was just making a point that a level studies aren't exactly in depth. Cow

Majorly you sound completely bonkers.

Well ali dh's parents are loaded so maybe he's more of a long term investment...

You should definitely ditch yours though, unless he has some redeeming qualities you haven't mentioned (would he sell a kidney for example?).

No wonder men don't take feminism seriously

Because that's what really counts: that men take us seriously.

So if you think that feminists are "militant bitches" I assume that you'll:

be a conscientious objector and resign your right as a human ctien to vote

Ditto resign your right to equal pay for equal work

Ditto resign your right to maternity leave

Ditto resign your right to appropriate maternity care

Ditto accept that your husband can have sex with you whenever you want, without your consent (ie rape you)

Because all of these rights & freedoms were fought for by fucking militant bitches.

tou lot are flaming me. Some bitchy comments earlier. Read the page. I'm not a feminist and proud, get over it.

But I thought it was OK for people to insult others when they don't agree? After all, it's OK for you to insult me, and not apologise, because you think my opinions about marriage are "bullshit".

Why are you so upset that you are being flamed when others don't agree with your opinion about feminism?

I don't think he does Purple. How unfortunate. I really am rather fond of him but if I bump him off now it'll be much easier all round.

Stick with your own though, he'll come good!

I really am rather fond of him but if I bump him off now it'll be much easier all round.

Just make sure you've got adequate life insurance on him first.

I have this same problem....but they don't have any kids together....soon as i got with my Dp she changed her name back from her maiden name to her married surname! even though they are divorced! Now that's a weirdo! xx

Can you tell me what desiring equal opportunities for men and women (in it's most basic fashion) is either militant or man-hating?

Or that women should have equal rights to men?

I'm struggling to see your perspective on this, to be honest.

Ooh, I'm another misguided feminist gold-digger who married a teacher for his loot. Do feminists love teachers? Is this worthy of further investigation once I've finished researching how to bump off DH for his death in service?

Do feminists love teachers? Is this worthy of further investigation once I've finished researching how to bump off DH for his death in service?

Definitely worthy of investigation. Maybe it's the wanting to change things for the next generation that's so attractive.

Timeforanamechange I said 'if' there are mind games. I don't know, although it is often suggested to me (when her name and title come up) that it is or could be mind games (ilk) and it raises an eyebrow or two and certanly people in our circle seem to think it is. The OP certainly seems to think it could be mind games in her situation and others have commented about the possibility in OPs or their situation (of exw keeping name obv.) So I am just saying 'if' . If you have kept your ex married name complete with 'Mrs' and are now married to second husband and are not playing mind games then fair enough. Doesnt mean my DHs exw is or isn't. I'm just not letting myself get drawn into either way is my point.

You're proud of feeling inferior? That's a very complex mindset. No wonder you're making no sense...

Peace and love all please

.......sorry meant to say other people in our circle of family /friends seem to have very strong feelings about it and very much stronger feelings than me ironically. But as I say I won't get drawn into it . I just shrug repeatedly

Who's proud of feeling inferior ???

I don't understand...is it not possible to be both a feminist and married?

I don't understand...is it not possible to be both a feminist and married?

Nope. Mutually exclusive. It's in the patriarchy sign up doc.