Annoyed by DPs ExWife still having his surname...

[Orangecookie]

I don't know this would get to me, but it just does!

My DP's ExWife still has his surname, and they have kids. He divorced a while ago but we are not married. She does contact him a lot to get him to 'do stuff' like fix shelves, a bit less so now. She sends his in laws cards for their birthdays and Xmas always signed 'from the X surname family'.

Maybe I should just get over myself and not think about it. But it makes me feel like she is still in my DPs 'family unit' more than me. We will marry at some point but the thought of taking his surname also makes me feel weird, like I'd be wife number 2!

Anyone else feel annoyed? Or and I just getting wound up over nothing?

But your baggage is equally obvious? After all you're marriage was obviously a clinical decision to 'protect' whatever you think will be protected. You can't control anything when you're dead.

What means sod all?

F off Margaret, I'm not a feminist so shoot me. Get down off your high horse.

I haven't rtft
I've kept my married name because I want the same name as my kids
Also I don't want to go backwards if that makes sense

Right... But you know that means sod all right?

Nope, I think it makes clear that you're making statements without really thinking through what you're saying.

Whatever helps you sleep at night. Some people can't handle the truth

The bitterness on this thread is palpable, purple. I speak as I find I'm afraid.

Who's bitter about what then? I'm not seeing it.

Read the thread

I have-no bitterness there. I guess I must be too stupid to see it. Any specific examples to help?

Ok, well your last few comments have given the intellectual measure of you, and it's really not worth the waste of my time. You've started slinging insults around, so I guess either you're struggling to find anything constructive to say, or you're a GF (or maybe even Jack Nicholson in 'A Few Good Men', based on your weird last comment to me )

Enjoy the rest of your day.

This is a great thread. Has got me thinking about things. I love a it of fire of a morning

Bit*

After all you're marriage was obviously a clinical decision to 'protect' whatever you think will be protected.

Yes, of course it was.

We initially went to see a solicitor to draw up the relevant paperwork to protect what was important to us. That included protection of my DD's right to maintain a relationship with her stepdad, even if her father didn't support that.

I don't agree with stepparents
That's very evident - but it's unusual for anyone to be quite so open about it. It does help when people like yourself actually post things like that though - because most people are at pains to deny that they hate "all" stepparents and claim it's just "specific" stepparents they dislike. Its refreshingly honest to see someone post that they disagree with the whole concept.

She can keep it if she wishes. Yabvu

It's fine that I'm intellectually inadequate to you lot, because I'm just a stupid sahp who hasn't protected her own financial interests.

It's fine that I'm intellectually inadequate to you lot, because I'm just a stupid sahp who hasn't protected her own financial interests.

You have protected your financial interests. You are married.

Noone said that sahp's are stupid. You're projecting your own issues there.

As people have said, she probably wants the same name as her kids. Or maybe she dislikes her maiden name and doesn't want to go back to it.

I never said I hate them. But you're right I disagree with the concept. I think it's wrong. But there we are. Well good on you for protecting yourself, maybe you're just smarter than me. i know! My mum was abused by her step mother who subsequently robbed her of any of her inheritance when her dad died. Very sad.

Purple behave! I'm not projecting. But it didn't even occur to me when I got married. It honestly didn't. I didn't even know financial or any other implications when I got married. I wasn't wise to it.

The problem is my parents divorced but it was amicable and both parents kind of shared everything? If you like. So there was no fighting over who gets what. Maybe I would need to experience a messy divorce or a messy break to understand what happens.

*break up

Well good on you for protecting yourself, maybe you're just smarter than me.

Or maybe we are just different people, with different priorities and values?

I have never judged your decision to marry in Vegas, while pregnant, because it was important to your DH and his family. It's not for me, but it was right for you.

In contrast, you have insulted me because of my motivations for the choices I have made.

Don't be so patronising majorly. Regardless of whether you were aware of it or not, marriage gives financial and legal protection to both parties if they later split. That's a good thing for lower earners or sahps.

I just congratulated you for it. Not insulted. I just said it wasn't my cup of tea. Because yes we do have different motivations. Being motivated by money doesn't sit right with me. But that's me!