To think actually what she did was not ok

[TryNOTTOworry1]

I go to a group for children with special needs, one mum is nice but at a group session she was talking about her dc (who has autism) she was saying how dc has meltdowns and she cannot do some things as dc as they will have a meltdown.

She said "I can't do X, y, z or dc will go spastic" she has never said this word again but it was like a pin had dropped in the room. I don't think she meant to say it but most of us are giving the mum a wide birth now.

She keep saying hello and trying to talk to us but I can just manage a hello and a wave. She's not come back since that day and although I feel a bit mean for not talking engaging more with her, what she said was just awful.

Aibu?

You said that she was clearly horrified by what she had said so I don't see why you are being so nasty. Ignoring her like this is very unpleasant and reflects rather badly on you.

Some people still don't know this word is an issue. It gets banded about occasionally here, I've heard people saying "oh stop being such a spaz" and such. She probably didn't think anything of it and someone you have said "you shouldn't really use that word..." At the time. You're behaving like children.

Brainstorming isn't offensive at all, someone has tried to retrofit that to try and make an issue where there is none.
There is no connection to epilepsy in the word brainstorming, it doesn't have any meaning in that context.

Yeah? Give it time ^^

murm

I don't know what "going postal" actually refers to. I don't say it either mind.

WOW just WOW! You are without doubt the biggest bunch of judgmental idiots to ignore this poor frazzled mum who used a word, which she probably didn't mean to use because she was explaining her OWN kids behavior. She was probably nervous and judging by the big stick up all your backsides I can see why.

Poor, poor lady. As if she hasn't got enough to contend with. She is probably a bag of nerves most of the time and this must be just what she doesn't need. How could you all ignore her? Have none of you ever said the wrong thing, anywhere? Must be wonderful to be so perfect. Be kind - there is always a chance to be kind.

There is no connection to epilepsy in the word brainstorming

Unfortunately, like the completely erroneous claim that "nitty gritty" is offensive because of a non-existent link to slavery, or the row that erupted some years ago when it was claimed that "niggardly" was racist (a word I now avoid because life is too short), it requires more than sense, usage and etymology to fend of a "I am offended, you can't tell me what I should and shouldn't be offended by" moral panic.

However, in this case, there is some truth to it. Brainstorm does have an etymology of referring to epilepsy: not only is it in the OED sense 1 definition "A fit of rage, melancholy, etc.; a sudden change of mood or behaviour; (also) a sudden and severe attack of mental illness; an epileptic seizure. In later use also fig. or hyperbolically: a temporary loss of reason, a serious error of judgement.", there's usage to back that up: 1937 " The epilepsy patterns suggested the approach or presence of a veritable brain storm". It's not always the case: there's an 1884 citation in the OED in which, if you run the full thing to earth (yes, pulling 1884 editions of the Lancet is a distraction activity from marking exams, since you ask) "brainstorm" is used of a patient who is explicitly described as "not epileptic", although the general link with mental illness is present and correct.

It wasn't that long ago the word "spastic" was perfectly acceptable to use. Google the spastic society. They changed their name to scope more recently.

It believe it means muscle spasm so actually by definition if her child is lying on the floor uncontrollably it's not that far from the mark.

If most of us ostracised one another for being minorly offended by a "slip-up" comment we would literally never talk to anyone. I am sure- quite sure I have offended people in the past and generally people just move on. As I have done with people who have offended me. You are being unreasonable and ridiculous. Let it go and you and the other mothers get over yourselves.

It wasn't that long ago the word "spastic" was perfectly acceptable to use.

www.scope.org.uk/Scope/media/Images/About%20us/Boy-putting-money-into-old-Spastics-Society-charity-box.jpg

OMG! Seriously? While I fully appreciate this is construed as not a nice word when I was growing up it was used to describe silly or meltdown style behaviour. If she is of a similar age to me then I can see why she used it.
From what you wrote she is talking about her child and talking about him having a meltdown, which you all understood - She as I understand it did not use this word in a derogatory way against someone else or their child, which I most certainly would have an issue with. If you didn't like the word she used you could have at any point said to her you got what she meant but didn't like that word.
Poor lady 🙁
Really sorry but you sound like mean girls 😕

Maybe it's unlikely but it's always possible that she was using the word 'spastic' in its medical sense, just referring to muscular spasm (as in spastic colon). It's always possible her autistic dc does display muscle spasms when he is in meltdown. Pity you didn't stop and find out.

As a mother of a SEN child who goes to these groups as support I would be absolutely depressed if the group I hung out with ostracised me for using that word unwittingly. Sometimes you need to have some humour about it, call a spade a spade. I am in a very similar situation to this woman and feel isolated enough as it is as we can't do 'normal" things easily coupled with no family in the country. Cut the lady some slack.

I'm mum to severely disabled DS who is 6 ... He has CP, epilepsy, severe autism and arthrogryposis, sensory issues and he is peg fed.

I get so fed up of over sensitive mums ... I had one mum outraged as Kanye said Spaz out in a song .... It has a totally different meaning in the USA!!!!

We use the umbrella term 'meff' he's a meff she's a meff !!! It's a Scouse thing .... Doesn't matter ... Call my son what you like, describe him how you will!!! Most people who meet him label him as 'gorgeous' .... And that he is!!!!!

Stop being so offended !

I hugely feel for that women. I'm very like her- get nervous and say the wrong thing. I really hope she has a lovely family and a group of friends who don't judge her and like her warts n all. I'm guessing the rest of your group are perfect to be ostracising somebody in need of support over a minor slip up?

I agree with everyone else. She shouldn't have used that term, but clearly knows that as she hasn't since. I'm sure we've all made misjudged comments. We wish we could take back. Your group, on the other hand, should be ashamed of yourselves.

I think you are being very unreasonable - what you are all doing amounts to bullying and I feel terribly sorry for the woman! So she used a politically incorrect word, it wasn't used with malice and she obviously realised she had dropped a clanger. Shame on all of you for ostracising the poor woman.

I never knew so many words that I use are actually offensive till I joined this site.

I'm going to agree with others re the nationality of the offender. I live in the US and when I had the equivalent of my booking in appointment here, pregnant with DC2, the standard issue questionnaire included the term 'mental retardation', as in, has anyone in your immediate family ever suffered from...? Handicapped is also used very commonly. It may well have been a genuine misunderstanding.

That was 3 years ago btw.

I'm not a mean person

In my experience, as soon as someone says 'I'm not ....' they usually are.

Dixie ... I don't know... It's used very lightly and jokingly ... It's like 'ya big dope' ... Your daft .... If you know what I mean.... My find diagnosis has mental retardation on it !!!!! I used to freak if people used the term retard .... Now I think .... Get yo know him !!! He's bloody amazing and I bet you'll smile with 10 minutes of meeting him!