To leave 6 month old ebf bottle refuser for the night?

[1northernfairy]

Just for one night, to preserve my sanity.

She cries all the while and I have not had more that 3 consecutive hours sleep since she was born. And that is very rare, generally she sleeps only chunks of 30-50 mins night and day. And is Velcro'd to me for the whole night.

When she doesn't get what she wants immediately, normally boob, she goes bananas. I feel as if something has to give. I cannot carry on.

Grandparents would happily have her for the night but would have to put up with the screaming. She could probably be spoon fed milk. I don't want a few hours, I'm desperate for a night although I may lay awake worrying and feeling guilty.
AIBU?

Diddly I'd have written that post until I had my youngest Dc. He was a whole new ball game-and wanted to sleep with my nipple in his mouth, something I'd never imagine happening or me doing: but I did do it, because I had to if I wanted a rest.

I found the six month mark the hardest because you do start to think they could be sttn/waking up for one maybe two feeds (ds1 for example slept through from 12 weeks) and when they show no signs of doing it and you're still getting broken sleep like the very early days it sends you round the twist.

I'm not being confrontational (I hope) btw. It just struck me when I read your post that that is exactly what is have said!

I get that but how can you sleep with a baby actually attached to you? Proper restful sleep would be dangerous, surely?

Fair enough in the bed but that's just too much

Julia it's not confrontational at all we x-posted there.

DS was a terrible sleeper but nowhere near those levels

Diddlydokey I do sleep, in a safe cosleeping position, facing each other, using my arm and body to frame the baby. I find I sleep very differently than pre-baby and wake when he moves but I get more sleep than if I try to make him sleep alone.

(Which would be no sleep because he won't do it.)

i knew pretty early on we were in for a challenge-he wasn't a week old and he was in his basket next to me in bed. And he started grunting. And the wriggled up the basket till his head hit the top. So I'd nice him back down and an hour later he'd be at the top. Repeat.

I was gobsmacked - i didn't even know one week old babies could do that. And so it began.

He's 3 now and I still feel knackered from it (although he sleeps waaay better now) and he's still a very wilful and determined little fella.

Nice = move

I wouldn't have left mine - she would have been heartbroken! Get your DH to give you some long mornings of sleep OP. If you are at breaking point it is worth him using up annual leave. He can bring baby to boob and then cart her off in the sling for another few hours bouncing and singing (while you are in the happy land of nod).

I'm with the poster that said it will probably really upset the baby. However, it's unknown, baby might just conk out all night. But then you will be woken by the boiling melons of doom.

Ah just scrolled up and saw your posts DoltTooJulia -- I have the same baby!! Not a baby any more now, but still behaving like a one month old.

(OP take note, the oversensitive approach might lead you into years of co-sleeping and breastfeeding)!!

If you are used to being woken every few hours you are unlikely to get a good nights sleep and feel rested. I have tried nights off from my 6 month old (who takes a bottle). I don't sleep and feel worse as I lay awake and get anxious. Much better is my husband taking him at say, 5 or 6 am and then me sleeping for 3 hours to catch up. But I am totally used to only 2 or 3 hours at a time and this is my normal for functioning. I still feel pretty crap most of the time of course. This too shall pass.

Your baby sounds like she's really putting you through the wringer and you really need some quality rest.

At this stage I'd suggest taking help from every quarter possible and making your OH deal with the crying more, whether he struggles with it or not. As your parents are willing to help, involve them in a strategy.

At 6 months and with weaning started, she doesn't have to have access to boob 24/7. Be it day or night, have OH and your parents regularly be in charge for a few hours at a time, then start increasing the length of time. Decide which regular feeding times suit baby best and work around those.

When a high needs baby is ebf, the mum really gets a rough ride and everyone expects you to run yourself into the ground being attached to your baby constantly all day long, never able to sleep or have any time to yourself because baby needs you and only you (do I sound a bit traumatised about that ).

Actually, your baby has a number of suitable care givers who can spend time with her, love her and development a relationship with her. It's not cruel or some kind of abandonment to start taking advantage of this.

As you can probably tell, I had a high needs, ebf bottle refuser. I went back to work part time at 6 months because I absolutely needed to for my sanity. He ate food and drank water from a sippy cup when I wasn't there. It was fine. Even now at 14 months, he just wants me if I'm around, but is perfectly OK when I'm out.

We still bf 2x a day, but I'm planning to end this soon by going away for a weekend and leaving him with my parents to break the morning and evening association, then letting someone else put him to bed and get him up for the week after I get back.

I have so much sympathy for you...my little girl was still waking VERY frequently at 6 months. Sleep deprivation is a killer: there were days when I wasn't fit to be in charge of a toaster, never mind a tiny human being. Do what you need to survive; you know your baby best. Lack of sleep can take you to some very dark places and avoiding that needs to be a very high priority.

But I second those who say you probably won't rest that well with a proper night off at this stage. You've been programmed to wake often now too. What helped me was my husband getting up with her at 6am and I'd sleep on til 8. It doesn't sound like much but it made such a huge difference, and on the days when I couldn't do it for whatever reason, I really noticed how much worse I felt. He'd offer a bottle of EBM which eventually she'd usually take, just from the habit of being offered it every day. And I slept well because in my head it was only a few hours and she was close by if she really needed me.

It does pass though, even if it doesn't feel like it. My little girl just 'got it' at around 13 months, once she was walking and the weather was good enough to be outside in the fresh air lots. It will pass, even if it feels forever now. Be kind to yourself.

I've not read the full thread since j last posted, more skimmed, but please consider that the OP's partner may be out very early for work. The difference between my mornings with a small baby (DH out at 6.15) and those of friends whose partners left at 8 or later was huge....in fact the whole day was different. But that's life - you will eventually catch up on sleep, but honestly time with caring and familiar grandparents, be that daytime or nighttime, will be absolutely fine. Ridiculous to say a baby would be damaged by that.

OP just thought of something really obvious that I'm not sure has been mentioned although you've probably already tried it but do you have a soft stretchy sling?
Rather than pram naps I got my DD to have a lot of naps in that in the house. I would rock her whilst patting her bum and saying shush in a rhythmic way and after a short while she 'got' it so that it only took me 10 mins from wide awake to fast asleep.
I always had my iPad and headphones close to hand so that I could use her nap times to MN/catch up on emails/Facebook or watch stuff on 4OD.

It helped turn the relentless feeling of it constantly feeling like nap times into something a bit more enjoyable and a bit of 'me time' even though I couldn't put her down.

I also made sure I had some nice snacks and drinks to hand.
Just thinking about you being exhausted by the constant pram walking, that's all

Stay with your parents and let them do the night shift. Take some ear plugs, have an evening out and feed once or twice if need be.