To leave 6 month old ebf bottle refuser for the night?

[1northernfairy]

Just for one night, to preserve my sanity.

She cries all the while and I have not had more that 3 consecutive hours sleep since she was born. And that is very rare, generally she sleeps only chunks of 30-50 mins night and day. And is Velcro'd to me for the whole night.

When she doesn't get what she wants immediately, normally boob, she goes bananas. I feel as if something has to give. I cannot carry on.

Grandparents would happily have her for the night but would have to put up with the screaming. She could probably be spoon fed milk. I don't want a few hours, I'm desperate for a night although I may lay awake worrying and feeling guilty.
AIBU?

Abs she might have been a bit annoyed but to suggest one night away would permanently have damaged her is far fetched.

Babies have to fit in with you.

Essentially you are asking if you should leave your six month old to cry it out for possibly an entire night- because that's what will happen. When my DD was 7 months I decided I'd had enough of the 4x through the night feeds which were followed by half an hour pushing in her pram to get her off to sleep, I was utterly exhausted so I let her cry it out (we did some sleep method thing, can't remember name now but allegedly gentler that crying it out)
Three days later she was sleeping through except for the 1am wake up I stupidly allowed her. It was another 5 months before I tackled that.
I'd think about training though rather than inflicting a distraught child on the grandparents because it will be tough, she'll be crying for boobs and mummy. At least if you do it then she knows you're there and you'll be halfway to getting her sleeping through rather than potentially traumatising her. Good luck x

I'm really surprised at the it would be cruel responses. This is a 6 month old child. There is no way she needs to feed every hour which is what she seems to be doing according to the OP.
Op, I really cannot believe that this would harm your baby in any way. At 6 months she should be able to go overnight without a feed and I think you might be surprised and she may take the bottle but worst case they can use a syringe, spoon, Has anyone else ever tried to give her a bottle when you are not there? Because she will be able to smell your milk so obviously won't take it from you but may do if you are not there (I have heard this from lots of people I know).
I'm sorry but I think the ride it out, it's only a few months comments are crap, you cannot go for 6 months with sleep broken every 1 - 3 hours and be in a good frame of mind.
Also, I don't know the answer to this but I think you should try and get some help on how to train her to go longer (easy said I know) because 1 nights sleep will be great but won't solve your problem. A friend of mine had the same problem and used contolled crying which did work for her, I wouldn't be comfortable with it personally but I'm sure there are more gentle methods you could use.
Take care of yourself.

Re it affecting your milk supply, I did leave one baby overnight, my boobs did get very very uncomfortable by the morning, but it really didn't affect my supply.
But, I'm not expert and it could be different for others, I really doubt it'll have an impact on future supply.

future with all respect you have never met my DD. How could you possibly know that?! Unless you subscribe to the incorrect one-size-fits-all method of parenting and have the emotional intelligence if a brick then surely you can appreciate that all babies are different?!

Is she genuinely ebf as in no solids ? If so I'm afraid I wouldn't just yet. If however she does take solids and water then I might as I know she won't starve. Ds was ebf but took a cup from 4 months, I left him overnight at 5.5 but he was on solids and sleeping through .....

I never said leaving your 6 month old for the night was cruel, I said going from all night feeding/cuddling to nothing instantly would be cruel. I stand by that.

Ultimately OP there is no 'right answer' on this issue. I know when you're sleep deprived it's hard to think straight and quick-fix solutions are very seductive.

But you have to think about what sort of parent you want to be, what sort of relationship you want to have with your baby and how this fits in with everything you have read/know about child development/attachment/infant sleep etc. Inform yourself first then make a decision rather than a knee-jerk emotional 'I cant take this anymore' decision.

No one on this thread can yellow u how your baby will respond to sleep training. You ultimately have to decide for yourself what is best for your baby and yourself.

I would get silent reflux ruled out first though like I say.
Good luck

*can tell you

And yes how to milk supply was fine/ I didn't become engorged.

I had the same problem. I eventually left her with my parents and just gave them yogurts to give her of she did need something. She was 9 months though by that point, so already being weaned. I'd hoped she would take a bottle of given by DP or my mum but nope.

Abs no I don't subscribe to a one size fits all approach, but I also use common sense, and it's pretty obvious that one night will not do any damage.

Sounds like you're the one being emotional about it here, using words like "cruel". The facts are the child does not need food and she is depriving her mother of sleep. Something her mother needs.

My DD was a Velcro baby, totally attached to my breasts 24/7 and I feel for you. It is very, very tough. For what it's worth I was nor able to leave DD at that age and coped by co-sleeping and letting her feed while I dosed - is that an option for you?

If you try it make sure you take a breast pump with you otherwise you risk getting mastitis.

yanbu. Sanity first, always. I'd be tempted to start with a smaller amount of time though and make it a regular thing - 4 hours at first and build up, it'll also help you to have a regular schedule of relief and not one night where you worry yourself silly - I'd not be that worried about the baby sustaining permanent damage but regular help and crack the bottle is better for all of you. We had exactly this fight with dd2 and I gradually left her for longer stretches until she'd give up and take the bottle, and after a couple of weeks she was fine.

I wouldn't. I personally think it would be distressing for her. I have a 10 month old who I co sleep with at the minute and as much as is love a full nights sleep, I think she'd be too upset if she woke and I wasn't there.

But that's my baby, yours might cope completely different. My 1st would sleep through any night i wasn't there and woke when I was.

Try these cups - my LO wouldn't take bottles and they worked a treat -www.amazon.co.uk/Nuby-Handle-No-Spill-Assorted-Colours/dp/B000KWOTY6/ref=pd_cp_75_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=1DMKSYWXAF9JZHQ85BH6

Your parents could also use a syringe to give milk if baby will take it.

I had 13 months of this kind of feeding and you do feel totally spaced out. Good luck!

Op I agree with a pp that silent reflux sounds likely. My dd had it and it was hell on earth. Do whatever you need to for your sanity.

I wouldn't, sorry, not whilst she won't take a bottle. Give it a couple more months and she'll be taking more solids during the day and therefore might only need sips of milk from a cup overnight. It is hard, believe me I know.

Is she starting to wean?
I have been there with the sleep deprivation and I would have sold my soul for a night off.

I think you should go for it, don't feel guilty, your sanity is worth an awful lot.

I've agonised over this with an older baby but not done it yet.
All I can add to previous responses is that there must be some mums in this situation who have had to go back to work doing night shifts and their babies will have managed. Hopefully for you someone like that will pop on for some advice.

oh yes that's also me in a way - DD2 had to get used to a bottle because I went back to work and started travelling at 7 months for 4 days at a time. It wasn't fun and DH had a few bad nights but she's nearly 2 now and she sleeps through and is a normal toddler.

I am in this situation now and I was also in it with DD. This time around I am coping with the sleep deprivation somehow, even though he wake up every 90 minutes. The first time it broke me so I understand where you're coming from.

I don't think anyone can make this decision for you, only you know if you'd feel OK with it. Also it really depends on what sort of people your parents are, because I know mine would have freaked out after a couple of hours of crying.

What happens if you leave her to cry in the day? Today for the first time I left DS (6mths) crying when he woke up from his nap because I'd just made a cup of tea and some toast and as it was my only pleasure of the day I decided I was just going to sit downstairs and enjoy them. He screamed for 10 minutes... then fell asleep, slept for nearly two hours and woke up happy because for once he'd had a proper sleep.

And for all the people diagnosing reflux - it's certainly possible and should be ruled out. But lots of babies (including mine ) have just developed a sleep association and will only go back to sleep when bf.

How long have you left her before? Could you try just half the night (no idea how this would work practically speaking, could you stay at the GP's house and ear plug yourself somewhere?). I'm just thinking if you haven't left her before for more than a couple of hours she may surprise you, however a full night may be too much of a shock for her. And I really doubt you would get any sleep as you will be worrying all night.

YABU.
Cosleep to get some rest. Leave her in the daytime for a few hours for your sanity- do something just for you (wine, lunch, a massage whatever). Don't leave her overnight.
My DS is very similar, 8 months, has never slept longer than one block of 3/4 hours and that's on a good night. I deal with it by cosleeping and going to bed early. So I generally get 10 hours of (broken) sleep. It's copable and won't be for long. DS is on 3 meals now, feeds are reducing although not in the night and soon I'm stopping BF as back to work so he'll just have to deal with it. Think about night weaning in a few months time, that should help.

Yanbu. Did this myself last night (ds 10 month tho) and it was amazing!