To leave 6 month old ebf bottle refuser for the night?

[1northernfairy]

Just for one night, to preserve my sanity.

She cries all the while and I have not had more that 3 consecutive hours sleep since she was born. And that is very rare, generally she sleeps only chunks of 30-50 mins night and day. And is Velcro'd to me for the whole night.

When she doesn't get what she wants immediately, normally boob, she goes bananas. I feel as if something has to give. I cannot carry on.

Grandparents would happily have her for the night but would have to put up with the screaming. She could probably be spoon fed milk. I don't want a few hours, I'm desperate for a night although I may lay awake worrying and feeling guilty.
AIBU?

Couldn't someone take her for you in the day? So a full day with granny, and you go home to sleep for 5 hours to recharge your batteries? Not as good as a night off, but perhaps more achieve able? And perhaps if you're better rested you'll feel more able to tackle the night situation?

I really do feel your pain, my no.3 has been a dreadful sleeper, sometimes I don't know whether I'm coming or going...

I think a day with granny is a good compromise.
Has someone else tried her with a bottle?

My DD fed all night so I feel your pain. She also had silent reflux and the doc at the hospital said it was very common for babies with silent reflux to feed more often over night as it eased the pain. I don't know if that's true or not. I would second Dr Jay Gordon for weaning off night feeds, although it is for babies of 1 or over, it worked a treat for us.

I agree with whoever suggested someone taking your little one during the day and you sleep then.

"She won't starve"
Is that the benchmark now? Nice.

I had an EBF bottle refuser and my MIL really wanted to break him, and she would have taken him for days but I couldn't do it. He would have been fine, though - it's entirely up to you. Good luck.

My ds refused bottles but learned to drink from a free flow sippy cup in about two weeks at 6mo. If I were you I'd get her practising with the cup right away. I didn't leave him overnight till he was 13mo but with him drinking water from the cup and eating porridge made with bm I could leave him all day when necessary and sleep all day

I can't people are saying a 6m old doesn't need feeds in the night?! Mine definitely feeds out of hunger and not comfort.

She won't starve"
Is that the benchmark now? Nice. hmm

Mum needs sleep.
Baby doesn't need night feeds.
Baby will be looked after.

It's not difficult

The suggestion of a nanny who specifically specialises in night training was a good one if you can afford it.

Daytime is a great suggestion if they would be up for it?

Also just general sleeping - have you considered a side sleeper cot? Snuzpod, Chico next to me ... there are a few versions. It might just break the need to be on the boob all night if she is next to you but not right next to you if you see what I mean.

I'm sure after this many months of no sleep you will have looked at everything but just a suggestion also a dummy - likely if she is a bottle refused I guess she is a dummy refuser but might be worth trying a few versions, I had some success with one of mine in the past with getting them to take a dummy by sucking on the breast and then when baby is half asleep, pulling nipple out and quickly replacing with a dummy.

This is really hard.
I exclusive BF all three of mine. The third is currently 20 months and still going strong.
I've had two nights away in the 17months the first fed for, the 21 months the second fed for and to date with the third. Both nights though we're when the little one wasn't feeding at night.
I know what the sleep deprivation is like, it's awful (at 20months my third still wakes at least twice a night and frequently more often) but... IMHO... it's not going to last forever and the security she gets from me being able to feed/ comfort her at night is just such a big thing for me. Personally I wouldn't want a night away until my youngest is reliably sleeping through a and tempting as it sounds in theory, like you've alluded to, I'd probably not enjoy the night for worrying anyway.
Each to their own but I don't think you'd be unreasonable to not go away for the night at this stage.

I absolutely would OP. In fact I did something similar when DS was about the same age.

Your sleep and sanity is hugely important and it really sounds like you need a recharge. I remember that sense of suffocation well.

Your DC will be fine and I suspect that deep down you know that. You may even find they settle better for someone else.

Take care of yourself. breastfeeding on demand through the night like that for 6 months takes a huge physical and emotional toil on your body. People often don't realise the impact of that.

In time, I'd be looking a night weaning too.

Sounds like she has an allergy/intolerance. To dairy possibly.

Reflux, unsettled, doesn't sleep well....

*sounds like she has an allergy or an intolerance...."

Or she's just a nightmare sleeper baby that some of us are unfortunate to have

Like I said, mine behaved exactly the way OP's daughter does but it wasn't allergies he just had horrendous sleeping patterns and still wanted and needed feeds overnight.

I didn't night wean until he was about 10 months old because that's when I thought he'd reached the age of not needing it anymore.

No. It would be really awful for your baby to be left overnight without you when they are ebf and wake frequently at night for feeds. To those who said the baby doesn't need feeds overnight - eh, you're wrong. Babies, especially ebf babies, need night feeds. And clearly OP's baby needs night feeds since they are waking for feeds. Waking for feeds at night is biologically normal. Since the introduction of formula, people seem to think that it is normal for babies to sleep all night long without waking.

OP, one night of sleep is not going to help. And hiring a sleep trainer would be letting them cry it out - all sleep trainers advocate one method or another of cry it out, it's all the same. Read up on Sweet Sleep by LLL or No cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Both gentle sleep books for ebf babies, no crying it out.

Get help during the day so you can sleep when baby sleeps then. Good luck

Right I finally have time to sit down and catch up on this thread (I'm 5 hours behind the uk, not awake all night!)

OP lots of good suggestions here.

Your situation sounds very similar to where I was a year+ ago. DH working long hours/away a lot, silent reflux Velcro baby who would only sleep on the boob or moving (pram/sling, she HATED the car!)

It gets better it honestly does. I understand you're at breaking point, I was too. I understand believe me. But I just couldn't have left my DD for the night like that - cold turkey - she would have been hysterical. I understand your desperation but there really are a few other more gentle things you can try first.

Things I would suggest...

1. Your baby's silent reflux does not sound under control: Still crying lots, waking after 30-45 minutes and crying, only sleeping on the move, wanting to comfort suck lots (milk soothes the burning). What treatment is DD on? Mine had to be on 2g omeprazole to achieve symptom control and has only just been weaned off that at 18 months.

1. I also had to go dairy and soy free (it comes through your breast milk) and so did DD during weaning as she was allergic to both. Look at www.nhs.uk/Conditions/food-allergy/Pages/Symptoms.aspx does she have signs of a non-ige food allergy?

1. You said your baby doesn't sleep more than 30-50 minutes at a time? She must have a massive sleep deficit. Sleep breeds sleep so you need symptom control sorted then look at addressing this. Do whatever it takes to get her to sleep (day and night) for a few weeks to maximize sleep.... If that involves staying in breastfeeding or rocking in sling or pram, do it. At 6 months old I'm pretty sure 2 hours of awake time is about right (watch for her sleepy signs) and do whatever you can to maximize her sleep day and night.

1. Once you've made progress with the above then I would look at your sleep training options.

After I did the above I actually didn't need to address DDs sleep from 5.5-14 months because like PP have said above I could get enough sleep by going to bed early, cosleeping and gently working on getting DD used to being in her cot open alongside my mattress on the floor (same height) so she wasn't directly attached to me all night long but knew I was right there.

At 15 months I implemented the Dr Jay Gordon method I linked to above and although it involved crying (most sleep training does to be honest because you are doing something the baby doesn't want) I never left her side and offered her comfort whenever she woke up, just not boob. And eventually she just stopped waking up.

It did affect our relationship for a while. She tested my love for her by acting out, pushing me away etc, she stopped hugging and kissing me too. She felt rejected and wanted to test that I still loved her. I kept breastfeeding her as much as she wanted outside of the set hours of night weaning and giving her lots of attention/cuddles/kisses etc and after a few weeks she just stood up one day, wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me and from that point on slept through and was fine with me again. She obviously decided that I still loved her the same and that fundamentally nothing else had changed.

Good luck OP. You WILL survive this and it WILL get better

That should be 20mg Omeprazole!!

Mum needs sleep.
Baby doesn't need night feeds.
Baby will be looked after.

It's not difficult*

Oh don't be so patronising, my baby needs night feeds, actually. And if she woke up for one in the night and I wasn't there then j think she'd be pretty distressed, and hungry/thirsty.

OP sleep deprivation is a fucking killer and I understand but I think this could end up being more stress than it's worth for all of you involved! Definitely have a few days where you just sleep, get earplugs and sleep and get grandparents to stay with you (or stay with them of their place is bigger?) and bring baby in for feeds and that's it.

If the sleep would help you and you could relieve your potential breast discomfort, I say yes - let grandparents have the baby while you try to get some proper sleep.

Jesus Christ. The way people sagely nod and say non non not fair on grandparents ffs what about a woman about to break?! Oh right she could catch up on sleep once a week or so innit.

Pearly - but it isn't about you though. It isn't about what martyrdom you undertook. It is about every different individual. Stop making people feel guilty by painting yourself as the beacon to emulate.

Oh I absolutely get how you feel. Ds is a shocking sleeper and I'm tired in a way I wouldn't have believed possible

My advice is this. Go to your parents on a couple of days with good weather forecast. Get into bed. Stay there all day with them just bringing you the baby if they absolutely have to. They can take her out for long walks, etc.
That way you're not worrying. You're close. She gets fed, distracted, you get your boobs emptied and you get some kip

It's not being a martyr to understand that a 6m old baby who feeds all night mind find it distressing to go for a whole night without her mum, it's not about not asking for any help, but the right help.

The baby can go a fair while without milk at 6 months. When I had to wean my DD off the breast at that age I was told my the GP, HV, NCT and LLL helplines that as long as we could get some liquidy food into her (yogurt, fruit) then they considered it ok for 4 days (it was a Thursday and they said they would reconsider on the Monday after seeing her) I don't know if many babies actually hold
Out that long, but no, it's a nonsense to say babies need to feed all night at that age. They might want to but that's different.

Can you and the baby go to your parents and be looked after? So they take the baby off your hands except for feeds? So in the morning they fetch her out and you sleep sleep sleep? Compromise?

It's fucking awful the no sleep/constant bf and baby crying. I never knew until I had dc2. I was a smug with dc1-came back to bite me in my arse!! I totally understand that you'd consider a night away from her come what may.