To ask if you think this is poor first date etiquette or not?

[Toddzoid]

I went on a first date earlier. For starters he was half an hour late which I thought was pretty terrible, I was loitering around the meeting spot feeling like a bit of an idiot and towards the end was extremely tempted to tell him where to stick it... However he more than made up for it during the date. He was warm, kind, funny, charasmatic etc. We were having a fab time... Until his friends turn up at the bar. Instead of a simple hello and introduction which is what I expected, he invited them to sit with us! There was zero effort to include me in the conversation either, it was pretty much as though I weren't there discussing things between themselves about their shared nights out and such. I made my excuses up after maybe ten or fifteen minutes and left. He walked me to the bar entrance, hugged and asked if we could go for dinner next weekend. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to actually and felt it had all been rather rude.

I asked my friend for advice and she said she'd have felt flattered he wanted to introduce her to his friends. I didn't see it like that at all but then I am quite the introvert so not sure whether that has a bearing on things! AIBU to find it rude or is it just me being awkward?

I would forgive the lateness because he kept you informed through it, you weren't just hanging around with no idea if you were being stood up.

If he contacts you full of apologies for his friends freezing you out and recognises how rude it was without you telling him, he should get a second chance. If he doesn't think that the way the first date ended was a problem then no I don't think that there should be a second date.

If he'd been late because his car broke down, or his dc was ill, or the bus didn't turn up, that's one thing. Being late because he was hungover? Nah! He's not bothered about you. Cut your losses.

Give him another chance

He was 30 minutes late; I could accept that.
Freezing you out when his mates turned up? Hell no!
He would have been jumping through hoops to make up for his tardiness if he was a real man.
He's a baby and chose to meet you where he could " accidently " bump into his mates .
I wouldn't meet him again; the writing is on the wall.

they didn't even look at me let alone talk to me
This tells me that they are either incredibly rude or they see a revolving door of women through his life and just can't be arsed any more.

Sorry. By all means meet one more time, but be ruthless this time.

A more mature person would have not got pissed the night before a new date, not been so daft as to expect the date to join in pub antics with a bunch of mates etc.

This. IMO he's (probably unconsciously) keeping you at a distance. Pissed the night before so hung over = telling himself this date is not that important. Then late, telling you the same thing. Then all charm, to reel you back in, then sidelining you for his mates, to make sure even his friends know the date wasn't that important to him.

Regardless of what he thinks he wants, all the body language here says you'll be treated with on-off indifference by an immature prick who isn't ready for a relationship.

Unless you are the same, I'd steer clear.

TreadSoftly has a point there: dh's friend has been through literally hundreds of gfs, each one thinking they are The One. I am always polite, but can barely remember the latest one's name and rarely make any conversation beyond superficial chit-chat because I know they'll be gone before long.

Otoh, I would give this guy one more chance. If he is one minute late or if the rude friends suddenly turn up... then it's See Ya.

I started dating DH when I was 21, he was 23. On our 2nd date we went to what is normally a really quiet bar. We walked through the door and the entire sports team he played for were sitting around a massive table! They asked us to sit with them (which I would've been quite up for to be honest) but DH said no thanks, we're going to sit in the other room. We stood and exchanged pleasantries with them for a few minutes and then found our own table. Looling back he handled it so well!

I think this probably was a "look how popular I am, look how funny I am" kind of display. I'd give him another chance as the rest of the date went well, but if he was late (or invited his mates) again I wouldn't agree to a third date.

He does sound very immature to be honest!

What does your gut instinct tell you about him?

^ That should be "looking, not looling"

The lateness thing is extremely annoying. That said, my husband is a very late person from a culture that thinks turning up on time is not the done thing, they go about 2 hours late to everything, but he's even late within those parameters. He is never late for very important things though.

Friends, sounds a bit odd how they all sat down.

I'd be tempted to give it another whirl, because if he's a nice guy, you will be able to give him feedback on this stuff- I hate you being late, please don't be, or your friends seemed a bit awkward/rude or whatever. A second date will help you sort out in your mind what's going on.

I think people are super-tough at the dating stage judging by this thread, I find that odd considering how many of the threads on here show that lots of women have very poor boundaries about putting their own careers first, taking time for themselves and so on.

I wouldn't be holding out for him as a prince among men if he was late, but I'd give him a chance to redeem himself.

You don'd want to cut off your nose to spite your face, give him another go and if you still have doubts after date two , you have your answer.

nah. avoid. and 26 is not old....

So he was late because he had a hangover from the night before and then shoehorned his mates into your date, cheerfully waving you off?

Wouldnt give him the time of day never mind another date! As a PP said, if this is his "best" behaviour, what is he like when he is not trying to impress?!

While I might give him a second chance, I'm mostly agreeing with the posters who say 'this is him at his best'. How would you feel if this was a glimpse into what your life together would be, you as an admiring and very patient audience as he 'turns up late because he has a hangover because he had a bad week' and then chats to his friends about what a great time they had (getting that hangover that 'made' him late) while you look on.

How would you feel about that?

I would be tempted to stay in touch as 'friends' but would not see him as boyfriend material. Who knows, he might be fun as a friend and he might also have some nice friends are are good material. There again, I never managed to start a relationship by going on a date with someone. I feel much more comfortable getting to know people in a different context (studying, hobby etc) and only considering going out with m once i know what sort person they are.

"He'd been on an impromptu night out the night before so was hungover and blamed that. "

What time of day were you meeting that drinking the night before made him late?

Inviting his friends-could have been OK if he hadn't ignored you!

It would be a no for me.

Bit shocked at the number of posters saying give him a 2nd chance

There are a few excuses that are just about acceptable for being late on a date- eg car broke down, train cancelled, dog died...etc. But being hung over and not being fit to go out the next evening is feeble.

You say OP you are introverted. Maybe add low self worth to that list ? And your friend too! Giving someone advice to stick with someone who behaves like this is worrying and says more about her than you.

If you just want someone to hang out with as and when they can be arsed to turn up then carry on. If you want a relationship and someone to respect you, run like hell. Not saying he is a bad person but at 26 you've the world at your feet. You ought not to even think about salvaging something like this. It's never going to get any better.

It's the part where you say that the friends sat down (at his invitation) and then they have a good old chat ignoring you until you made your excuses and left that makes me think he's not worth the effort.

1. He invited them to be polite - but didn't include you or make excuses for both of you to move on. Rude. Not that bothered about you.

2. He emergency text them to come join you. Not that bothered about you.

3. He'd prearranged it. Could be quite sensible. Didn't wave them off in a 'it's all fine' way. Rude. Not that bothered.

The hangover bit I can understand, when I was OLD there's no way I'd miss out on a night with friends because I had a first date the next day!

OP all you need to say is Next!

Late,worse for wear because of the night before and then he invites his friends over and doesn't involve you in the conversation.You need to start setting your standards higher OP,you deserve more and there will be other guys out there that would get it right!

The hangover bit I can understand, when I was OLD there's no way I'd miss out on a night with friends because I had a first date the next day!

So you think it's okay to be hung over for a first date? Nice.

Did you attempt to talk to them or were you just sat with your list of requirements ticking off the ones he was failing to meet? Back in the old days before old and mobile phones we actually had to meet and interact with each other. If you'd just met him in the pub would you also have expected him to ignore his friends and pass some sort of odd suitability test? You like him, that should be pretty much top if your list. I once met a man who I really liked and made me laugh. He had some really annoying features too. We're twenty years and three children down the line now. Unbleached, people, and set fire to weird Bridget Jones lists of requirements! Good luck, Op.

He shouldn't have been late due to a hangover unless the date was in the morning!!! Also, even if friends sat with you he should have been talking to you and including you, then after a drink he should have suggested you move on to another bar together.

I wouldn't bother he sounds like he is trying to show how popular he is but just appears a bit immature and rude instead.

However, if you really fancy him you could give it one more date and then decide.

I could get past the fact that he invited his friends to join you, but you should still have been his focus. Ignoring you to talk to them tells you exactly where you stand, and it's not good enough. You would NOT be cutting your nose off to spite your face by not seeing him again!

The late thing I could forgive esp if he texted you. But the friends thing is so rude! Does he not know what a date is?

I don't understand laidback people because sometimes they do come across as completely thoughtless and self centred. Like 'I won't limited by the same manners that everyone else makes an effort to stick to'. Tbh I don't think 'laidback' is necessarily the right word....you can be a calm person and still respect others around you.
I just don't understand how a 26 y.o. could be so immature that they don't realise that's not on tho....surely at 16 you'd realise?

Maybe you could let him know you weren't that impressed by it & see what his response to that is. If he doesn't know where you're coming from then that's just how he'll treat you generally.

If you made you feel so crap on the first date, don't proceed.