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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you think this is poor first date etiquette or not?

280 replies

Toddzoid · 16/05/2016 01:01

I went on a first date earlier. For starters he was half an hour late which I thought was pretty terrible, I was loitering around the meeting spot feeling like a bit of an idiot and towards the end was extremely tempted to tell him where to stick it... However he more than made up for it during the date. He was warm, kind, funny, charasmatic etc. We were having a fab time... Until his friends turn up at the bar. Instead of a simple hello and introduction which is what I expected, he invited them to sit with us! There was zero effort to include me in the conversation either, it was pretty much as though I weren't there discussing things between themselves about their shared nights out and such. I made my excuses up after maybe ten or fifteen minutes and left. He walked me to the bar entrance, hugged and asked if we could go for dinner next weekend. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to actually and felt it had all been rather rude.

I asked my friend for advice and she said she'd have felt flattered he wanted to introduce her to his friends. I didn't see it like that at all but then I am quite the introvert so not sure whether that has a bearing on things! AIBU to find it rude or is it just me being awkward?

OP posts:
salsmum · 16/05/2016 02:22

My late DH introduced me to his whole family (unexpectedly) on our first date Confused talk about baptism of fire! but we did go on a second date and still laughed about it many years later...so op if you liked him that much I would arrange to meet again but without 'the gang' on tow.

HoundoftheBaskervilles · 16/05/2016 02:28

Bad etiquette for sure, but do you want to see him again? Probably not.

Next!

lottieandmia2 · 16/05/2016 02:33

30 minutes late is so rude. I think I would leave after 20 tbh.

Toddzoid · 16/05/2016 02:42

I was tempted to leave at about the 20 minute mark. I always think 5-10 minutes is acceptable but past that it's very rude. He was messaging me while I was waiting to let me know how far he was and apologising but still. I managed to get over the late aspect anyway, it really was the friends that kind of ruined it for me. I felt like they hijacked it. He is a laid back person as I said so probably didn't think anything of it, should I bring it up with him or not?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 16/05/2016 02:50

No. Just move on to someone else. He really can't be bothered can he?

marcopront · 16/05/2016 02:56

He might have just been being polite to his friends and didn't really expect them to sit down. It was rude to ignore you though but you'd spent three hours together so must have got on OK. I would try again.

AlMinzerAndHisPyramidOfDogs · 16/05/2016 03:05

No way would i see him again. In fact i would stand him up next time. twat that he is.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 16/05/2016 03:06

I'd say no just based on the lateness and shitty reason for it.

I'm not a stickler for time, if there's reason.

He just sounds flaky. Needs improvement.

KoalaDownUnder · 16/05/2016 03:14

Rude!!

If he can't be bothered making a better impression than this on the first date, it doesn't say much for his manners. Ugh.

BadLad · 16/05/2016 03:48

I'd have buggered off as soon as a date was more than a few minutes late, unless they had called me. I can stand lateness. I've read threads on here where people have explained that persistently late people can't help it, but I can't be arsed with it.

BadLad · 16/05/2016 03:48

CAN'T stand lateness

Baconyum · 16/05/2016 04:05

Next!!

I wouldn't wait for anyone more than 20 minutes, can't abide tardiness.
Hangover is a crap excuse!
Friends shouldn't have been invited to sit
Ignoring you and not calling them on it - I would definitely have left at this point.

Agree about late people not valuing others' time, also with who someone associates with reflecting who they are.

None of my friends would have behaved like this even in my 20's.

nopel · 16/05/2016 04:15

How rude. I skip it and find someone else.

Lweji · 16/05/2016 05:20

I wouldn't give him a second date.
He didn't introduce you to his friends. He ignored you in their favour. I don't behave like that with friends, let alone potential partners.

PPie10 · 16/05/2016 05:21

Yanbu he couldn't even be bothered to not be rude on a first date, what's more to look forward to. Your friend sounds desperate if she thinks this type of behaviour should make you feel flattered. Seriously ignore her silly advice and dont bother with this guy again.

ThisIsDedicatedToTheOneILove · 16/05/2016 05:39

I wouldn't give him a second date. I refused second dates for far less offensive things than that!

I find that, in these situations, unless you have a 40+ yo friend to talk things through with, who have seen a bit more of life, friends' advice is largely to be ignored.

He was not 'showing you off to his mates'. He is the sort of man who would always prioritise his mates over you. If he'll do it on the first date (ffs), he'll do it anytime. You friend would be a fool to be flattered by that behaviour.

KittyWindbag · 16/05/2016 05:44

Hindsight is such a wonderful thing, but it's a shame you didn't sat then and there 'I'm surprised you want a second-date, I got the impression you weren't that interested,' indicating his lack of manners re-friends.

If you like him, given him one more chance. But after that, if you think his bad manners weren't just a one-off nerves-related fluke, then bin him.

JeanSeberg · 16/05/2016 05:57

Did he call or text to apologise for running late?

happyhearts7 · 16/05/2016 06:05

20 years ago I met a guy in a nightclub, we arranged a date for the following week. I waited and waited.. eventually he turned up about an hour late (I waited because I really liked him, would never have done it for anyone else) turns out he'd had a flat tyre and no mobile phone.
Best date ever, now married to him nearly 18 years!
If mumsnet had been around back then I'd have gone home and never met the love of my life!

Toddzoid I say give him one more chance but he needs to treat you like the Queen on your second date!

ThisIsDedicatedToTheOneILove · 16/05/2016 06:13

Difference being, happy; that this man wasn't thwarted by a series of unfortunate events, he was rude.

That's different.

Baconyum · 16/05/2016 06:16

Happy but this was at least 3 bits of rudeness in one date! Not circumstances working against him.

cherrypepsimax · 16/05/2016 06:30

Value yourself more.

No way I'd go on another date with this guy.

Toddzoid · 16/05/2016 06:39

He continuously text me to keep me updated on how far away he was. I'm not the biggest fan of poor time keeping but that was definitely something j could overlook because of how he was as a person. It really was the rudeness with the friends, I was aghast actually and as soon as they sat down I wanted to leave. I didn't want to be rude and just get up though so I waited for about ten minutes, figured I may get included at some stage in the conversation but nope... So I made my excuses and left.

I'm glad to have this advice, thank you. My last port of call is my mother, I'm going to ask what she thinks later but I have a feeling she'll agree with the people saying don't see him again!

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 16/05/2016 06:44

I wouldn't see him again. The lateness would have been enough without a seriously, unavoidable reason.

Beepbopboop · 16/05/2016 06:48

I'd give him another chance if he was late for a proper reason. Hungover is not a proper reason! I once dumped a bf because he was hungover for a special occasion.
That combined with the friends thing just shows you how extremely rude he is, and that would not make me want to give him a second chance.

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