My abusive ex is very much regarded as 'a good un' by everyone he meets, because publicly, he does everything right. He's a great friend, he's a rubbish Boyfriend, though.
OP, what gives you the impression that he's laid back? He doesn't sound laid back, he's forcibly pursued you the next day, tried to add you on SM, before the apologies started. He's made the next date all about him being better, not your experience. In other words, he's put himself at the centre.
,"" I honestly don't think this guy will have thought he was doing anything wrong! But he absolutely was, it made me feel so pushed out.
But he clearly wasn't in the zone for a date and I don't think on any other day he'd have been like that""
You don't know him to make that judgement. You've already compromised your standards and are pre-guessing the reasons for his behaviour. The date went in cycles of good/bad. Does that not remind you of the EA?
Just be very open to any other red flags and don't give a third chance.
Also, decide if his lack of consideration towards you, really matters to you and his use of alcohol to get through something, even though he had something important to do the next day (your date).
That's if you want a relationship with a future, living together etc, if not, then dating should be fun.
Just take back control of your boundaries.